But five days later, Mrs. Myers called me aside in the dining hall. I took one look at the woman's face and knew. I had taken too long. The council had already decided. If I didn't announce my choice of husband by the end of the day, they would do it for me on the morrow.

"Who?" I didn't need to explain.

Mrs. Myers bowed her head. "Peter Morgan."

"He's fifty!"

"Fifty-four," she said gently. "You will be his third wife, so you know he will bless you with many children."

All the blood in my body dropped down to my toes. My heart began hammering. Marriage was the beginning of the end. The moment I said, "I do," to a man, I would become his property, to be corrected as he saw fit and bred over and over until I produced enough viable heirs. That was what had happened to Meri. It was what had happened to my mother. Now, it was happening to me.

And Mrs. Myers had been chosen to deliver the news. She was a councilman's wife. Her place was secure, so long as she continued to produce Mr. Myers' children. To the rest of us, she was often held up as one of the shining examples of what a good wife should be, yet to me, her life sounded miserable. Even with the prestige of marrying one of the Elders, Mrs. Myers' only power was this, telling me that my future had already been decided for me.

After all, man's needs were what the council considered - never a woman's. The children I produced were his possessions, not mine. My husband could take those kids away when he felt they were old enough to enter school or society. My duty was to care for our rooms, to cook and clean, and always to make sure the hardworking man of the house was comfortable.

But I'd heard my mother's screams when my father had gone to visit her. I remembered the bruises on my mother's face afterwards. Bruises that were the same as so many other women in the dining hall. Bruises that matched the ones Meri had shown me after her wedding. Spare the rod, spoil the wife, they said, and it seemed men enjoyed punishing women almost as much as breeding us.

Now, it was my turn. As I stared blankly at Mrs. Myers, I knew there was no way to stop this. Snippets and stories pinged around in my head, but none of them held any hope. There were ways for a wife to protect herself, but they all ended the same way. Pushing back, speaking up, or resisting too obviously all ended as a death sentence. Trying to control the panic quickly rising inside me, I set my face into a perfect mask and took a deep breath.

"What happens if I refuse?" The words were barely more than a breath of desperation coming from my lips.

The truth was Peter Morgan had killed two previous women by breeding them to death. Thankfully, he hadn't beaten the life out of them like some, but being given to him didn't really sound like a good thing. At least not to me! Maybe I could ask for someone else? Someone who hadn't been among the old and stuffy men who'd made proposals?

"You can't refuse." Mrs. Myers ducked her head to catch my panicked gaze. "Child, Peter's a good man. Give him a chance. You may even learn to care for him, just like I do for my own husband."

But I didn't believe that. I couldn't. Meri's marriage was supposed to have been the perfect one, yet even she had been beaten to remind her of her place. Love was a lie. Romance was a myth! All of the things I'd dared to hope for were mere falsehoods designed to trick us girls into being amiable and compliant!

"I'm not ready," I breathed. I knew it was the wrong thing to say, but the words still fell out.

Mrs. Myers gently patted my shoulder. "I know, sweetie. No one ever is, but you're a woman now, and we have too many empty rooms. The demons above take their toll, and God needs His army. This is the sacrifice He's called on you to make."

"Does what I want even matter?"

Mrs. Myers shook her head. "No. They will marry you off, and you will have big, healthy babies. You can do it the boring way, or the painful one, but every person who grows up in the compound is an investment." She dropped her voice. "I know, because they gave me the same lecture at your age."

I felt like I wanted to run, but I couldn't. My eyes were stinging, yet I refused to cry. So many times in the infirmary, I'd watched as hunters died from their wounds, but not even their loss of life had hit me this hard. Maybe because it was my turn?

This was the end of my freedom. My last decision was being taken from me - and worse, I couldn't even force myself to choose someone else! All I wanted was to be free to make my own decisions. To have the luxury to live my own life, not simply exist for someone else. Was that too much to ask?

And to live. More than anything else, that was what I'd dreamed of for so long, but it was impossible. Girls existed. Women nurtured. The one thing none of us were allowed to do was live our lives the way men could. We might be alive, but that was not at all the same. So what did I have left?

My breath fell from my lungs as the reality crashed into me. "When will the wedding be?" I asked softly.

"The day after tomorrow."

"Tell them to announce it." I sighed, feeling the last spark of hope fizzle out. "He's as good as the next stranger, I suppose."

Mrs. Myers made a comforting noise and rubbed my shoulder again. "Did your mother tell you what to expect before she passed?"

I shook my head. "No ma'am, but we had classes, and Ms. Lawton explained to me how to know if the seed takes."

"Good." Mrs. Myers forced a smile. "If you have any questions, you can ask me. You know that, right?"

"Yes, ma'am." I had to blink a few times too many. "Do you know how to keep it from killing me?"

Mrs. Myers sighed. "Some of us are blessed to have few problems. Others aren't. I suggest prayer. Often, it helps to make the act more tolerable as well."

"And if it doesn't?"

The woman pulled her hand back just to clasp it before her. "Once you're pregnant, you get nine months of peace, and then six months for the child."

"But what about the husbands who want to breed even if his seed has already taken?" I asked.

Her eyes darted away, proving how uncomfortable she was with this topic. "Your purpose, Ayla, is to please your husband."

"But if he insists on his rights," I pressed, "then I don't have nine months of peace and six more for the child!"

She pushed out a heavy breath. "Not always, no. But if you don't fight it, then the act itself doesn't hurt."

"I saw Meri!" I hissed.

And that made her focus snap back to me. "Her husband has the right to punish her as he sees fit. If he spares the rod - "

"He spoils the wife," I finished, hating that phrase more and more each day. "But Mrs. Myers, how am I supposed to survive this?"

"By being a good wife," she assured me. "Be dutiful, meek, and subservient. If you learn to anticipate his needs, he will have no cause to punish you. If you produce children to further his line, he may even pamper you with gifts. Possibly even a reprieve from the marital bed. The better you treat your husband, Ayla, the better he will be in return."

"But my mother didn't survive," I whispered.

"Your mother," she reminded me, "had been taken by the Devil."

"Is the Devil the reason why birthing children kills us?"

The woman's mouth opened as if to answer, and then she simply paused. "No." That word brought forth another heavy sigh. "Sadly, the pain and suffering of childbirth is our punishment for the sins of Eve."

"What about the sins of men that cast us off the face of the Earth?" I shot back. "How do men suffer for that?"

Slowly, the woman licked her lips. It was as if she was struggling to answer my questions, but I wasn't about to let this go. This one conversation might be my only chance to get honest answers.

"Daring the world above is their punishment," she finally said. "The hunters often give their lives so the rest of us can be fed. Is that any different from the sacrifices we women make? At least we get to do it from the comfort of our beds."

"And die. Always die." I nodded to show I understood. "Thank you."

"If you need to talk, even if just to ease your fears, I'm always here." Mrs. Myers offered a sad smile. "I know getting married is terrifying, but you'll do fine, Ayla. You're from a strong line. This may be the burden God has given women, but you will do fine. Just don't forget this is God's work."

As soon as Mrs. Myers left, I spun, racing off for my own room without even getting a meal. I didn't care if people stopped to look. Let them talk. Right now, I really needed to be alone. I only had two more nights of freedom, and I didn't want to waste them.

If they whispered that my mother's demons had moved to me, then maybe it was for the best. Maybe it would even keep this old man from agreeing to the match - because he was the only one who could refuse. I wasn't even given that right!