“What?” he asked, worried he might have accidentally spoken the final comment to her as well as Zahara.
Pulling him to a stop, she asked, “What happened to you back there? You had that look on your face again.”
Anders didn’t want to admit that he still felt the draw from Lazuran and had felt an especially strong surge when thinking about hunting down the kurr. A part of him wanted to let the rage take him and fly out after the kurr, repaying them for the slaughter in the village, but he couldn’t allow himself to become like that, like Merglan.
His delayed reply left Maija to speak first, her words prying at him, “I saw something come over you back there. Don’t try to deny it. While Raffa and Zahara were arguing, you went somewhere else. I saw it on your face, and I can tell when it’s happening, just as I can tell that you don’t want to share it with me. Anders, what’s wrong?”
“Seeing those bodies,” he lied. “It brought me back to a dark place.” He hadn’t fully lied. Seeing the elven bodies piled up in the village center had shaken him. The sight brought back a number of traumatic memories.
“Oh,” Maija said, eyeing him skeptically. “That’s surprising, because when we first discovered them, I didn’t see you react that dramatically.”
Anders shook his head, “I’m just tired. Still recovering from the fight with Merglan.”
“Okay,” she said. “But just so you know, if there’s ever anything you want to talk about that you can’t or don’t want to share with Zahara, I’m here.”
Anders smiled, considering whether he should tell her about the withdrawal he felt from the crystal’s power. He inhaled, preparing to say something, then hesitated. He looked to the side, embarrassed at being caught in his lie. “It’s just,” he said. “I don’t want to disappoint anyone, you know. I know that sounds silly. But I’ve been feeling a little different since we last saw each other.”
“That doesn’t sound silly. I can tell that something’s been bothering you. Was it something you read about in Merglan’s diary?” she asked.
“Merglan’s diary,” he said in astonishment. He realized he hadn’t shared the explanation of the diagram. The diary held the key to understanding the crystal’s power. Anders starting walking again, mumbling to himself, “I think my copy is still in Cedarbridge. We need to find it.”
“What do you mean your copy?” Maija asked, speeding up to keep pace with him.
Anders quickly explained how he’d discovered the new passage describing the crystal’s abilities and what Nadir had told him about it. “We need to find the diagram so I can restore Lazuran’s pommel. With that amount of power, imagine the things I would be capable of,” Anders said, with malice in his voice.
“I thought you were going to try to have it removed?” Maija asked, pulling Anders from his daydreams of conquest.
“If we can add more energy to it, I could use the enhanced power to take control,” Anders said.
“That’s not what you told me a few days ago, Anders. What you’re saying, it doesn’t sound like you,” Maija said, eyeing him warily.
“Oh,” Anders flushed. “I meant, when we figure out how to work the inhabitance crystals, we can use them to bring Merglan down,” he said, resting his hand on Lazuran’s pommel. He suddenly felt it pulling at him again and his mind began to drift away from their conversation.
“There it is again,” Maija said.
“What?” Anders asked, taking his hand off the sword.
“That look you had earlier. It’s the sword, isn’t it?” Maija charged.
Anders shook his head, “No. I mean, I just think we could harness some power in the sword and use it to beat Merglan.”
Maija narrowed her eyes. Anders felt her staring through his denial. “Don’t lie to me, Anders. You told me Merglan’s control over you would pass with time. You said we would have the crystal removed, but now you’re acting strange again,” she said.
Anders didn’t reply. He wanted a way out of the conversation, to avoid it at all costs. He wanted to pretend that she hadn’t seen his desire to feel the crystal’s corrupted power coursing through his veins once more. He quickened his pace to put distance between them, but felt her hand grab his arm again.
Pulling him up short, she said firmly, “Anders, stop!” Anders found himself staring directly into Maija’s brown eyes, their searching stare speaking volumes. “We need to be on the same page. If you start keeping secrets like this, whether it’s about the sword or something else, you put our trust in jeopardy,” she paused. Anders could feel the words cutting through his urges to retreat.
“I know you’re still recovering from your nearly deadly encounter with Merglan, and I know that you feel terrible about leaving Ivan and the others behind, but you need to snap out of it soon. We’re almost back Cedarbridge now where you’ll have to explain what happened. The High Council will want to know why you’re here and their king is not. If you start drifting off and touching your sword all of the time, they’re going to think you’ve become power-drunk and that you left Ivan, Nadir and the others behind on purpose.”
He didn’t want to admit it, but Anders knew she was right. He would have to explain what happened and, even if they believed him, they might still question his ability after having tasted Merglan’s power. Maija stared at him. He combed her with his eyes, knowing he had to tell her about the sword’s effects that continued to plague his consciousness.
“Consider what’s about to happen, Anders. Think about our relationship and whether you want this to work,” Maija said, pointing from herself to Anders. “You’re going to have to tell me things; even the uncomfortable things. Otherwise, this mistrust will grow and become an issue. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t trust me as much as I trust him.”
Anders nodded. He glanced to the side to see both dragons sitting down along the narrow elven trail, watching them intently. He returned his gaze to Maija, “You’re right, I’m feeling withdrawal from the sword. I hoped the urge would go away since I used all of its power, but it hasn’t. I want that power back, I crave it, and no matter how hard I try to deny that feeling, it keeps coming back. I know I said we’d try to remove the crystal from the pommel, but I don’t know how else Zahara and I can defeat Merglan. If we can use the diagram and add untapped energy, in theory I should have full control. There are other smaller crystals in the sword’s handle as well. If we can use them all, I might have a chance. Maija, I can’t do this alone and I don’t want to lose you because of my mistakes. I still need to figure out who I am before I face him again.”
Maija nodded. Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around Anders and held him in an embrace, “It’s okay, Anders, you won’t be alone. We’re here to help you through this, you just need to be honest with us so we can help you.”
Whispering in her ear, Anders said, “Merglan told me something about my father.” He felt Maija’s hug loosen as she leaned back to look at him. “Maija, I learned who my father was and I couldn’t save him.”
“No,” she said shaking her head. “You told me you were a baby when your uncle found you. That your parents drowned in a shipwreck. There wasn’t anything you could’ve done to help.”
“My father didn’t drown; he wasn’t on the ship,” Anders said.
“Merglan lied,” Maija said. “He was just trying to get in your head, corrupt your mind.”
Anders shook his head, “No, Maija, you don’t understand. My father was there, too. We fought Merglan together.”
“You said you fought Merglan with Ivan,” Maija said.
Anders nodded, “I did and, in doing so, I learned I’m the son of William, King of Southland and rightful ruler of humankind.” He saw Maija’s eyes widen and he continued, “William and his wife hid from Merglan, adopting different names. During that time, they had two sons and William became bonded with a dragon. Theodor led me to believe my entire family drowned in that shipwreck, but William was never on that ship. Maija, you’ve met this man and spent time with him, as have I. My father is King William, but we know him better as Ivan, the unbonded.”
Anders gauged her reaction as her jaw dropped. She shook her head in disbelief, “Anders. That means you’re… But Ivan was your mentor?”
“He was a lot more than my mentor,” Anders said, looking down.
“And he didn’t make it out with you,” Maija said, covering her mouth with her hands.
Tears blurred Anders’ vision. He pursed his lips and shook his head, “I tried, Zahara and I tried, but Merglan pulled him back at the last second.”
