“Sir, do you really think someone like me, an ordinary, uneducated young woman, would be capable of outsmarting the smartest man in the world?”
“She has a point,” the detective agreed.
“Look at her haircut. There’s clearly something wrong with her in the head,” the corporal added.
“So please explain to me why I’m being charged with a crime I simply am not smart enough to pull off.”
The detective stammered, the corporal shook his head, and the lieutenant huffed as they all searched for a logical answer that simply didn’t exist.
Women’s House Magazine
February 1971 Issue
Samantha Says…
Q:Dear Samantha,
I recently read an article calling you a thief and claiming you falsified a ledger in order to discredit Cook Pharmaceuticals. As readers who have supported your column, I feel like you owe us an explanation of what really happened and who you truly are. All we want is the truth… are you the real deal or a gal who’d steal?
If you are in fact not a hack, can you recommend any healthy advice for weight loss? My best friend thinks I should shed a few pounds, and she swore by the black beauty pills, until she started hallucinating. I’d prefer to avoid that route, since at Woodstock I experienced enough hallucinations to last a lifetime.
Sincerely,
Must-know Maggie
A: Dear Must-know Maggie,
If you are reading this, I have either been thrown in jail or murdered for exposing the scam behind one of the country’s biggest prescription drug companies. I wrote this letter before I was incarcerated—or killed—with the intention of it being published in the event of my disappearance. I do hope it’s the former, not the latter, but in either case, I also hope it’s not in vain.
To the countless questions my readers are probably wondering, yes, the ledger is in fact real. Just like the payments it records Cook Pharmaceuticals paying doctors to prescribe drugs are real. Ask your own doctor if he’s ever made money off of writing you a script. I can only assume he’d be honest about it, since he lives by the Hippocratic Oath to do no harm… right? Unless that harm goes against his pocketbook.
You may be wondering why I dared speak out if it put a target on my back. If you’ve noticed the running theme in my column, it is a constant public plea for all women to learn their value. To not to let others bulldoze over your dreams. To take responsibility for what is yours—your body, your health, your relationships, your future, your happiness. It is not up to others to dictate who you are or what you’re worth or what will make you happy. If you’re too skinny or too fat. If you’re beautiful or ugly. If you’re smart or dumb. We must hold ourselves accountable for what we accept, and I chose not to accept the norms society sells us. Or the lies Big Pharma feeds us.
Today I chose to use my words to expose the lies and dig for truth. Even to the point of jail. Or death. In which case, I cordially invite you to my funeral.
We are not called Women’s House Magazine for nothing. This world is our house too, and we must take it back.
Sincerely,
Samantha
Chapter 30
