“It better, for five Gs!” He laughed. “I’ll get it wit’ the stack I got out of Shy’s pocket. He ain’t gonna need it!” He began to chuckle. “Okay, bad joke.” He continued to laugh. “But fo’ real, it’a be a miracle if somebody find him,” he whispered.
I shook my head. Jesus, please get me out of this! I screamed within. Please!
We pulled up to the house and went inside.
“Go ta sleep, babe, you’ll feel better in the morning,” Jason said while grabbing a soda out the fridge and turning on the game. He was acting as if nothing had happened.
What a cold-blooded murderer, I thought.
I acted like I didn’t hear him and went straight in the bathroom and locked the door. I ran some bath water and noticed that my hands were still trembling. I couldn’t stop thinking about Shy. I had to do something. I grabbed my cell out of my purse and dialed 911, then hung up.
I sat on the toilet with the same familiar tears that constantly fell, and covered my mouth with my hands. I hurried and put the toilet lid up and started vomiting. I was so scared that I couldn’t stop shaking and trembling and crying. I knew I had to do something about this, so I got on my knees and continued to cry and try to figure out a way to go back and rescue Shy.
“Jesus, I know I was wrong by walking away—both from you and Shy—but this is important. So please listen to me. Help Shy, God. He is in trouble, God.” I looked up and continued talking. “I didn’t even have a chance to see if he even knew You before I left that warehouse.” I grabbed my hair, then fell out on the floor. “I’m sorry for that God, I am.”
After a few moments of praying, I got a clean washrag out the cabinet and wet it to wash my face. I looked in the mirror at myself and I saw my swollen eye from Jason hitting me. I don’t recognize myself any longer. Who am I?
Not just the black eye, swollen lip, and bruises changed my appearance, but I was speaking about the inside of me, too. How damaged I was, how abused I was, how lonely I was. It wasn’t just seeing myself in the mirror, but also how scandalous I had become, how deceitful I had become, but most of all, how I looked at myself and couldn’t see God, the Father, anymore. That worried me the most.
I let a loud, screeching cry out. It had escaped from out of nowhere. I hurried and covered my mouth from fear of Jason hearing, but reality had smacked me in the face; someone was dying! I went back to the mirror and stared until I felt the water from my bath touching my toes. I hurried and turned the water off, put the cold rag on my eye, and I watched my lip quiver from fear.
I soaked in the tub for about forty-five minutes and was interrupted by Jason banging on the door. “What you doin’ in there? You all right?”
I closed my eyes then yelled, “Yes, I’m okay.”
“I’m goin’ to bed. The game is over,” he said.
I could hear him walking to the bedroom. I got out the tub twenty minutes later, put on my nightclothes, and got in the bed with my back turned to Jason and his snoring.
I drifted in and out for a while, then finally fell asleep. I woke up in a cold sweat with visions of Shy lying there in the warehouse alone.
I rose right out of my sleep. I decided right then and there it was a perfect time to go get Shy and take him to the hospital. This life was over for the both of us! I watched Jason while he slept peacefully facing toward the wall. I thought how Shy could go to school and live a successful life if I could just get to him and save him. If I had to, I was willing to testify against Jason, anything to get away from Jason at this point.
I got out the bed quietly and put on my shoes, grabbed my keys, went down the stairs, and shut the door behind me. It was time to rescue Shy. I never even changed my clothes or cared that I had on pajamas.
I prayed as I drove toward the warehouse in downtown Columbus. “Lord, please, let him be okay.”
I raced down the freeway doing eighty-five until I came to the exit. I turned left on to Front Street and noticed lots and lots of police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks in front of the warehouse. The media was also there with their cameras.
I jumped out the car and walked up to the warehouse where the other bystanders were; then I noticed the yellow caution tape. “Oh no,” I whispered to myself. I knew what yellow tape meant. It meant someone was murdered.
My eyes got big as I watched them carry out Shy in a black body bag. I was too late. I wondered who had found him. My emotions were starting to pour out of me and people were noticing something was wrong. They began asking me if I knew the boy.
I didn’t reply. I just hurried and walked back toward the car. I thought about telling the police everything, but the realness of what Jason was capable of doing just hit me in the face. I was too scared Jason was going to get me, maybe even my boys, so I unlocked the vehicle fast and slid in.
My heart was racing and my mind was running wild with thoughts of killing Jason in his sleep. That was the only way I could think to escape him. I was crying hysterically and screaming out, “What do I have to lose? He’s a murderer!” I hit the steering wheel with my fist. I looked around at the crime scene one more time, then started my car.
I wasn’t a fool. I understood if I opened my mouth it would be the last time I ever said a word. So I kept it all inside.
Chapter 13
Stabbed in the Back
I really wanted to go to the police after Shy was murdered. Go in, run to the front desk where the receptionist sits, and scream at the top of my lungs, “He’s a killer! Jason Kinney is a murderer!”
But, I didn’t. I thought about it; however, it wasn’t the reality I lived in.
I had to handle this situation, this craziness, madness, evil, a whole other way. I had to be smarter than what terrified me, what slept with his arms around my waist at times and around my neck other times; I had to be smarter than Jason.
Looking back at things, when I got with Jason, I thought I just wanted to escape the pain of a bad divorce and have a little fun. I had to admit it to myself at least that getting with Jason was exciting and new. He was romantic and swept me off my feet when we first met. I was attracted to the chase to get Jason to myself, but unfortunately it never worked. He ended up having me, which included my mind. I couldn’t live this way much longer. But what other choice did I have?
I was trying to get back to a normal in my life; unfortunately for me, I never knew what that was, seeing I never had it before. I had learned that things could change in your life in a blink of an eye and that sometimes, almost every time, how that change affects a person is all up to them.
After Shy’s death my life had come to such a reality that the man who swept me off my feet was a murderer. He let it be known he had no problem killing again if he needed to. Jason wasn’t different, he was the same ol’ monster as before. He continued with the drugs and the women and it seemed like after he killed Shy, his money was even longer than before. The whole thing made Jason even more arrogant, if that was possible. He was buying up property, jewelry, and cars. And he made sure I didn’t have an inch to breathe a breath if he didn’t say so, it seemed. I thought part of him suspected I was gonna get him. He just didn’t know when and neither did I until the day came when he gave me some air to breathe on my own.
I decided that life was short and I needed to work on getting myself together, so I quit smoking weed and going to the clubs. I spent as much time with my boys as I possibly could. I also started looking for another job in my field as an electrical engineer. I didn’t know what I was getting myself and my boys prepared for, but I knew I was making some moves for our future.
Jason had to suddenly go out of town, he said, to make sure things were set up in Detroit. He had been gone for three days, and while he was gone I spent every day and hour with my boys. I took them to the movies, read to them, took them to the park to play, and prayed with them.
I had one more day left before Jason was to return and decided to get me some me time. I took the boys to Cleveland to spend a few days with their father and when I came back I called Eva to see if she wanted to go hang out, but she never answered her cell. So I got myself dolled all up to go to dinner and a movie alone. I had to admit it felt good to get out of the house and off Jason’s chain for a while.
Once inside the theatre I went straight to the concession stand for some popcorn and a large soda. I paid for my stuff and entered the movie. I went to my favorite seat, so I could put my feet up. I snuggled into the large oversized seat, and put the soda in the cup holder, but I held on to that good-smellin’ buttery popcorn I was about to demolish. I leaned back, put my feet across the rail, and took a handful of popcorn to my mouth.
I glanced over at the entrance and watched a few people walk into the dark place, when I had to do a double take. I thought I saw Jason walking in with some chick. But, in his defense, he was out of town. I must be trippin’, I thought. But he did walk like Jason and he did have the same swag just like him. But Jason is in Detroit, isn’t he?
They went to the front of the theatre and sat down. I turned my attention back to the screen to watch the previews, but this lookalike got up, I’m assuming to go to the concession stand or bathroom. When he turned around toward my seat, it was Jason. He was in the same theatre I was in, with another woman!
