37
I held my breath as the lift reached our floor.
‘You can do this, you can do this.’
I’d officially reached the point of my breakdown where I was talking to myself in the mirror. Next, I’d be having my tarot cards read and only conversing with people whose horoscopes harmonised with my own, condemning the fire signs in case they clashed with my Virgo personality. It had been a sleepless night last night, and I’d been horrified to find that Rory’s Aries and my Virgo were not signs that aligned.
I brushed an imaginary piece of lint from my blazer and tried to smooth down my baby hairs, walking into the office with purpose.
‘Hey boss.’ Dexter didn’t look up from his computer. ‘Feeling rough from the weekend?’
‘Something like that.’ I looked over his shoulder. ‘What are you working on?’
His screen was full to the brim with complex coding.
‘Tightening the security. I think it’s hacker-proof, but we’ll have to test it out.’
I knew Harriet was pushing Ella for rigorous testing of the new security system, well aware that you could avoid a scandal once, but twice was pushing it.
‘This looks really good. Thanks, Dexter.’ I walked past my own office without daring to look in, dropping in to Ella’s instead.
‘Morning.’ She was spooning a yoghurt pot from Pret into her mouth, an iced matcha ready and waiting on the desk beside her. Prior to the weekend, she’d become an expert in avoiding eye contact with me, mortified about the Daniel incident. I felt the urge to reassure her now.
‘You know, last week was absolutely not your fault.’
Ella put down her yoghurt, clasping a hand to her chest. ‘I’m really glad you said that. I couldn’t sleep last night.’
You and me both.
‘How did the sten go?’
Clearly, she hadn’t yet spoken to Rory.
‘Oh, you know. The usual. Plenty of wine, plenty of food.’
‘And the hot tub?’
I groaned. ‘I think we should get one for the office.’ I peeked at some of the paperwork she was going through. Mentally put my big-girl pants on. ‘Any word from Link?’
Ella did a double take. ‘I thought we never wanted to hear a peep from them again.’
I took a breath before committing to what I was about to say. ‘I’d like to see on paper what their terms are. Just to check whether, in theory, it might be worthwhile for us.’
I’d stayed up most of last night after I’d got home from Mum’s, unable to switch my mind off. In order to properly discuss everything with Rory, I had to know what we were dealing with. I had to know what my actual opinion was.
Ella had abandoned the yoghurt pot now completely, and her expression was kind of gormless. It wasn’t a good look for her. ‘So we’re genuinely considering the merger?’
I played it safe, not speaking for both of us. ‘I wouldn’t say that. But I’d like to know more, without having to contact Daniel myself. If that’s okay.’
His messages still sat unopened on my phone. There was no way I was giving that man the satisfaction of direct contact.
‘Of course.’ She jotted something down.
‘Can you do me a favour and not tell Rory that I asked you to do that? At least until we have the terms of the offer back?’
For the first time, Ella sensed the tension. ‘Oh. Yes, no problem. If he asks, though …’
‘Yeah of course. Tell him if he asks.’
I was really hoping he didn’t ask. I stood up, finally feeling steady enough to face the music.
Whatever decision we came to, I needed to work things out with Rory. Who was going to DM me stupid tweets, or send me sudokus that he couldn’t finish? We’d been working together professionally for long enough now that, as grown adults, we could surely find a way to figure this out together. I pushed on the glass door to our office, sensing his lack of presence without needing to check. No jacket on the back of his chair, or half-finished cup of coffee on his desk.
I went back into Ella’s office, where she’d gone back to her yoghurt.
‘Sorry to interrupt again.’
She put it back down, barely concealing a small sigh.
‘Where is Rory?’
Ella did her second double take of the day. ‘Did he not tell you? He called in sick today. I kind of assumed you’d both just had a heavy weekend.’
I felt a rush of cold sweep through my body. It had definitely been heavy, just not in the way she was guessing. ‘Did he say anything else?’
‘Nope. Just that he would let me know about tomorrow.’
Fuck. He was avoiding me. Any hope of reconciliation drained from our short-term future, and I felt the warning signs of tears about to flow. I pushed them down, sitting at my desk and getting to work.
