***
I left the office early, suddenly desperate to see one person in particular. He loped up the hill, two takeaway cups in his hands. Cookie was plodding alongside him, matching his pace instead of racing ahead.
‘I’m not getting any younger, and this hill is not getting any easier.’ Dad perched on the bench next to me. ‘I sensed this was a hot chocolate moment.’
I took the cup gratefully – I’d been sharing hot chocolates with my dad since the divorce, a new tradition found amidst the chaos. We had a regular bench at the top of the hill in Greenwich Park, with a beautiful view of dog walkers and turning leaves and quiet moments in between the hustle.
‘Tell me what’s going on, kiddo.’ Dad put his arm around me and squeezed tight, and I swallowed the lump in my throat that hadn’t left since Saturday night when the text had come through.
‘Hey …’ He tilted my chin up. ‘Whatever it is, we can sort it.’
This new dynamic was strange, but welcome. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d leaned on my dad, instead of the other way around.
He squeezed again, tucking me in like he had when I was little. ‘Come on. Tell me.’
For what felt like the hundredth time after so much bottling up, I let it all out. Every gritty detail, from the ghosting, to Daniel’s betrayal, to my argument with Rory about work. He didn’t interrupt me, knowing that I needed to get to the end in order to take a breath. And when I did, he didn’t immediately jump in, instead really thinking about what I’d said.
‘It sounds like you’ve been putting a lot of effort into keeping your partnership with Rory separate from your friendship with Rory.’ He finally spoke. ‘Have you ever considered that having that bond is what makes your partnership great?’
I hadn’t, not for a long time. I’d seen my affection for Rory as something that blinded me from making the right decisions.
‘For a long time, Penny, I kept work and home too separate.’ Dad cleared his throat. ‘Staying out too late because I couldn’t bear to bring paperwork home, leaving early in the morning to try and get it all done. And I never talked to your mum about it, or explained why I was behaving the way I was. Keeping them separate was my downfall, in the end.’
Hearing him say it out loud stirred memories of staying up until way past my bedtime in order to get a hug goodnight. It had been tough on Mum, and over time their bond had weakened to the point of collapse. I didn’t want that for Rory and me.
‘Don’t hold back from confiding in him.’ Dad smiled. ‘He’s one of the best people you’ve got.’
I sighed, sipping my hot chocolate slowly to avoid burning my tongue. ‘My good decisions with men started and ended with Rory.’
Dad approached with caution. ‘Do you think you might have been choosing entirely the wrong people? Perhaps on purpose?’
We watched Cookie investigate a new scent, her beagle nose working overtime to get to the bottom of it. I thought back to Isaac, who I had genuinely liked, but maybe not as much as I could like someone. And Daniel, who had been a fling from the word go.
‘Maybe.’ I chewed on my lip. Was I purposely avoiding anyone who might actually have a chance at breaking my heart?
Dad read my mind. ‘And maybe you’ve been doing that because you’re scared of ending up like me?’
‘Dad, that’s not –’
He patted my hand. ‘I was careless after the divorce. I should have been teaching you that it’s okay for things to change. Instead, I came to a standstill.’
I took another gulp of hot chocolate. ‘You weren’t in a position to think like that, Dad, and it’s okay. We didn’t mind.’
‘I could have dealt with it a little bit better.’ He called Cookie back to us, her nose leading her to wander just a little bit too far. ‘My divorce was one of the most painful experiences of my life.’ He paused, and I hoped that there was a point to this. ‘But only because I hadn’t given my relationship my all. You never have to worry about that.’
‘I don’t?’
He smiled. ‘No. You struggle to open up, but once you do, you’re the most attentive person I know. You’ve never let me down, not once.’
I was touched, but he was also wrong. ‘I’ve let Maeve down a lot these past few weeks. And now Rory too.’
Dad sighed. ‘A few weeks? That’s just a mistake. A few years is a choice. And I had to deal with that the hard way. The risk isn’t falling in love, Penny. It’s taking what’s right in front of you for granted.’
Cookie rested her head on his legs, sensing his discomfort. ‘I really appreciate you telling me this.’
He tickled her chin. ‘About time I did something useful. Between that and the Hello Fresh meals I’ve been making, I’m a new man.’
I’d been dying to ask about the dating, and he read it all over my face.
‘A new man with a’ – he hesitated – ‘new girlfriend. Partner? I have no idea what you’re meant to call it when you’re on the road to 60.’
My heart squeezed. ‘So it’s official then? That was quick.’
Dad laughed. ‘You don’t mess around when you get a second chance. I feel happier than I have in years.’
And you could really tell. He’d been making progress anyway, but his skin was brighter, and he’d put on a few pounds.
‘I’m thinking I might ask Isla if I can invite Linda as a plus-one to the wedding. I mean, if that’s okay with you and Joe?’ The suggestion floored me, but only momentarily.
‘I think that’s a good idea.’ And I did. This would throw Mum even more than the dating app, but maybe it was what we all needed. Maybe we’d been stuck in limbo for way too long. I’d been terrified of being vulnerable and really letting someone in, but if Dad could do it all over again, maybe there was hope for me yet. I thought of bushy eyebrows and late-night dinners in the office.
Dad clocked the look on my face. ‘I wasn’t kidding when I said that sometimes it’s right in front of you Penny.’ When I didn’t say anything, he pressed on. ‘Talk to Rory. Figure it out.’
***
‘Figuring it out’ was one thing in theory, and entirely another in practice. Particularly when the person you were trying to reconcile with had fallen off the face of the bloody earth.
‘Pen?’ The front door squeaked open, and I heard Maeve drop her keys on the table.
