“Um, hello, they do. Have you seen the men in this country? They all look fifty.”
Now it was Lucky’s turn to snort.
“As someone who is actually interested in men, I can promise you they do not.”
Avery flicked her head in exasperation.
“You know I had boyfriends before Chiti. Remember Steve?”
Lucky barked a dry laugh.
“That guy who used to bring the Tupperware containers of deviled eggs over to the apartment? Steve does not count.”
Avery turned away in frustration. Steve had undeniably been a dud. She should not have brought up Steve.
“Who’s being judgmental now?” she rebounded. “Anyway, all that is beside the point. You want to normalize this shit? Fine. But I am not going to sit here and tell you it’s okay. You are not okay.”
“I think I should be the judge of whether or not I’m okay. And I am. I’m great. I’m fucking thriving.”
Avery turned to Chiti, who had appeared in the doorway, clutching her hands in front of her chest.
“I can’t talk to this person,” Avery said, gesturing toward Lucky. “It’s pointless.”
“Sweetheart,” said Chiti to Avery. “Sit down. Let’s make some tea and discuss this like people who love each other.”
Lucky and Avery looked at each other and almost smiled. It was just like their mother. Familial strife, emotional turmoil, cancer, the climate crisis…There was seemingly nothing she did not believe could be remedied, or at least relieved, by a cup of tea. But Lucky looked away and the moment passed. Avery’s rage rushed back in.
“She’s fucking killing herself, Chiti!” Avery turned back to Lucky. “Did Nicky not teach you anything? Do you still not get the part about the fucking fragility of life?”
“She doesn’t mean that,” said Chiti to Lucky.
“Oh, fuck you,” spat Lucky back at Avery. “You act like you’re so much better than us. You’re not. You’re not better than anybody. You’ve always been an uptight asshole. Now you’re just a rich one.”
“She didn’t mean that,” said Chiti to Avery.
“And by the way, you’re not my mother,” continued Lucky. “I already have one useless one, I don’t need another.”
“She’s my useless mother too!” said Avery. “And I don’t want to be your mother. You’re twenty-six years old, Lucky. It’s not cute anymore. Being a total mess isn’t something to be proud of.”
“You’re not a mess,” said Chiti to Lucky, then to her wife, “That’s unfair, Avery.”
Avery rounded on Chiti.
“Why are you defending her?”
“I’m not defending anyone. I am trying to get you both to see that attacking each other will not help the situation.”
Avery gave each of them a long look. Suddenly, and with a surprising and searing clarity, she missed her mother, that woman who had so consistently let her down. At least with her mother, she was allowed to remember that she had once been a child. Around her sisters, she was always the eldest, which meant, in comparison to them, she was never young. But she was tired of being the grown-up. She was tired of being herself.
“You know what? I’m sick of this,” she said. “I’m sick of having to play the bad guy all the time.”
“That’s because you are,” shot Lucky. “Ever since you bought this house, you’re like some corporate cyborg with a blowout.”
Avery turned to Chiti.
“I can’t call her a mess—which she categorically is—but she can call me a corporate…whatever she called me. How is that fair?”
“No one’s agreeing with her,” Chiti tried to soothe.
“I am!” chimed Lucky. “I am agreeing with me!”
“You know what? You’re right,” said Avery, her voice dripping with scorn. “I’m sorry for making a success of myself. I’m sorry for not being like our parents and forcing my family to live in a fucking shoebox while I drink myself to oblivion. I’m sorry I wanted something better than the upbringing we got.”
“And you think I don’t?” Lucky gasped. “Why do you think I do what I do? You think I like getting my measurements taken every year like I’m fucking cattle? Do you know how degrading and dumb ninety percent of the shit I have to do is? You think I want to wear pink tulle? But I made more money by the time I graduated from high school than most people make in…I don’t know! I made a shit ton of money!”
“I have no doubt you did,” said Avery. “But where is it, Lucky? Do you have savings? Stocks? Where’s that money today?”
Lucky looked away.
“I’ll make more,” she murmured.
“And it will go up your nose too,” declared Avery.
“Enough!” said Chiti. “I can’t listen to you two attack each other anymore. You both work hard. You both have been through a lot. There’s no competition.”
But Chiti didn’t understand what it was like to have sisters. Against their parents, against the world at large, they were fiercely allied. But among themselves, everything was a competition. There was never enough attention, never enough money, never enough love to go around. So they fought for every scrap.
“I don’t need this,” Avery said. “I’m going out.”
