You don’t have to do life alone.
From Earl’s knee surgery to sending my oldest child to college, I wouldn’t have survived without community. Meals, encouraging texts, advice from other moms who have launched their kids—all of this has buffered this season with grace and strength. I’m passionate about this: You don’t have to go it alone.
Sadly, many of us have been hurt in community and are afraid to trust again. I first want to say I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve experienced—it makes sense why you want to skip this chapter. But can I tell you I’ve been hurt too? I’ve been misunderstood. I’ve been betrayed by friends who I thought would never turn their back on me. I prayed and allowed God to heal my broken heart. Was it awful? Yes. Was it hard? Yes. But I will tell you God has healed my heart. Though it did take time. I decided I’m going to love big and trust again and allow new friends and healed friends to surround me. I say all this to say that when we’re surrounded by the right healthy people, we’re strengthened, encouraged, and able to make it through almost anything.
Gather in the Good and Bad Times
We’re called to gather when we’re burning in the furnace of trouble. When the heat is turned up, we’re still called to come together. When fire’s coming from everywhere and we think, Could this situation possibly get any worse? Could the fire possibly get any hotter? Could life possibly get any more difficult?—guess what? We’re still called to gather. In the good times and in the bad.
In the book of Exodus, we get a fascinating look at the power of women working shoulder to shoulder during the time when Israel was enslaved to Egypt:
Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, gave this order to the Hebrew midwives, Shiphrah and Puah: “When you help the Hebrew women as they give birth, watch as they deliver. If the baby is a boy, kill him; if it is a girl, let her live.” But because the midwives feared God, they refused to obey the king’s orders. They allowed the boys to live, too.
So the king of Egypt called for the midwives. “Why have you done this?” he demanded. “Why have you allowed the boys to live?”
“The Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women,” the midwives replied. “They are more vigorous and have their babies so quickly that we cannot get there in time.”
So God was good to the midwives, and the Israelites continued to multiply, growing more and more powerful. And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own. (1:15–21)
I love how these two midwives used their position to protect the next generation. They didn’t let the king stop them from being used by God. That is so powerful. Who are you supposed to gather with at your job, at your school, in your neighborhood? Don’t underestimate the power of gathering.
There’s a plan and a purpose for every woman created. We’re reminding the women of the world that God hasn’t forgotten about them and that He will never leave them or forsake them.[1] That is the power of sisterhood. That is the power of gathering. Together, we push against the current.
When others judge, we love.
When others gossip, we speak life.
When others ignore, we lean in.
We are that sisterhood. We are those girls. Speak this over yourself: “I’m that girl.”
When you understand the power of a gathering of women, you’ll be expectant about what God can do in your life, what miracles He can do on your behalf, and what battles He can fight. An old African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together.” We as a sisterhood go together. We’re going to go farther. We’re not alone. We’re for one another. We believe in one another. We speak life into one another. We’re one another’s cheerleaders. You can cheer in a skirt or combat boots as long as you’re cheering for somebody. We believe that we’re called to do exceedingly abundantly more than we could ever ask, think, or imagine.[2] But we can’t let one another make the journey alone; we need to say, “You know what? I’m going with you.” If you’re reading this, we’re in this life together. You’re not alone.
Gather with the Presence
Finally, Matthew 18:20 says, “Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” (NIV). God is here right now with you, He is here in your storm, and He is here to bring breakthrough. Whatever fire you’re facing, whatever storm, I’m believing that heaven is going to invade earth on your behalf.
We come from a long line of women who gathered with purpose and power. Deborah and Jael double-teamed the enemy and took him down. And as we saw in the last chapter, Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Susanna, and many other women helped fund Jesus’s ministry.[3] I think about the women who gathered around the tomb to prepare Jesus’s body for burial. All throughout Scripture, we see how when women gather together, God shows up. Hebrews 12 tells us that we’re surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and urges us to throw off everything that hinders and entangles us.[4] When we gather together, we help one another throw down weights that would try to hold us back.
If you’ve had trouble finding an amazing church or healthy community, I encourage you to start a neighborhood or online Bible study. Maybe consider starting an office Bible study or workout group. If you’re in school, consider asking a few girls to work out with you or do a book study together. You can form the community you’re craving. Another great way to meet people is to volunteer in your community. You will be surprised by the women you meet outside your comfort zone.
Let’s Pray
Father God, I thank You that even when I walk through tough times, Your presence is with me to strengthen me and encourage me. I thank You that chains are falling right now, that hope is coming right now, that peace is flooding my heart, that miracles are being performed in my finances, my mind, and my body. I thank You that Your presence surrounds me and reminds me that I am not alone, even in the fire.
12 Be Still in the Middle
When you see me smiling with my son Grayson, you might assume that we never had to fight for anything. You might not know that we adopted him. You might not know that we cried out to God for two and a half years for him to come into our lives. When Earl and I met in college, we knew we wanted to have biological children, but we also had a heart for adoption. We waited seven years until our first baby was born. We were just enjoying that newlywed life, being spontaneous. It was fun. No rush. Then we had our oldest, Parker. A few years after having Parker, we thought, You know what? It’s probably time for baby number two. But we thought, Let’s adopt instead of having another biological baby. So we went to the adoption agency and sat through the orientation classes, where they told us, “Oh, you’ll have a baby in four to six months.” Two and a half years later, we were in our middle. Most people don’t know this part of our story. We got paired up with three different birth moms. Each time, we were expectant, thinking that they had picked us to be the parents. We thought we were finally having a little girl, who we were going to name Grace. That’s why Grayson’s name is Grayson. He was supposed to be Grace, but God had other plans.
We would be paired with these birth moms, they would look through our adoption book, and then our adoption agent would call us to say, “You’ve been picked.” We would get so excited and tell all our friends. Then we would get a call after four weeks that the birth mom had decided to go a different direction. This happened three times. We felt like we had this promise in our hearts—this dream to adopt—but every time we were chosen, then rejected, we felt like we had experienced a miscarriage. Finally, the adoption agency said they had a girl for us, so Earl was on cloud nine. We were waiting to find out when we could go pick up our little girl. All my girlfriends had planned a baby shower for me and had picked out bedding for her room. I bought a journal with the name Grace written on it. The nursery was going to be decorated in florals and stripes and was going to be beautiful. At Parker’s preschool graduation, I told Earl, “Today the adoption agency is going to call us to tell us that Grace has been born and that we can go pick her up.” Then the phone rang, and I stepped outside the classroom to hear sadness in the voice of the adoption counselor. She said, “The birth mom actually decided to go with the family that previously adopted another one of her children.” We went from this high of thinking that we were about to pick up our little girl to feeling so discouraged because this was the third time that our dreams and hopes had been shattered. I’ll never forget thinking, God, where are You in this? You’re the one who placed this seed in our hearts to have a little girl. Where are You? I thought You were fighting this battle for us.
We were super discouraged. We just got in the car, went home, packed our bags, drove to Dallas, and found a hotel. As we were driving, Earl looked at me as the city skyline came into view and said, “I wonder if we’re supposed to plant a church there.” In the midst of our brokenness, in the midst of us feeling as if God had deserted us, in the middle of our battle, He planted a dream in our hearts for the church that we lead today. But that dream was accompanied by struggle and some tears. I just want to tell you that, in the middle of whatever you’re facing, God can show up and plant dreams and visions in your heart.
Sometimes it’s easy to believe that God is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end, but we forget that He’s God even in the middle.
In the middle of your worst days, He’s still God.
In the middle of your doubt, He’s still God.
In the middle of your fears, He’s still God.
He can show up in any situation.
Revelation 1:8 says, “The Master declares, ‘I’m A to Z. I’m The God Who Is, The God Who Was, and The God About to Arrive’ ” (MSG). Do you need God to arrive in a situation that you’re facing? Do you need to be reminded that He’s going to show up, that He’s on time, and that He’s going to provide for you? He’s faithful, He’s true, and He’s still on the scene fighting for you and me. We sometimes do ourselves a disservice because we talk about God being the Alpha when our lives are peaceful or we give Him praise at the end of a trial when we can see Him as the Omega. But He’s still God even when things aren’t great.
There are some critical, supernatural middle moments in Scripture. God did this on purpose so that when life gets hard, we’ll know we can trust His faithfulness.
John 19:17–18 says, “They took Jesus, therefore, and He went out, carrying His own cross, to the place called the Place of a Skull, which in Hebrew is called, Golgotha. There they crucified Him, and with Him two other men, one on either side, and Jesus in between” (NASB). He’s been in the middle. Jesus knows the pain and struggle you feel when you’re in the middle, hard-pressed on every side. God can show up in the middle of our mess. He can show up when we’re lost.
I’ll never forget that drive with Earl. We didn’t say much to each other, because no words could communicate our feelings. We were heartbroken and downtrodden. But we didn’t know that God was working behind the scenes, using that situation to plant a city in our hearts and to get us the child who we were called to love—our little boy Grayson.
We returned from that trip with a dream to plant a church in Dallas. Then, a few months later, we found out that Grayson was already growing in his birth mother’s womb during the time we were feeling forgotten. Our son was being prepared for us. We had no idea. I’ll never forget calling our adoption agency, saying, “My heart keeps getting broken in a million pieces, so I’m done being paired with birth moms. Just call me when you have a baby.” Earl thought that was harsh, but I said, “I can’t take it anymore. Just call me when you have a baby.” I’ll never forget the day the phone rang and the agency said, “We have an eight-pound baby boy for you,” and our lives were forever wrecked by him.
God tells us, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth” (Psalm 46:10, NIV). This means that the journey to bring Grayson home wasn’t over until God was exalted. This means that you can be still because He’s got the fight. He’s fighting this battle for you. You have to rest in His presence. You have to accept the peace with which He wants to clothe you. Don’t be fighting with the wind, wrestling with nothing, and stressing yourself out. Just be still and rest, especially in the middle of the journey, knowing that He’s got you covered.
Your journey isn’t over until God is exalted.
I love Psalm 55, where David cried out to God with some very real problems. He was literally running for his life, and he had been betrayed, just to name a few of the challenges he was facing. He wrote, “I call to God; God will help me. At dusk, dawn, and noon I sigh deep sighs—he hears, he rescues. My life is well and whole, secure in the middle of danger even while thousands are lined up against me” (verses 16–18, MSG). At dusk, at dawn, and at noon, David was crying out. He was desperate. His heart was hurting. But he knew that God hears and God rescues. I want to tell you that God hears your cry and He is going to rescue you. In the very next line, David said, “My life is well and whole.” We have to remember this when we’re in the middle, feeling forgotten or lost. Maybe we feel like God is no longer God or that He isn’t going to intervene, but David got it right. He said in hope, “My life is well and whole.” When you’re in the middle of something, I dare you to say, “All hell is breaking loose in my life, but I am well and whole because I am in the middle of His will. I’m secure.” David was in the middle of danger with thousands lined up against him, yet it was well with his soul. David was in the middle, but he knew that God was with him.
