Some women included in the Bible’s pages were just present to support the cause of Christ. They were just there. The writers might not have included them as active characters in the story, but still, they were there. So we have to pick up their mantle and carry their legacy into the next generation. We can’t afford to sleep at our posts. We have too many lives to touch. Our nations, our cities, and our communities are looking for women in this millennium who are crowned to serve and are willing to step outside themselves.
In John 10, we’re introduced to Lazarus, a really good friend of Jesus. One day when Jesus was out ministering amid political and religious tension, He received word from Lazarus’s sisters, Mary and Martha, that Lazarus was really sick. A couple of days passed, and then Jesus said to His disciples, “Let’s go back to Judea.” The disciples protested because, a few days before, the people in Judea had tried to kill Him.[4] But Jesus said, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but now I will go and wake him up.” Well, by that time, Lazarus had already died. And miraculously, Jesus raised him from the dead.
Sometimes we don’t want to step out of our comfort zones to serve other people because of the inconvenience. But on the other side of our serving, a miracle is waiting. A little while later, Jesus went back to Martha and Mary’s to have dinner with them. John emphasized the importance of this meeting: “Jesus arrived in Bethany, the home of Lazarus—the man he had raised from the dead.”[5]
I wanted to give you context and texture so that as we go through the story, you can feel and understand the scene. People who were mourning were now celebrating because Lazarus was alive. Imagine losing a loved one, then seeing them come back to life. Imagine Jesus and Lazarus, the healer and the healed, sitting together at the same table. John set the scene for us: “A dinner was prepared in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, and Lazarus was among those who ate with him. Then Mary took a twelve-ounce jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard, and she anointed Jesus’ feet with it, wiping his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance.”[6]
I want to pause on that moment for a second. Mary was serving her Savior because she was grateful that her brother was no longer dead. Some of your loved ones have been metaphorically dead, but then God has brought them back to life. You thought that they would never step foot in church after what they’ve endured, but they’re sitting beside you, alive again. So you’re crowned to serve because you’re grateful. That’s what I’m praying for—that our hearts would be filled with such gratitude.
Women might ordinarily have served a rabbi like Jesus, but Mary was also sitting and listening to His teaching and engaging in the conversation. Then, Mary finished dinner. Scripture says, “She anointed His feet, wiping them with her hair. The house was filled with fragrance.” As I was studying this passage, I learned that women were careful to cover their hair in Jesus’s day. By uncovering hers, Mary was opening herself up to be misunderstood because, in Jewish society at this time, it wasn’t proper or respectable to expose your hair in this way.[7] But because Mary was crowned to serve in that moment, she was willing to take that chance. Because she was so grateful, she washed Jesus’s feet with her hair. Jesus’s feet were dusty because He had been traveling. She washed them anyway. His feet were eventually going to stumble toward the cross, and she washed them in preparation for that journey.
Mary was misunderstood but in a different way. The story continues with Judas Iscariot saying, “That perfume was worth a year’s wages. It should have been sold and the money given to the poor.”[8] But Judas didn’t care for the poor; he was a thief and often helped himself to the disciples’ money. Judas was a hater, and tension lay heavy in the room. But Jesus stepped in and said, “Leave her alone. She did this in preparation for my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me” (verses 7–8). Imagine that moment. Mary was just hanging out with Jesus, and her heart was overwhelmed and filled with gratitude for the miracle He had performed for her family. She spent an entire year’s wages, which is what that little twelve-ounce jar was worth, and she poured it out on Jesus’s feet and poured her heart out in service. I just think this story is so beautiful.
I’ve been married for a long time now, which is so awesome. I can’t even believe it. My heart is filled with such gratitude. I want to pour oil on the feet of Jesus. I want to give Him every single thing I have and serve Him with every fiber of my being because—here’s the deal—my parents weren’t married. I didn’t get to see a godly example of a husband and wife. Bedtime stories weren’t read to me every night like Earl and I do for our kids. I’m rewriting history, and I’m so grateful that Jesus set me free and painted a picture of a healthy marriage for me. So I’m honored to serve. I’m honored to serve my husband. Honored to serve in the church. Honored to serve my sisters. Just twenty-five years ago, I was at a club in a cropped top dropping it like it was hot. I know that I don’t have it all together, and I know that God isn’t finished with me yet, but I’m so grateful. So I want to give Him my all.
It’s my prayer that we would be so grateful that we would want to give Him everything and serve our families, our communities, and the local church. I pray that we would want to pour out everything at whatever cost because of that gratitude. When Mary acted out of her gratitude, the Bible says, “The house was filled with the fragrance” (verse 3). If you’ve ever wondered why the church that you go to is so special, it’s because a group of women and men who know that they’re crowned to serve lead by laying down their lives. The house is then filled with His fragrance. Or think of an organization you admire like the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, or March of Dimes. Those organizations are made up of people who volunteer, and that generosity of service is a large part of what makes them so special.
John 13 tells us about the final Passover that Jesus celebrated with His disciples. “Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end” by serving them (verse 1). Even though His life was at risk, He was at dinner with His disciples. Anyone could knock on the door at any moment to take His life. But they were having dinner together, and “he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin” (verses 4–5).
I love that our Savior, who we should serve, exemplified how we should serve others. He easily could have said, “I’m about to suffer and die for all of you. Can you all wash My feet and say nice things about Me?” But that’s not what He did. He knew that He would soon wear a crown of thorns, but in that moment, He knew that He was crowned to serve.
Think about this: Would so much conflict exist in our families, so much drama take place in our friendships, so much division run amok in our communities, if we knew that we were crowned to serve one another well? “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms” (1 Peter 4:10, NIV).
How beautiful would the transformation be if we all modeled servant behavior in our marriages? If we knew we were crowned to serve those in our workplaces, would we have peace? If we knew we were crowned to serve those at church, would it feel more like home? Jesus knew that He was crowned to serve, and He knew that His service was preparing Him for death. When we serve like Jesus served, it prepares us to die to self. Serving others without personal gain will kill selfishness.
Jesus got vulnerable with His disciples, stripped off His outer garments, and was just raw and real with them. Mary had washed Jesus’s feet, and then He in turn washed the disciples’ feet. “After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, ‘Do you understand what I was doing? You call me “Teacher” and “Lord,” and you are right, because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.’ ”[9] Whatever backgrounds we have, whatever situations we are in, we are crowned to serve and to wash the feet of our sisters. Jesus said, “I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.”[10]
I wonder what would happen with the racial tension in our country if we all committed to serving our sisters. I wonder what would happen in our families if we said, “I’m going to serve my family.” I wonder what would happen in our schools if we said, “I’m going to serve my teacher.” I wonder what would happen in doctors’ offices if we grabbed the hands of women scared to find out if they have cancer and said, “There’s a God in the universe who loves you, who knows you’re suffering, and who knows every hair on your head.” What if we as women said, “Life is not about me, not about my agenda, and not about my dreams. Life is about being crowned to serve the King of kings and the Lord of lords.” What if the fragrance of our service filled our offices, city streets, and neighborhoods?
Paul tells us, “Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality” (Romans 12:11–13, MSG).
Serving is significant. When you serve, you step outside yourself. When you serve, you’re saying, “God, I trust You. You walked this earth, Jesus. Your life was at risk, but You still served.” He was misunderstood, but He still served. He was questioned, but He still served. He served us all the way to the cross, walking that long road with a crown of thorns on His head after being mocked, beaten, and whipped. He said, “Father, I still serve You. I’m going to cry, but I still serve You. I’m going to have to fight, but I still serve You. I’m going to serve You even unto death.” But the story doesn’t end there. Jesus rose from the dead so that we could have eternal life. He wore a crown of thorns to serve us, so let’s serve one another. Let’s get rid of the hating and say, “We’re going to be those daughters. We’re going to usher in a value revolution. Father God, You can have it all. We’re declaring that You can take our lives, that You can breathe on us and do something miraculous in us.” I dare you to worship God right now wherever you are. I dare you to praise Him. I dare you to commit to serving Him for the first time or for the hundredth time, and I know that God will fill your soul.
When you serve, your life is transformed. When you serve, miracles, signs, and wonders take place.
As God’s daughters, we are crowned to serve one another. Just like Mary boldly stepped out of her comfort zone to pour out what cost her so much and serve with humility and grace.
Let’s Pray
Father God, I thank You for Your presence and work in my life. I thank You that even now You’re crowning me to serve. I thank You for serving me, washing me, and loving me. Help me now wash the feet of others. Jesus, I’m going to pour it all out for You. Every single thing that I have—every talent, every gift, every thought—I offer it to You. It’s not about me. It’s about You, Father God. I want to make Your name known. Take every single fiber of my being, Father God. Pour out Your Spirit on me. In Jesus’s name.
11 Called to Gather
I’ll never forget more than twenty years ago when I went to a women’s conference with thousands of ladies. I had no idea what God had in store for me at that gathering of women from all over the world. I thought it was just a conference. I had no idea my life would be changed. I think heaven smiles when we gather together. It was at this conference that God spoke to my heart about leaving the broadcast news industry that I loved, asking me to join my husband in ministry. The sermon wasn’t on a related topic, and if I’m honest, I don’t even remember the theme of the conference. But I do remember what God spoke to my heart in that crowd of women.
As soon as I got home, I shared with my husband what God had spoken to me, and he was shocked. He had always celebrated my dreams and encouraged me to pursue them. But as I look back almost two decades later, it was one of the best decisions of my entire life. We’re leading a growing, beautiful, diverse, global, life-giving church together. And every gift and skill I have, I learned from taking steps in that direction.
We’re not just called to gather on a large scale like a conference. We’re also called to gather in our daily lives.
I have three amazing children, and there are eleven years between the youngest and oldest. I had an elementary school kid, a middle schooler, and a high schooler all at one time. Because of their age range, I’ve had the opportunity to come alongside so many moms to be a mentor and big sister. No matter the season you’re in, gathering with other women on similar journeys, women who have gone before you, or even women who are younger than you is a game changer. It keeps the fire burning in you, prevents you from being isolated, and helps you maintain perspective no matter how challenging the season is. In gathering, we get to find out what is considered a normal experience and ask for advice about specific situations. In gathering, we’re strengthened and we grow.
We as women are often under siege. Different arrows are shot at us every single day. The world is fighting to make us forget our value, our worth, and our voice. We’re under attack from the moment we’re born. Girls form cliques in elementary school, already exhibiting exclusionary behavior and assigning worth based on social status. Do you ever wonder why the Enemy starts attacking women so early with comparison and jealousy? It’s because of the power of gathering.
Even though women are under siege, the power of sisterhood is saying, “I’m in this with you.” We’re not going to conform to the world’s standard of womanhood. We’re not going to be like many women portrayed on reality TV shows. God bless them—they’re amazing. But we’re not going to be yelling at one another, pulling one another’s hair, backbiting, stealing one another’s husbands, and talking about one another’s kids. That’s not our message.
The world is also pushing us to isolate ourselves, especially when we’re going through a tough time. A spirit of isolation seems to exist in our society. But it’s a lying spirit. Honestly, we would never have to leave the house if we didn’t want to. I’m not mad about some conveniences like Amazon Prime. I’m not mad that I can just get on my computer and Band-Aids are delivered to my door in two hours. I’m not mad that I can order groceries online, tip the driver four dollars, and avoid the commotion in a grocery store with three kids. I’m not mad about that.
But with all this convenience, the structure of our world makes us think that we don’t need one another.
You can do everything from your phone. You can do everything by yourself. You can practically exist in a virtual reality. The Enemy wants the spirit of isolation to permeate our society because destructive habits form when you’re alone too much. When you’re alone, you feel like nobody else is hurting like you’re hurting. When you’re alone, you feel like your pain is the heaviest you could possibly imagine. When you’re alone, you feel like you’re the only one whose marriage is struggling. When you’re alone, you feel like the only one who feels overweight. When you’re alone, you feel like the only one who’s not going to get a promotion. That’s why so much power exists in the gathering of women.
Gather to Belong
We all are fighting isolation now, some more than others. Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 says, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” We’re not called to be in isolation. We need physical touch, we need to lock eyes, and we need to be around one another. Community gives life. If you watch National Geographic or study animals, you know they roll deep in herds because when an animal is alone, it’s vulnerable to attack. You’ve seen those animal documentaries where, out of the blue, a cheetah snatches a lone creature and disappears. But when herds stay tight, the predators can’t attack them. So we roll deep as a sisterhood. Our gathering pushes away the Enemy.
Getting out of a dark place is much harder when you’re alone. We’re all going to fall. We’re human, and we don’t have to be perfect. You’re going to fall. But the key is having someone grab your hand and say, “Girl, get back up. I know who you are. I know that you’re not called to make those choices, and I’m going to pray with you until we watch that breakthrough come. We’re going to go to church, we’re listening to podcasts, we’re going to therapy and counseling, and we’re going to worship together until we cross over to victory together.”
Ecclesiastes 4 has more wisdom for us: “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (verse 12). We are women who are not easily broken because we are women who can say, “I’m a part of a sisterhood. I’m a part of a triple-braided cord.”
Your finances aren’t going to break you. Your relationships aren’t going to break you. Your fears aren’t going to break you. Your insecurities aren’t going to break you. Because you will be supported and encouraged in the sisterhood. We all find belonging when we allow ourselves to live in community with the beautiful and messy people God’s placed around us. We’re called to gather.
The world is getting dark. But a companion can help you bear the darkness and carry the weight of the world. We come together to give one another hope and to speak life. We don’t have to have it all together. I sure don’t. As I write this chapter, my toes aren’t even polished! I don’t remember the last time I had a pedicure. I haven’t had time. Don’t get me one. Really, I don’t need you to get me one. But if you were to look closely at my toes, you would think, Bless her.
Jesus shows up when we gather.
But here’s the deal: we don’t have to have it all together.
One of my weeks a few years ago was really crazy. Earl had knee surgery so that he can dunk more because he loves basketball and also so that he can run around with our kids. In the previous chapter, I talked about being crowned to serve. Well, I earned a couple of crowns that week as I ran around to make sure Earl had everything he needed. I even asked him, “Do you feel I’m doing a good job?” Because you know how you sometimes can feel like you’ve taken care of someone well, but they still need more? Part of you might think, Wow, okay. I guess I don’t have anything to do but serve you. I’m just being honest. So I said, “Earl, do you feel taken care of? Do you feel like I’m leaning into you? Do you feel good?” And he said, “Yes, you’ve been amazing.” I was so relieved! That was a crazy week. But I knew that if I could just get to church and be surrounded by the sisterhood of all my girls and if I could just sit in God’s presence, God would meet me there, and He absolutely did. I know that He’s meeting you right now too.
