“I am,” Grant shrugged. “That is the problem. I have fallen into some easy sense of contentment here, and I can’t do that…I can’t screw things up for myself…”
“You won’t screw up,” Hailey replied casually. “You love basketball, and just because it’s not important to your dad doesn’t mean that it can’t be important to you. It’s just a game…it’s temporary…it won’t make or break your future…”
“I always screw up a good thing eventually,” Grant rolled his eyes.
“You don’t always screw up, Grant,” Hailey enunciated. “Nothing happens all the time.”
Grant chuckled.
“What?” Hailey shrugged.
Grant smiled. “Do you realize that you just attempted to discredit all absolutes with a statement that in itself was an absolute?”
“Okay…” Hailey said with a drawn out sigh. “I’m going to choose to ignore that statement, and say again…you are not going to screw up your life by playing basketball in Hope Hull your senior year. You don’t have to be buried in a book every second or picking the brain of a, oh I don’t know, insert the name of some brilliant person! You can enjoy life for a second and just be eighteen years old!”
“Then what?” Grant scoffed. “I won’t be eighteen forever, Hailey. If I go to the University of North Carolina on a basketball scholarship, I just don’t know if I’ll be happy…”
“You could always come to the University of Tennessee with me,” Hailey joked. “But I know you’re partial to the east coast and those buildings covered in ivy.”
“I think Harvard might be a good fit for me,” Grant nodded. “I have always loved Boston; I’ve always planned to go to law school there…now I’m thinking I should just do my undergrad there too…”
“Then go,” Hailey said sweetly, determined to be the friend that Grant needed her to be and ignoring the fact that her heart was aching at the thought of him moving so far away.
“Too bad it’s West Point or nothing,” Grant sighed. “I don’t think my dad can envision anything less than me being part of the long gray line.”
“It’s Harvard,” Hailey insisted.
Grant scoffed. “West Point is the be-all and end-all of his universe. Any other choice I make will be viewed as a disappointment. The second-rate school of choice is irrelevant to his inevitable overreaction.”
“Well, he can’t make you go to West Point,” Hailey insisted.
“No,” Grant shook his head, “besides, I guess I’ve spent the past couple years making sure that even if I wanted West Point, West Point wouldn’t want me.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Hailey said softly.
“You may, but make it an easy one,” Grant agreed.
“It is clear to me when I hear you talk that you know what you want. And while you have never struck me as someone who cares what other people think, where your dad is concerned, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. So why? Why do you care so much?” Hailey asked.
Grant shrugged. “He’s my dad; I respect him…I mean, I did… I do…I don’t know… I would like to make him proud.”
“I understand that,” Hailey nodded. “You will make him proud, but why the regret…why the inability to get over the fact that he really wanted you to go to West Point?”
“I can’t answer that because I don’t know,” Grant shrugged. “I don’t know why, on one hand, I get so angry at my dad for wanting me to be like Ike, and, on the other hand, I regret that I can’t do that for him…that I can’t fill that void in his life. They were close, Hails…they were more than father and son…they were best friends…his world fell apart when he lost his golden boy.”
“How did Ike die?” Hailey asked.
“I told you…there was a bad wreck…” Grant paused. “Apparently,” he considered his words, and they burned his throat as they escaped his lips, “my father was driving…”
Hailey swallowed.
“That’s really all I know,” Grant exhaled. “I was only two when it happened, so I don’t remember him, the wreck, the aftermath, the funeral, none of it…and it’s obviously not something I have ever been able to bring up with my parents. It’s pretty much always been an off-limits topic at our house.”
“Do you think that because your dad was so close to Ike, and then he lost him, that he was always afraid to get that close to you?” Hailey asked softly.
“I can’t imagine the range of emotions involved,” Grant shook his head.
Hailey rested her head against his shoulder and gently kissed his cheek.
“One of my favorite novels is called The Great Santini,” Grant told Hailey softly, “and every time I read it, I find myself becoming a little jealous of Ben Meechum…which is insane…the guy’s father is a half-crazed marine who bounces basketballs off his son’s head for crying out loud…”
“Yeah…that is insane,” Hailey agreed, sitting up.
Grant laughed. “It always makes me jealous because, despite the motive, it happened during a game of one-on-one…and that’s all I’ve ever wanted is for my dad to take five minutes and shoot some hoops with me…like your dad does.”
Hailey rubbed her arms, shivering slightly.
“You cold?” Grant asked.
“What was your first clue?” Hailey rolled her eyes playfully.
“Touché,” Grant laughed. He gestured toward the door. “Let’s go in,” he suggested.
“Wait,” Hailey insisted. “I want to finish this conversation. I want you to know that I understand that it has to be overwhelming at times to be capable of so much, but, truthfully, you should count yourself lucky that you have so many options. Grant, you are incredibly gifted, and I am so proud of you. You can do anything you want to do…be anyone you want to be. It doesn’t matter what it is or how you get there…I’ll be here for you…you’re my best friend…even when you’re mean.”
“Do you know who I want to be?” Grant smiled.
“Who’s that?” Hailey grinned.
