“Borrowed.” I shrugged with all the nonchalance I could muster. Saeth himself stood near the back of the cave, watching the exchange with doleful blue eyes. “How did you find me?”
Ignoring my question entirely, Idris said, “You’re lucky you didn’t fall to your death. Tell me” --he shifted, uncrossing his ankles and leaning forward, the better to glare at me-- “was it desperation or stupidity?”
Why should I answer his questions when he hadn’t bothered to tell me the truth? I folded my arms. “It was none of your business, Your Royal Highness.”
“I found you because I know you. Your room was empty. My horse was gone. There was only one place you could have gone. Home.”
I rolled my eyes at his assumption. He didn’t know me at all. “Well, obviously, but how did you find this cave?”
Idris’ smile was almost sympathetic. “It’s mine. Saeth knows all my favourite camps, and as this one lies near your route to the Blood Gate, it seemed the obvious place.”
He even knew which rift I’d used? “What are you? Some sort of mind reader?”
He huffed in amusement. “Just observant. You told me your arrival involved a lot of water, and I knew Sage had been the one to find you.” He shrugged. “It was obviously the Blood Gate.”
Arrogant bastard. I wished I’d never spoken a word to him if he was going to use them as ammunition.
“This is your cave then? You’ve camped here?” I couldn’t picture it. This fancy, polished prince, roughing it in a hole in the mountainside when he had palaces and castles at his disposal. Though, admittedly, he looked considerably less fancy in his travelling gear, but it only enhanced his unearthly good looks. How was it fair that he looked like that, and I probably looked exactly like I’d flown through the night and slept in a cave after having most of my blood drained by a vampire? I felt terrible and probably looked infinitely worse. Fleeing Tir o Haf had been one thing, but I couldn’t understand why anyone with a choice would want to sleep out in the wild. “Why?”
“It’s your turn to answer my question.”
I scowled, trying to summon some of my earlier anger, but whether it was exhaustion or my inexplicable relief at his presence, I failed. My shoulders sagged. “I overheard you talking to Anwir yesterday. I know everything. That’s why I left.”
Idris’s already fair face paled. “I didn’t want you to find out like that.”
“You didn’t want me to find out at all,” I snapped, but even as the words left my mouth, I knew they were false. Idris had told Anwir to tell me. Maybe not with any real conviction, but he’d advocated for me. It was more than anyone else would have done. “How long have you known he was lying to me?”
“Since you told me what he’d said about immortality. And, Aliza? I wanted you to know the truth. I wanted Anwir to be the one to tell you, but he refused, so I took matters into my own hands. That’s why I came by your room yesterday evening. I was planning to tell you myself.”
Instead, he’d found me half naked and half dead, with a vampire at my throat. My ears began to burn, but I wasn’t about to let my shame get the better of me. “What, exactly, did you plan on telling me?”
That I’d been wasting my time these past weeks? That the whole marriage fiasco didn’t matter because Anwir, pathetic liar that he was, was too cowardly to save the world? He’d bailed at every whisper of danger; how did anyone expect him to defeat Maelgwyn, even with me as a mascot? He was too afraid to use his lightning, even against the shades. Any children he’d tricked me into birthing would have no throne to inherit.
None of it mattered, and nothing would change. I’d risked my life for nothing. Hyacinth and Meadow had died for nothing.
Idris dropped my gaze, suddenly intensely interested in his hands. He flexed his fingers, stretching out the shiny red marks. “Anwir could give you immortality if he chose to. I could. Any fae. We all have the ability to do so, it’s an inherent magic, but it has its limitations. It can only be used once. In our long lives, we can only choose one person to bestow it on.”
Anwir’s words rang in my ears. “He didn’t want to waste it on me.” The human peasant. There was a witch he intended to immortalise, as though they didn’t live long enough already. Either that or the heir who had no hope of ever being conceived but who was already more valuable than me.
Idris grimaced and looked up. “When a mortal is changed, it creates an unbreakable bond between themselves and their fae. Many believe it to be a boon from our first queen, a chance to share our entire lives with anyone we choose. Historically, it has been used when a fae fell in love with a mortal, which was common enough before the curse. Not only would Anwir have, as you put it, wasted his gift, but he would have bound himself to you forever, and as you heard, he doesn’t want that. He loves another, and intends to use it on her. I’m sorry, Aliza.”
Well, that explained everything, except who this witch was. I opened my mouth to ask who, exactly, had stolen my promised reward, but before the words left my mouth, I decided I didn’t want to know. What difference did it make? “It’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I’m going home to live my mortal life with my mortal family and friends. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I never wanted to marry him. I don’t even like him as a person. There was no chance I was going to go along with his plan to breed me. I don’t want kids with anyone, let alone him.” I gave a thin-lipped smile. “Even a crown and immortality couldn’t sway me on that.”
“I would have done it,” Idris said softly. “I would have made you immortal, but I knew you wanted to leave eventually. I knew you wouldn’t want to be tied to somebody like me.”
I blinked. “You would have used your gift on me?”
That couldn’t be right. Anwir had said Idris would never use it on me, not after he’d missed the chance to save his human wife. Then again, Anwir had said a lot of things that turned out to be stinking, great lies.
Idris nodded, once, his expression heartbreakingly tragic. “If you wanted it.”
My heart thudded against my ribs. My brain stalled. Idris, who wanted to hate me. Idris, who was mean and rude and wanted to throw himself out of the sky, would have given his one gift to me.
“But…” I gulped, reining in my rush of tangled emotions. “What about you? Why would you waste it?”
“You have a good heart. Do you forget that I knelt beside you while you battled to save the witch? And you were a friend to me when I had all but given up. You offered to stay, to free my people. You broke the curse, and immortality was to be your reward. My brother refused, but I would not consider it a waste.”
“Idris,” I breathed. I didn’t know what to say, how to respond. He was all but offering me eternal life. The gift that was meant for the woman he loved.
Who didn’t dream of living forever? My mind raced with all the things I could do with all that time. I would never get wrinkles. My hair would never turn white. My body would never sag and grow brittle and painful. But… Mum and Dad would die. My friends would grow old. Everyone I ever loved would eventually leave me to face the world alone, just like my vision in the tower had warned me. It was a bleak prospect. Lonely. A curse, not a gift.
“I wouldn’t want that,” I managed at last. “I mean, it’s an incredible offer, and so kind, don’t get me wrong, but I was never in this for the prizes. I only ever wanted to get back to my old life. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to be tied to you, I don’t want to be tied to anyone. I want to be free. I want to live my own life, even if it’s a lot shorter than yours. I don’t want to be left alone when everyone I love has gone.”
“I know.” Idris gave me a rare, if sad, smile. Who could understand the pain of loneliness better? “That’s why I’m going to help you leave instead. I’m going to make sure you get home. Let that be my gift to you.”
What remained of my defences crumbled, and tears filled my eyes. “You’re not here to take me back to Nairsgarth?”
The prince rose to his feet, unbuckling his cloak as he moved. He crossed to me, holding his head low to avoid grazing it on the cave roof, and sank down at my side. With a flourish, he draped the cloak around my shoulders, tucking it under my chin.
With his face only inches from mine, Idris met my gaze. He touched a finger to the point of my chin, his lips curving into a small smile. “Anything to piss off Anwir.”
I grinned, basking in the heat of his cloak sinking into my skin as giddiness bubbled inside me. I was going home. I was really, finally going home. Before I knew it, I’d be in my own bed, in my own room, and everything would be back to normal. Except… I’d be different. However unexpected and unwanted this adventure had been, it had changed me. I would carry the scars and memories with me for the rest of my life, never able to breathe a word of them to anyone, unless I fancied a stay in a psychiatric ward.
Maybe the thrill of my excitement was infectious, because Idris’ smile grew until I glimpsed his fangs. It lingered for a moment before fading into solemnity at the same time mine did, at the moment I considered the reality of leaving all of this behind.
“Would you like to teleport to the rift?” He peered into my eyes from beneath his errant lock of hair.
Would I? It would be quicker, but I was in no particular hurry to experience the crushing pressure and all-consuming nausea that came with teleportation. “How far away are we?”
