It’s weird to be here with a guy who is not Erik, but truth be told, he is more my type: slim, elegant, and refined. I like his formal work clothes and silver watch and how his nails are so well kept they look manicured.
Minutes turn into a couple of hours as the conversation shifts from guitar lessons to bands to movies to games to whale-watching and extraterrestrial contact. He’s even nicer to talk with in person.
But as we start to talk about ourselves, he says, “I think I should be honest with you.”
I look at him, waiting. For almost three hours, I forgot I was lonely. Forgot I was uncomfortable. That being here feels not only weird but...wrong. Suddenly all those feelings are back.
“I’ve been on and off Cinder because I’ve had a...well, a complicated relationship.”
I nod, showing him that I’m listening.
“We were breaking up and getting back together all the time, and I was unsure about what I wanted.”
I keep nodding, appreciating his brutal honesty. His reluctance to accept my date requests makes sense now.
“And now you broke up again?”
“Yes.”
“For good?”
He smiles, looking down. “I know this might make you feel insecure, but yes. For good.”
He is not convinced. He still loves this girl and is trying to forget her by being with someone else.
I can relate.
I breathe out through my nose, half laughing. “You’re tricking yourself, Thomas.”
“Excuse me?” He raises his eyebrows.
“You still love her, and you should go get her back.”
He snorts and shakes his head in denial. Confused. “Why are you saying this? I thought you—”
“I don’t want someone whose heart belongs to another.”
“It’s not like that.” He frowns. “Just because we’ve struggled to forget someone, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give ourselves a chance to find love again. A better love.”
I look down, playing with my bracelet. “I’m here to forget someone too.” As soon as the words come out of my mouth, my face burns, but I continue. “He wasn’t ready for a commitment, and he backed away.”
“Do you still love him?” Thomas asks. I look up to meet his eyes.
“We were never a couple. I’m not sure what we had, but I’m better off forgetting him.”
Thomas looks down at his coffee now, awkward silence growing around our table.
“Why did you like me on Cinder, Thomas?”
“I’ll be honest with you again.” He sighs, avoiding my eyes. “I made a Cinder account a few years ago when I was helping a friend with some research. I went on a few dates, and then my profile was dead while I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend. I was on and off the app, like I told you, even when my friend didn’t need help anymore. So, in the summer, when I liked your profile and we started chatting, I was at a boring birthday party. My friends started talking about how you can’t find a good match online, and I told them I was having a nice conversation with you. They doubted it would result in anything, but I enjoyed talking to you, so I kept in touch.”
I’m frozen. Everything has turned to ice inside of me. My heart has stopped beating.
A friend’s research. A friend who thought you couldn’t find a good match online.
“Thomas, do you know Erik Storm?” My voice comes out shaky.
“Yes, we’re acquainted.”
OMG.
Is it a problem if Erik finds out about this date from Thomas?
Mental me answers, Yes! Erik will think I don’t like him.
Mental Larissa: Why does that matter when he will never know about your feelings anyway?
“Does he know we’ve been talking on Cinder?” I ask.
“No, we’re not close friends. We just have friends in common.”
Don’t feel relieved yet.
“Was he the friend you were helping with the Cinder research?” I can’t breathe.
“No. That was Martin Olesen.”
I suffocate.
