‘Do you think you’re that approachable, Rory? Do you think it’s easy to admit to you that I’m not happy?’ I gathered momentum, ignoring the voice in my head that told me I’d regret this outburst. ‘I can’t help how I’m feeling, and I know it took me longer than it should have to admit it, but I’m trying to be honest now.’
‘Too little, too late.’ Rory shook his head.
‘I tried to tell you Rory, I really did. But do you know what, I’ve not been feeling much support from your end either.’
I was out of breath, all fired up now that I had committed to saying what was on my mind.
Rory was incredulous. ‘You think I don’t support you?’
I was in too deep to back down now. ‘I think that it’s really fucking hard balancing our friendship with work, and I don’t think either of us have done a very good job. I feel worlds away from you right now.’
The last few words made him recoil, like I’d physically hit him. This was not how I’d planned this evening. The cans of Dr Pepper – that I hated, but Rory loved, which I’d gone to the corner shop specifically to get – sat unopened in the fridge. The anger drained out of me.
‘How was I supposed to find it easy to tell you anything? You’re Level’s number-one fan.’
He winced. ‘Right. Except I’m not its number one fan, Penny. I’m yours. I thought that was how this worked. Level is my job. It was never meant to be more important than this.’ Rory gestured between us. ‘And if that wasn’t clear, then we’ve strayed far away from who we were when we started this project.’
We were now inches apart, every statement loaded.
‘I’m not happy with the app how it is.’ I didn’t break eye contact, willing him to understand. ‘I’m not happy.’ My voice broke.
‘I can see that.’ His thumb brushed my chin and I fought the urge to trap his hand there. ‘And I just wish I’d been the person you turned to when you realised that.’
How could he not see that I’d been trying to protect him? I was nearly crying now, but tried to steady myself by focusing back on Level and not on the man in front of me. ‘So where do we go from here?’ I placed my hands on the counter.
Rory finally broke his gaze, my change in topic clearly throwing him. He took a small step back. ‘If the merger is what you want, then I want you to do it.’
All I wanted was to close the gap between our bodies, but it felt like he was trying to maintain as much distance as possible.
‘What do you mean? I thought you would rather die than merge with Link.’
He nodded. ‘I would. But I also want you to be happy. So, I want you to take the merger and buy me out.’
I didn’t think I’d heard him right, but he ploughed on.
‘I’ve been speaking to Dexter, and I think I want to go back to programming. I want to start something new. Take my share of Level and work on something else. I have a few ideas.’
‘But –’
Rory smiled at me sadly. ‘At one point, Pen, our visions were completely aligned. But they’re different now.’
I felt slightly betrayed that he’d already discussed this with Dexter, who hadn’t said a word to me about it, but I guessed that was his point. We weren’t each other’s soundboard any more. I’d gone behind his back to speak to Ella, who had sent full conditions of Level’s offer this morning. It was an excellent offer, if you were willing to fade into the background of your own company.
‘I don’t want to do it without you.’
He nodded, but didn’t say anything.
‘Why don’t you buy me out instead? It’s me who’s lost faith in the app, not you.’
Rory looked like he’d anticipated that question. ‘Oh, I thought about it, but no. The app is struggling for money. I couldn’t afford to buy you out without taking the merger, and obviously I’m not going to do that. You can do what you want with it. Sell it to them completely, if that’s what you want.’
I thought about our little team that we’d built from the ground up. I’d never experienced a breakup, but I could imagine that this was what it felt like. My chest ached.
‘I’m going to go.’ Rory stood. ‘Let me know what you want to do.’
I watched him grab his jacket from where he’d discarded it over the chair. I knew where he stood on Level now, but that wasn’t the only thing at stake here.
‘Are we okay? You and me?’ My voice was so quiet I wasn’t sure that he’d actually heard it, but he turned slightly, sighing. I placed a hand on his arm, unwilling to let go.
‘I’m not sure, Pen.’ He looked down at the floor, swallowing. ‘I’m not sure.’
My heart broke and I released my grip on him. This is what I was so afraid of. What I’d always been afraid of. How someone could just decide to walk away, especially when you needed them most.
He took a step, as if to come and hug me, but changed his mind at the last second. ‘I’ll see you at the wedding.’
He left without saying anything else, closing the door lightly on the way out. And, in true new-Penny style, I didn’t last ten seconds without bursting into tears.
39
‘Be honest, have I developed frown lines in the last forty-five minutes?’ Isla hissed, pulling me towards her so that I was two inches from her face. She’d just had her bridal make-up done, and she was literally glowing.
‘Not a frown line in sight.’
She gritted her teeth. ‘Is she genuinely pulling down my bunting? Tell me I’m not seeing things?’
I followed her gaze, to where her mother – straight off the plane and wearing a ridiculously big fascinator – was yanking at Isla’s carefully handmade pastel bunting. We’d had some leftover after decorating the venue, so Maeve had strung some up in the bridal suite.
‘Are you sure about this colour scheme, Isla?’ Her nose was wrinkled. ‘It’s a little bit, well …’
