“All I said was he was wrong for leaving Kev here all the time to take care of the business while he was always out of town kickin’ it. Then he changes the subject and says last night he counted his money after he picked it up and it was short; it had to be me that took it!” I smirked. “He gonna spit on me!”
I was hype; my arms were moving up and down and I was pacing the floor back and forth as I recalled all his abuse. “He reached over and smacked me, saying I talk too much. My mouth too slick and gets me in trouble,” I hollered. “He pulled that gun on me because I fought back this time. Well I’m tired of him hitting on me!” I screamed.
I stared out the patio doors with my leg crossed over the other one, shaking my leg in anger. “I hate Jason. I took him in and let him stay with me and my sons and this is what I get. He cheats on me with my friend, he beats on me, and I hate him! Who does he think he playing with?”
Deep down I wanted to be loved right, loved the way my grandpa loved Grandma. I wanted to be loved unconditionally, without any boundaries or betrayal. However, I knew I wasn’t doing what it took to find that kind of love. I knew I was outside the will of God for my life and I knew that in the will of God was where I would find true love.
“I’ll get it right, Jesus, just give me some time to get all of my struggles out the way, and then I’ll do your will. Please, Jesus, give me some more time to get it right.”
I knew the love I was looking for and searched for only came from Jesus Christ. I sat there and thought, what more could a man want? But I knew in my heart it wasn’t about the love of a man. I was being stubborn and fighting against the will of God for my life. I walked away from the patio door and went back upstairs.
As I headed up the steps I thought about how Jason had killed Shy and how earlier he could have very well pulled the trigger and killed me too. I screamed out, “You saved my life, Jesus. You did. Why, Jesus?” All of a sudden I just dropped to my knees. “All the hell I have caused You over and over again and you are always here. I gotta get it together, Jesus,” I whispered.
I looked up at the ceiling as if I were looking at heaven, knowing I wasn’t pleasing God. “I’ve done so much and seen so much. I know people say ‘fake it until you make it,’ but that ain’t me, Jesus. I gotta keep it one hundred with You. I’m all messed up. I need to give it to You. Everything? This stuff is too much . . . It’s so hard.”
I looked to the ground, then back toward the ceiling after a moment’s thought. “You have my heart no matter what I go through. I will always know that, Jesus. I’ma get it together.”
In the midst of my heart-to-heart with Jesus, I heard a knock at the door. My first thought was that Jason had come back. But then I realized Jason would not have knocked. I quietly went and looked out the peephole. It was Kev. I exhaled. I debated within if I should answer but decided to open the door.
“Hold on a second,” I hollered. I grabbed my luggage and hid it in the closet from Kev. I didn’t want him to see what I was really up to.
I opened the door. “Hey, what you doin’ here?” I questioned him.
Kev was standing there, grinning from ear to ear. “Reese, I got a solution to yo’ problem!” He held up two airplane tickets and smiled. “Come go to Vegas wit’ me for a few days. I gotta go handle some business.” Before I could answer he continued, “I just thought you could use the trip after everything that happened earlier. You wanna go?”
I didn’t know what to think. Where is this coming from? I walked from the door to the couch and sat down, pondering his offer.
“I mean you will have your own room. I was just thinking it would be a good break for you; some time for you to think.”
What is Kev up to? Does Jay have anything to do with this? Maybe they are setting me up. Maybe they know I’m leaving. I gotta think. What should I do? I better go; at least Toya can get my boys out the city.
Kev was waiting for me to make a decision. He had been talking the whole time about the trip but I couldn’t hear him.
“Okay. I will.” Then I remembered and touched my lip. “When?” I asked.
“That’s the thing, we leaving in a few hours. It’s one of those last minute things that has to be taken care of now.” He sat down beside me on the couch. He rubbed his head and tried to explain, “Jay was supposed to do this but he up and left, leaving me to do it.”
He was upset; his nose was flaring out and his face was turning red.
“My face is swollen.” I held my head down.
He lifted my head up. “You’re still gorgeous.” He grinned, trying to make me feel better.
“I don’t know, Kev; what about Jay? He will—”
Kev interrupted me. “Trust me, I won’t tell Jay nothin’. He don’t have to know you comin’. After today I figured you could use it.”
“Well, let me call Toya and let her know. How long we gonna be there?”
“Just a few days, that’s it.”
I daydreamed for a second and saw myself in the warm Vegas weather, and at the point it didn’t matter to me if I was in Atlanta or Alaska; I just didn’t wanna be in Columbus, Ohio! And since I was already packed, I figured I would go. I told myself it would be the last time I could spend with Kev before I disappeared.
After we landed in Vegas, I rode with Kev while he went to meet some men. He wanted to grab a bite to eat and get me to relax a bit from all the drama.
I was waiting while Kev was taking care of the business they had there. I was on my phone with my credit card company. I’d found out Jason was charging everything he did to my card. Guessed that was his way of getting even with me for taking some money.
“Yes, ma’am, please cancel that card immediately!” I instructed the rep and then ended the call.
Kev came jogging back to the car. I was so angry with Jason, but I wasn’t gonna let him spoil my time in Vegas. ”Okay, okay! I’m hungry; let’s go!”
“Girl, what you been out here doin’? You done put on some lip gloss and eye shadow, and let yo’ hair down! You did all that in the car? I’ma have to fight these goons off of ya!”
We both laughed. I hit him in the arm when he got in the car and we were off to dinner. I put on my shades and enjoyed the wind coming through the window while he drove. I wondered if I could trust him enough to tell him I was running off with Jason’s money. After all, he forgave me when he found out I took the money back in the day. However, that was pennies compared to what I knew I was taking now.
When we got to the restaurant and sat down, Kev watched me. He smiled when I caught him looking.
“What? Why you keep lookin’ at me like that? What’s wrong? Is my lip still swollen?” I reached for my face but Kev grabbed my hand.
“No, nothing’s wrong. I’m just admiring your beauty.” He leaned in across the table. “Reese, you really brighten up a room.” He shook his head, then continued watching me. “You’re one of a kind. Jason doesn’t know what he has.”
I blushed, wanting to believe every word Kev was saying. He’s just being nice, I told myself. For the first time I was at a loss for words, sitting there stuck for a few seconds; then I blurted out, “I was thinking about you.” Oh, my God! Did I just say that aloud? My heart was beating fast because my words were now out there and I couldn’t take them back.
“So? What were you thinkin’?” Kev grinned.
