The tension lifted a little, but he pretended nothing had happened as she studied the fireflies in the jar Javi was showing her.
‘Your father and I used to do this as children,’ Ana said to Javi, looking at Gabriel through the other side of the glass as she held it up in the glow of the fairy lights. ‘There used to be more fireflies than this, though. Thousands of them.’
‘I remember,’ Gabriel said, picturing her as a girl in this very garden, running around with him, catching fireflies. If only he’d known to run with her even more while they could, or to warn her not to get in the damned car that day.
‘Really? Thousands?’ Javi was staring into the jar, mesmerised by the tiny glowing bugs. ‘I can’t imagine you being young, Papa. Or you, Ana.’
‘Well, we were.’ She smiled, sighing softly. Without thinking, Gabriel put a hand to hers and squeezed it tightly. Straight away, the adrenaline coursed up his arm and around his brain. What he really wanted to do was wrap her fully in his arms and run away with her.
Somewhere by the table he heard their mothers gasp and immediately start gossiping. He dropped Ana’s hand, dragging his fingers over his hair. Stupid him, thinking they’d ‘just been invited for dinner’ again. Javi seemed oblivious to the undercurrents, content to hang out with Ana and him wherever they were, but it was clear that their families were all keeping tabs on what was proving to be a pretty obvious relationship. At least, he thought now, glancing at Ana, it had been pretty obvious to him till today.
Ana was trying to relax under the stars and fairy lights with all this love surrounding her, but somehow she just felt torn. As Javi practised his bowling skills with a set her parents had bought, she struggled not to feel as if this unit was probably the nicest thing she’d been a part of for years. It was, it was amazing. But what if it cost her everything else she’d worked so hard for? Love was nothing but a distraction and love for Gabriel... Well, she’d already learned the hard way years ago how much that could hurt.
It wasn’t Gabriel’s fault he wore his heart on his sleeve—in fact, that was one of the things she loved most about him. Of course he hadn’t meant to make things weird by telling Edith they were ‘in love’. She’d been angry at herself more than him today, for putting her own career and reputation in jeopardy. His confession, whether it had been just for Edith’s sake or not, had felt pretty wonderful to hear...
‘Ana, Ana, it’s your turn,’ Javi called now, urging her to the makeshift bowling ground and handing her a ball.
‘Do your best, Ana,’ Gabriel quipped, and when she caught his eye a spark sent her heart beating harder in a flash. Why could she not just turn this thing off between them—this thing that now seemed to claim her mind, body and soul whenever he so much as said her name? She had no doubt it was mutual; she could practically feel the heat of his every glance brush against her skin, making her heart race even faster. Yet here they were, both trying to maintain some kind of distance for everyone else’s sake. Well, mostly for her sake, she realised now.
Just today, they’d been caught, properly caught making out like teenagers, and all of it had been entirely unprofessional. What was she doing, risking everything she’d worked for? If this all blew up in her face, she’d have nothing left. People talked around here—not that they didn’t talk about her enough already, being the only doctor in the barrio confined to a wheelchair with her very own practice.
With a deep breath, Ana took aim and threw the ball with all her might. It was a strike, to her surprise. The whole group cheered behind her and she grinned back at them, feeling a little bit victorious, especially in front of her parents. Taking another look at Gabriel, she didn’t miss his proud smile. Curses! She had been all ready to take a step back from it all, but here Gabriel was, doing everything right. He had even somehow stood up to Ines and managed to get Javi here this evening when it was supposed to have been her time with their son, something he’d never been able to do till now. Ines always seemed to have plans for Javi on their nights at home together. But here they all were, and it felt so good.
‘What do you think, Ana?’ Javi stopped in front of her, hands on his hips, lips pouting.
‘Sorry, what was that, honey?’ She’d zoned out again, lost in her own thoughts. Gabriel eyed her uncertainly as he rearranged the balls on the lawn.
‘I said, maybe I can sleep at your place tonight? Papa says I can’t stay at his.’
Ana frowned. ‘Why can’t you stay at your papa’s?’ she said, more in Gabriel’s direction.
‘Your mother wants you at home tonight, you know that,’ he said sternly and, as if on cue, he pulled out his phone, no doubt to check for her messages. Ana sighed and refrained from an eye-roll, which wouldn’t have been entirely fair. Of course Ines wanted her son at home, just as Gabriel wanted him at his home, but Ines always got her way. She supposed it was too good to be true that they might be allowed to have him for more than a few hours on one of ‘her’ nights.
‘Well, if your mama wants you home, I can’t very well let you stay at my place, can I?’ she reasoned gently with the boy. Javi looked upset. His lip quivered for a second as he stared at the ground and she saw the same raging emotions in him that she often saw in Gabriel, before he managed to curb them one way or another. It would have been cute if it wasn’t slightly concerning. Gabriel was still at Ines’s beck and call, after all, worried about putting so much as a toe wrong in case she went for full custody. But what about what Javi wanted?
‘I don’t want to go home,’ he said now, balling his little fists.
Gabriel was at his side in a second, crouching on the grass. ‘Why not, mijo?’
‘I just don’t.’
Ana was well aware of her father’s and Gabriel’s eyes on her, but she had to focus on Javi. She didn’t want him feeling bad, not tonight when they’d all had such a lovely time together. How could she make this right?
‘Javi, I can’t let you stay tonight, but how about this? I’m free the night before your pawrents’ day, so why don’t you both come over with Savio for a sleepover? We’ll order a takeaway and watch movies all night long and eat popcorn till we’re stuffed.’
She smiled at him in encouragement and the little boy’s face lit up as he nodded eagerly, all tears forgotten. ‘I’m sure your mama won’t mind that,’ she added, glancing at Gabriel. He was looking at her slightly in awe now, as if he was both perplexed and grateful that she could wipe his son’s bad mood away so easily. Javi’s face was still shining with excitement as he took his turn at bowling. While she knew she’d got herself into something else with Gabriel when she’d just been questioning whether it was right to even keep this thing going—whatever it was—it wasn’t fair to let Javi down.
She was starting to love him being around, actually. Already she could picture him in the cute giraffe onesie she’d seen in the kids’ shop around the corner. Maybe she shouldn’t get so excited just yet, she thought when, as predicted, Gabriel started saying his goodbyes and bundling Javi up, ready to take him home. It wasn’t even eight o’clock.
Ana feigned a smile, but she could feel her shoulders tense, watching the way the boy slowed his steps again, taking longer than necessary in the bathroom while Gabriel stood outside, urging him to hurry up. Javi didn’t want to leave, and she didn’t want him to go either. A sudden tightness in her chest told her that, no matter what either of them did or said, she was caught up in a situation that was increasingly out of her control.
‘Ines wants him...’ he started to say to her on the driveway after Javi had reluctantly hugged everyone goodbye, but she didn’t let him finish.
‘I know,’ she said quietly. ‘It can’t be helped. Go, get him home.’
He shot her an apologetic look over his shoulder before they finally left.
Later, alone in her bed, she couldn’t fight the inner turmoil from raging as it kept her from another night of decent sleep. She was getting all caught up in this when she had important work to focus on, when Gabriel had his son, his work commitments and Ines to placate around the clock. Wasn’t this all getting far too complicated?
It was hard to imagine actually calling things off, though. Maybe she just needed a little more time, she reasoned with herself and the bedroom ceiling. Maybe she was starting to need Gabriel and Javi in her life more than she’d realised, which was why all this was affecting her more than any relationship ever had before. And that, right there, was the problem.
Since when had she needed anyone except herself? Well, OK, since always...but it wasn’t something she particularly enjoyed admitting; in fact, it sat well outside of her comfort zone. What if Gabriel went all in with her and then something else happened, besides Ines, to make him decide it was all too much?
She simply had to call things off before she...before anyone...got badly hurt, including Javi, who seemed quite besotted with her already. It simply had to be done now while they could still go back to being friends.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE PARK WAS flooded with sunshine as Ana stopped her chair beside Gabriel and Javi. She was a little late getting to the pawrents’ day event from the clinic, after Ebony had arrived late herself, but it was even more nerve-racking waiting for Javi’s turn to demonstrate the tricks he’d been teaching Savio. The kid didn’t look fazed, though. His grin spread from ear to ear as he waved at her excitedly around Gabriel, stroking Savio’s soft head next to him, watching the other dogs and his school friends on the agility trail.
Ana felt a flush of pride, watching the sun catch in the kid’s cute black curls, and then another flurry of nerves as Gabriel pressed his hand over hers, a sign that he was glad to see her.
‘He’s up next,’ he said.
‘Mmm.’ She kept her eyes on the canine activities, wishing she wasn’t such a coward. It was just that she liked him too much for her own good. Even his hand on hers in public made her want to grab him by the collar and pull him astride her, like she had last night in her living room before he’d carried her up to bed. How could she listen to her head about breaking things off when her heart was still pounding for him around the clock?
Infuriatingly, she hadn’t yet managed to have that important discussion with him; she hadn’t even come close! In fact, Gabriel’s overnight bag was still in the car, after the fun night they’d all had last night at her place. They had stayed up late watching old black-and-white films and eating popcorn as promised, with Javi in between Gabriel and her on the sofa, and Savio sprawled lazily on the floor. She’d felt so happy, content and at peace with life, sitting there with candles flickering on the coffee table, listening to their laughter and joining in with their happy father-son banter. Javi had looked so cute in the giraffe onesie, too. She hadn’t been able to resist picking it up for him.
After they’d put him to bed in the spare room, she and Gabriel had made love till the early hours. They were getting good at it. Too good: it was highly addictive. She had hoped that she’d be able to suggest an amiable departure from this new-found couple status of theirs, but this need to call it off, while justified, was starting to feel a lot like self-sabotage.
