“I need to tell you something,” they said in unison, then laughed in surprise.
“You go first,” Liam said.
“No.” Carly shook her head. “You go first. I need a second to compose my words.”
That sounded ominous. If Carly had to choose her words, she must be trying to let him down easily. Liam already had his answer. No need to embarrass himself further.
“I just wanted to apologize about that kiss.” Liam fidgeted with the control lever on his chair, unable to look her in the eye. “You know I didn’t mean anything by it, right? We were just having fun. I didn’t want you to worry that I have feelings for you or expect you to date me or anything.”
“Right.” Her voice was choked. Liam risked a glance and found her cheeks glowing pink. Had he guessed wrong? Did she want the kiss to be real, like he did?
“Unless you wanted more,” he hurried to qualify his statement. “I’m open to more. I just wanted you to know I don’t have expectations.”
“Don’t worry.” She dug the toe of her shoe into the spotless floor. “I wasn’t reading anything into it. I know a guy like you wouldn’t really be interested in a girl like me.”
“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean? A guy like me and a girl like you?”
“It’s like I told you before, Liam. I have a past. I made a big mistake, and—”
“A bigger mistake than causing your friend’s death?”
She raised her head, locking eyes. “Yes, Liam. My mistake was as big as yours. Maybe bigger.”
“Even if that were true, I’m in no position to judge someone for mistakes in their past. In fact, I could help you move on.”
Her eyes went unfocused, staring through him. “I’m working it out already. I have a plan to make amends for my actions. But it may take another ten or fifteen years. Or twenty. Or maybe a lifetime, but that’s okay. Someday, I may be able to forgive myself and move on. But I’m not ready for that yet.”
“Carly, this mistake you made, whatever it is, shouldn’t stop you from living. You can’t let it ruin your whole life.”
“Why not?” Her defeated tone tore at his heart. “It ruined someone else’s life. Why shouldn’t it ruin mine, too?”
“I felt that way, at first, about my best friend. But then I realized ruining my life wouldn’t bring Ben’s life back. So all I could do is live for both of us.”
She tucked her chin down. “That’s beautiful, Liam. I know your friend would be proud of you.”
“Maybe.” Liam shrugged. “I’ll never know. But the point is there’s never a reason to give up on your life.”
“I’m not giving up. I’m just determined never to be selfish again.”
“I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall.” Liam shook his head.
“That pretty much sums me up.”
Except nothing about her had resembled a brick wall when they’d kissed. What was going on inside that head of hers? Why did she work so hard to keep her emotions tucked away? And what mistake could she have possibly made that was as bad or worse than the one Liam and Ben had made? Maybe that’s what she’d been about to confess.
“Your turn,” Liam said. “What were you going to tell me?”
“Uhm…” Her face went white. “Nothing, really. I just want you to know that, whatever else happens, you deserve to be happy.”
“That’s it? That’s the thing you had to word so carefully?”
“No… there’s more.” Her fingers twisted together. “It’s about my mistake. I want to tell you about it Liam. But I’ll be honest, I won’t be able to face you afterwards. I need to tell you right before I leave.”
“Carly, it can’t possibly be that bad.”
“Trust me, it is.”
Her entire countenance drooped. He had to lighten the moment. “Let me guess… you hate puppies?”
“No, Liam—”
“You sang the Star Spangled Banner for a big event on television and forgot the words?”
“No.” Her lips curved up for a fleeting moment.
“You went to church wearing only your underwear?”
“Many times, but only in my nightmares.” A smile won the battle on one corner of her mouth.
“You took an important test and forgot one of the fundamentals of engineering design?”
“Horrors! No!” She gave a cry of mock distress, her expression dramatic. “I’ve never done anything that bad in my life. I can’t believe you would even suggest it.”
“Thank goodness.” Liam swiped the back of his hand across his forehead in theatrical fashion. “That would’ve spelled the end of our friendship for sure. I’d never speak to you again.”
She went oddly quiet. What had he said wrong? She turned toward the door.
“Seriously, Carly.” He reached for her arm. When his fingers brushed her sleeve, she froze, then glanced over her shoulder. “There’s not much you could do that would make me judge you. As long as you tell me the truth.”
