“Ugh, stop. I can’t sleep with him ever again. This situation needs clear boundaries.”
Celine laughed as she scrambled eggs in a pan.
“You could also just stay here,” she said.
“In Maine?” That was an insane suggestion.
“You own a whole-ass forest. And a lakefront mansion. And a timber company. Somehow, I think you could make it work.”
My stomach churned at the sheer number of issues I’d have to figure out.
“Stop it,” she said, sliding a plate of eggs in front of me. “You’re obsessing again.”
With a roll of my eyes, I picked up my fork. She was right; hunger made the nausea worse. I had so much to learn, not just about pregnancy and babies, but about how to raise a child and protect them from the kind of heartbreak I’d experienced.
Celine refused to let me work for the rest of the day. Instead, she stayed and kept me company. After she made lunch, we sat on the patio. She showed me how to calculate my due date online and suggested insane baby names while we watched the kids play and laugh in the sunlight.
I rested my hand on my still flat stomach. The love I could feel for this tiny person was already activating every protective instinct in me.
With those instincts came a wave of guilt. I’d let things get messy. Not only had I had unprotected sex with my employee-slash-ex-husband, but I’d enjoyed the time I’d spent with him recently.
I’d been letting him creep back into my life, with his grumpy charm and his kind actions.
It was exactly what I’d promised myself I wouldn’t let happen. I swore I’d keep things clean and professional.
Yet here I was, pregnant with the man’s child, making a messy situation even more difficult to navigate. Because I would never, ever let him hurt my child the way he hurt me.
I’d trusted him with my heart once, and I knew better than to trust him again. What if he chose his career over this baby? Or something equally meaningless?
What if he tossed this child aside for something better?
If he let this perfect little person down, then I would actually have to murder him. Just the thought brought all my sadness, anger, and rage back to the surface.
The emotions that had swamped me the day I stepped onto that plane, knowing he was letting me leave, came straight back. The lonely months that turned into years as I carried on, knowing that, despite his promises, he’d never loved me the way I’d loved him.
The pain of losing everyone I loved and my home, being tossed out into the world with no support, had me clenching my fists. I could do this. I would do this.
I would love and cherish this little miracle. And while I’d allow Gus to be a part of his child’s life, I’d be drawing some very firm boundaries and making sure both of our hearts stayed protected forever.
Chapter 19Gus
Iwoke up to a strange, heavy sensation. I’d fallen asleep on the couch after spending the evening working in my woodshop. I’d been so restless that I needed to create something. Cole had been asking me to create a few original pieces to auction at RiverFest, so it seemed like as good a time as any to get started.
This morning, though, I was paying for it. My neck was already screaming. I opened my eyes to investigate the weight on my legs, my heart instantly leaping.
Clementine was on the end of the couch, curled up next to me, with her head resting on my shin.
Remaining as still and relaxed as I could so as not to disturb this adorable scene, I took her in. My neck was killing me, but this moment was worth the pain.
Slowly, I reached for my phone on the coffee table so I could document this monumental occasion. It had finally happened.
My heart was so full.
Time and trust. That’s what the director of the shelter had said. And she was right.
Before I could snap the pic, Clem lifted her head and gave me an unamused look. Almost as if she’d seen how overjoyed I was at the small gesture of trust and was embarrassed for me.
With a scratch behind her ears, I smiled.
“I know your secret, girl,” I told her. “You’re starting to like me. I’ll grow on you, and eventually, we’re gonna be best friends.”
At the office, I checked in with Sam and played phone tag with the mill to coordinate the delivery of a load of remaining timber. In an hour, I was due to meet with JJ.
The sheer number of changes made me uneasy, but I liked her, and I respected the hell out of her.
We’d been busy, zipping all over the place, taking photos and samples. We’d even gotten Finn to take us up for some aerial footage. Between the excitement of seeing Chloe and feeling challenged at work, I felt more energized than I had in years.
As hard as it was to accept, I was beginning to think that Hebert Timber was better off now. That these big changes were necessary for growth and survival. It had been drilled into me since birth that this was my role, my place. That no one could do the job like a Hebert could. But that no longer felt like the case.
I rolled my shoulders and tipped my head to one side, then the other, still sore from sleeping on the couch, and noticed a text on my phone.
It was Chloe.
Could you stop by today? I’m working from home, and there’s something I’d like to discuss with you in person.
