"Smock off," she said, turning me so she could help make that happen. "Ayla, you have to be bruised already."
"No, it takes time for the color to set in," I told her.
"And he kicked you!" she hissed. "I don't know how you took it, but you just stared up at him like he didn't hurt you at all."
"I was thinking about pulling out all the stitches I put into him last week," I grumbled before lifting my smock over my head.
Below that was my chemise, and Callah had to help me get it off. Once I had on nothing more than my bra and panties, my friend guided me down onto my bed to lie face up. It hurt. Not surprisingly, my back muscles had been abused as well.
"How do I know if you're okay?" she asked before feeling around on my belly.
"Internal bleeding is easiest to see from the dark bruising," I explained. "This soon after an injury, all you're going to feel is inflamed muscles. That'll be like a lump."
"So here." She pressed on a spot that made me groan.
"Yeah," I agreed. "Oww."
"Okay." Stepping back, Callah turned for the door. "Ayla, I'm going to get some cold water and cloths. If we use them as a compress, it should keep the swelling down, right?"
"Better than nothing," I agreed.
She just nodded and hurried out of our room. Clearly, she'd been listening to me in the infirmary. Enough to pick up on some healing tricks, at least. I simply hadn't expected them to be used on me.
Yet the longer Callah was gone, the more my mind focused on Meri. Was Gideon beating her again now that they were in their rooms? Was he breeding her? Could she already be with child? And if she was, what would Gideon's punishment do to the pregnancy?
More than all of that, how could I stop it?
The sad answer was I couldn't. I would never be stronger than a man. God had given husbands the right to do with their wives what they wanted, and my opinions wouldn't change it. Over and over, the Bible made it clear. We women were meant to obey, to serve, and to reproduce. That was it.
But I wanted more. I longed for something, yet I didn't even have the words to describe it. To be more like a man? But that wasn't right, because I didn't want to be a man. I simply wanted being a woman to not hurt so much!
No, what I really wanted was to have all of a man's privileges, yet also the ability to do the womanly things that interested me. I wanted to be able to make my own decisions. I wanted to be able to say no. Most of all, I longed for the chance to have a future I could call my own.
Not my husband's. Not my child's. Not even my God's. I wanted a life that was all mine and no one else's - but it was impossible. A fantasy.
In other words, one big, fat lie that would never happen.
SevenAyla
We didn't get to see Meri after that. It was as if she'd completely disappeared. When I got brave enough to ask Ms. Lawton about it, she told me not to bother myself with the affairs of a married woman. Her husband was Meri's sole concern now. For her, childhood was over. I should take note, since mine was running out quickly.
And yet nothing else changed. Callah kept her bed against one side of our room. I kept mine against the other. Meri's stayed made up and empty on the wall between us, but all of her personal belongings were gone. Not that any of us had many.
A week later, Callah caught me after our class and suggested I go back to my library. She asked for a book about a hero. One with a good story that wouldn't be too scary and give her nightmares. I promised her I'd find something, then slipped into the darkness again.
When I returned to my room to change for dinner, a dress was set out and waiting for me, just like always. When I caught up to Callah to eat, we compared our choices, like we had for so many years. Again, I'd picked more greens while she had more fungus.
And the months passed.
Every morning, the compound lights came on, letting us know another day was upon us. Every night, they went out, turning our world into pitch blackness. A few days before the holidays, the hunters would return with wounded and we'd be woken up to care for them.
Time turned into a blur. Repetition kept the devil at bay, Ms. Lawton always said, but I'd never been more aware of it than in those days. Monday, Sunday, and all the days in between were identical. From our classes with Mr. Cassidy to our prayers every evening, it was as if nothing ever changed.
Until Callah's list of genetic matches was updated. Boaz Alred was removed, like I'd told her. Reynold Saunders was officially printed in his place. When I checked my own, the same old man was there. His was the only name we both shared, though.
That was the problem with the Elders getting to choose a wife first. In the end, my generation was made from people who were mostly my cousins, nephews, or half-siblings. Full siblings in some cases, since I did have three of those. Not that I knew them well.
Yet when I walked into the classroom a few days later, I noticed my sister sitting with her hands folded in her lap. The girl glanced up and her eyes landed on me. I offered a weak smile. Her lips curled to match.
Like me, she had golden-blonde hair. Her eyes were brilliantly blue. I was pretty sure our faces were even similar, because they both reminded me of my mother. Not that I got to see mine often, but when I was allowed the use of a mirror, I was always startled to see Tiesha staring back.
Nissa, my little sister, didn't talk to me. That would've upset Mr. Cassidy. Still, that one brief glimpse made me feel like the pair of us had shared something. Claiming my regular seat, I straightened my skirts around me, doing my best to present myself as a proper lady, exactly as we'd been taught.
When the clock on the wall reached the hour, Mr. Cassidy stood and moved into the center of our cluster of chairs. The man made a point of looking us all over, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to decide which sermon to recycle for today's lesson.
"The worship of our Lord God Almighty," he started, having clearly figured it out. "By now, you should all know about the power of faith, correct?"
Around the room, we all nodded. Across from me, Callah bobbed her head hard enough to make a curl break free from her bun. I wanted to gesture for her to put it up, but that would be too obvious.
And Mr. Cassidy simply continued. "Throughout the centuries, while we have survived belowground, the Council of Elders has found reasons for us to celebrate. Days such as the upcoming Feast of Saints aren't merely meant as an excuse to eat more food and gossip with your friends, though."
"But we still get to eat meat," a boy broke in.
Which made Mr. Cassidy smile at him. "Yes, we do. Our hunters work hard to supply the entire compound with it. Protein is necessary for all of us because we live underground."
"But why?" a girl asked. I was pretty sure it was the same one who always broke in.
Today, Mr. Cassidy gave her a stern look. "Anabell, you need to lift your hand if you have something to say."
