“What about your new column for Ladies Home Journal? You just got that promotion after working so hard for it.”
“I had to quit.”
“Quit? No, I’ll talk to Mr. Dreyfuss about holding the position open for you.” There was that fixer in Raul coming through again.
“Please don’t, Raul. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”
“I know his boss’s boss. You’re finally getting your foot in the door. Now is not the time to walk away. If I talk to him, I’m sure I can convince him to—”
“Stop!” Sam didn’t mean to yell, but it was already hard enough to say goodbye without Raul giving her a reason to stay. “This is on me to deal with, I’m afraid.”
Raul opened his mouth to say something, pausing as he thought better of it, then spurted it out anyway. “You do know your plants and herbs may not fix what’s wrong with your dad, don’t you?”
“What do you mean?” Sam stepped out of his grasp. He should have trusted his instinct to keep his mouth shut. “You don’t think my methods are effective.”
“I’m not saying that, Sam. I just… want you to have realistic expectations. The doctor helping him has a medical degree. You don’t.”
Sam’s cheeks warmed, despite the cold chill still lingering on her wet clothes. “My realistic expectations were that you believed in me and my research.”
“I do believe in you, but you don’t even know what’s wrong with your dad.”
“It’s his heart, his high blood pressure. And I’ve already been looking into ways to fix it. In fact, I just found out that grapefruit is one of the most effective ways to lower blood pressure. I figure I can start with his diet and go from there.”
“Grapefruit can only go so far, Sam. He’s in good hands with his doctor. You don’t have to give up everything to help—”
“You don’t understand because you have never had a father!” The moment the words came out Sam wished she could shove them right back in. But it was the cold, hard truth.
Raul would never understand Sam’s sacrifice, because he had never had someone worth sacrificing for.
“Raul,” she continued softer, gentler, “My dad is the only reason I have something worth giving up—because he always supported me. The least I can do is be there with him, force-feeding him grapefruit if need be.”
Raul grinned and cupped her cheek. “You always seem to do the right thing. Just promise me something.”
“What?”
“In the event that you don’t find a cure-all, I don’t want you to blame yourself if…” Raul choked down the rest of the thought.
“If what, Raul?”
“If it doesn’t save your dad.”
They both knew what Raul was saying without saying it. “I knew it. You think my work is a bunch of hippie fringe quackery that doesn’t help anyone. One of these days I’ll prove myself to you and everyone else.”
What Sam didn’t realize was there was nothing to prove with Raul, because even when her research let her down and her father died shortly after, Raul would still believe in her. Still want to be her guinea pig. Still yearn to be her cheer captain.
“I never called you a quack, Sam. I just don’t want you to be putting so much pressure on yourself to save the world.”
“Someone has to, and it sure as heck won’t be the men willing to destroy it for a buck. So it might as well be me. Look, I’ve got to start packing,” Sam said, glancing at the door.
“I guess I’ll see you when you get back,” Raul concluded.
“You don’t get it. There is no coming back, Raul. I’m moving home… for good. I don’t think I’ll ever see you again. This,” Sam turned her gaze to his window that was also twice the size of hers, afraid to meet his eyes and lose the last remains of pragmatism that held her tears back, “is goodbye.”
Raul scoffed at the insinuation. “Goodbye? Sam, there will never be goodbye between us. I… love you.”
There went the pragmatism, right out the window. “You can’t possibly love me—”
“And of course you’ll see me. I’ll come visit the first chance I get,” Raul bulldozed ahead, as if he hadn’t just spoken the three most precious words strung together that Sam had never been given.
“And I’ll write you once I get settled,” Sam vowed.
Raul never visited, and Sam never wrote. When her father died, the first—and only—person she called was Raul.
“My dad passed. Please come to his funeral next week,” was the last thing she had said.
“I promise I’ll be there,” was the last thing Raul had replied.
Raul didn’t show up (on time), and Sam couldn’t forgive him (ever). The memory was as dramatic as an episode of the soap opera All My Children, minus the illegitimate child and shocking affair. The Raul she knew used to make good on his promises. But one week and a day later, Raul showed up at Minnie’s house out of the blue, and out of time.
After Minnie directed him to find Sam at the cemetery, he found her standing under a tree of golden leaves. The poor girl stood staring at the fresh mound of dirt that had been piled atop her father’s casket only twelve hours earlier.
While leaves fell around them, Raul apologized and begged her to return to the city, to her old job, to their life together. Not quite friends, not quite lovers, but something more meaningful in between. An I love you had been professed, after all. But Sam couldn’t join him. There was no longer a together for them. The one time she had truly needed Raul as she buried the only other man she ever loved, he had shown up a day too late.
“I said I was sorry for missing the funeral. Gimme another chance, Sam!” Raul had demanded as they both stood at the foot of her dad’s freshly turned plot. Though Raul knew Sam didn’t cave to demands.
“Raul, I don’t belong with you. Or with anyone. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, or even what I want, but it’s not in New York anymore,” she had tried to explain through tears.
“You’re wrong, Sam. That city is just as much a part of you as I am,” Raul had also tried to explain through tears.
