“Actually, there is. I was stupid. I put everyone in danger. Besides, this is the last chance I’ll get. If I don’t say sorry now, I’ll spend the rest of my life plagued with guilt every time I think of your scars.”
“Grief makes us reckless.”
Grief. It was almost laughable. Anwir’s betrayal barely registered, a blip on the radar compared to whatever unfathomable sorrow Idris suffered. The prince held my gaze as my lungs filled and deflated.
“I take it this is a no, then?”
I frowned. “No to what?”
“You refuse my generous offer to keep you alive for another day? One more flight?”
“Oh.” The word turned into a smile as I allowed myself a brief fantasy about taking to the skies once more, with Idris’ arms around me. As tempting as the offer was, I had a home to get back to. I conjured the image of Mum and Dad’s faces when I walked through the door, alive and whole. Shock, disbelief… joy. I toyed with the golden letter A strung around my neck. I had a name to live up to. “No, thank you. I should go.”
He gave a curt nod and turned to Saeth. “Stay here,” Idris said with one final pat. “I’ll be back soon.”
Soon. I’d be home soon, and he’d be here. In different worlds.
Something swelled inside me, an emotion I couldn’t quite place. All I knew was that it wasn’t the excitement I’d anticipated. It was something… unpleasant. I kept it from my face, fighting it down inside as Idris and I set off, picking our way over the rock.
With every step I took along the slippery bank, war raged within me. A tornado of conflicting emotions, each fighting to be felt, to overwhelm me, but none succeeding. The effect left me half numb, half nauseous. I tried to remind myself why I was here, why I was leaving. I tried to imagine my return to Mum and Dad, how even Abby might cry when she heard I’d come home safe, but it evaded me. All I knew was that every step felt wrong.
But I didn’t belong here. I had no home on this side of the rift, and only three true friends to my name. One of whom walked silently at my side, his eyes fixed firmly ahead. On the warren of caves leading to the rift, and then the human world. The place I’d always called home.
That all-engulfing sense of wrongness gripped me again. I lowered my eyes to the precarious path laid out before me and tried to remember why I’d worked myself half to death for a degree, and why I wanted to go back to that. I did want to go back. I did.
I heaved a sigh. I was going to miss this magical world. Or some of it, anyway. Maybe not the terrifying monsters, but I’d never go another Christmas without thinking of tiny little fairies humming over the flowers of Neath. Maybe when I was old and senile I’d tell my nurses about them, and they’d snigger and up my meds. The idea of carrying my adventure to the grave, of never sharing it, was like a vice around my ribs. I glanced at the prince from the corner of my eye. Nobody would ever know that he existed, that he’d become my friend. That he’d gifted me the sky, even if only for a moment. I could never tell a soul.
I’d never see him again.
Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I lowered my eyes.
There was no use dwelling on such things. By the time the sun rose, I’d be back in my own life, and it would be so full that I’d barely have a thought to spare for Idris and his weird but wonderful world.
Wrong. It was all wrong.
No, it wasn’t. Coming here in the first place had been wrong. I was human. Mortal. I wasn’t meant for this world, and everyone I loved was on the far side of the rift.
Everyone.
Idris paused at the entrance to the caves, looking down at me with eyes painted silver by the moon. As he had done the day we’d first flown, he held out his hand, palm up, waiting.
“It’s dark in there,” he said, his voice as soft as velvet. “I’ll guide you.”
Because who knew the darkness better than Idris?
Gulping, I nodded and placed my hand in his. My breath caught as his fingers closed, his cool skin engulfing mine. He dwarfed me in a way no human man ever had. Was this what it was like for short girls, to be surrounded by towering, powerful creatures, capable of breaking them? I could see how it could be frightening, but with Idris, I had nothing to fear. He’d kept me safe from the beginning, when we’d been lost in those pitch-dark tunnels. How fitting that we would end in much the same way.
I stepped close, pressing my shoulder to his arm, and looped my free hand around the crook of his elbow. Safe or not, I had no intention of being separated from him. Not yet, anyway.
“Ready?” Idris asked.
I spared one last lingering look at Neath. At the magnificent, starry sky. At the silver ribbon of the river, winding through the dark woods and the imposing mountains. Here and there, I spied tiny flecks of fairy light, vivid in a world of black and silver.
The prince squeezed my hand.
I would remember this moment forever, I decided. I wouldn’t rely on photographs, which could never do it justice. I painted it into my memory, my last glimpse of Neath, and the feel of Idris’ hand in mine.
“Ready,” I rasped, and turned to face the gaping, impenetrable darkness of the Blood Gate.
37What Can I Say? Emotions Ran High
Icouldn’t see a thing inside the cave. Darkness pressed against my straining eyeballs with a weight that made them ache. Blind as I was, my other senses sharpened. Every padding footstep was like a drum beat, marching us onward. Unyielding ridges of stone pressed through the soles of my boot. The damp mist of the rushing river, cool against my skin. Idris, warm and solid at my side. He smelt like the sky, cold and bright and fresh. I knew he could see, knew he wouldn’t lead us straight over the edge of a gaping chasm, or into the river, but I couldn’t help but imagine it. If the river claimed us, if we washed up in that shallow pool, maybe I’d just give up. I’d accept that Neath owned me now, and I’d stop trying to get away.
But, of course, Idris made no such error. Sure footed and steady, he led me toward my home. It was a good thing he’d found me. I would never have found my way without his sharp fae eyes.
Idris stopped dead, tugging me tighter to his side. The air came alive, like thousands of tiny ants were marching over every inch of my skin, making every hair stand on end. I recognised the charge a moment before a flicker of blue-white light blazed against my retinas. Squinting, I hissed in displeasure, but my eyes adjusted. Idris’ spare hand was once more wreathed in threads of electric light, only glaring because of the sheer density of the darkness.
To my immense horror, his bright hand rose up and over his shoulder, casting a glow over his hair, and closed around the hilt of one sword. Only one, because his other hand had tightened around mine. I couldn’t have let go even if I’d wanted to. The blade rang faintly as he drew it, and by the time he’d brought it out in front of him, the metal was alive with electricity.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded in a whisper.
His eyes gleamed like ghosts as they darted over the now faintly illuminated cave walls and ceilings, high above. Here and there, brighter spots and darker shadows stood out against the flickering light.
“Nothing. Just vampires.”
“Vampires?” Fuck me, were those eyes glowing down on us? Were the creeps clinging to the ceiling like bats? I shuddered at the thought of them scurrying overhead.
“It’s called the Blood Gate for a reason. There’s a coven down here.”
