“What am I forgetting?” I said, standing in the middle of my bedroom, looking around the room. After seeing I hadn’t left anything, I headed to the kids’ room to pack them up some things.
I knew I was going to have to either go online and get a plane ticket or run out to the airport. I figured when I went passed Toya’s with some clothes for the boys I could stop at the bank, run in, and put the money in my safety deposit box, then head to the airport for my ticket.
I then rolled my eyes, then shouted aloud, “I can’t stand Jason. I wish I could have gotten to my gun while he was in here clownin’. I would have . . .” Thoughts of Jason angered me as I gathered all the luggage and took it to the front door.
I grabbed my gun and pointed as if I was gonna shoot somebody, never finishing my sentence because I knew down in my heart I wouldn’t have done such a thing. Moreover, I knew I wasn’t a killer, I just wanted Jason to pay for every awful thing he had ever done, and I believed that vengeance was mine and not the Lord’s to give! I hated fighting with Jason and despised the beatings he gave me. It often made me remember my painful past and how I had seen my momma die when I was eleven years old.
I cried out, “Lord, I will not end up like Momma!” Then I whispered, “If I can help it. Every time I think I’m gonna have peace in my life something always comes and steals it.”
The expression on my face told it all. I was tired. I stood there for a moment in between my room and the boys’ thinking and debating within whether I should continue my plans. It was scary now with Jason suspecting me of stealing the money that was missing. I remembered what happened to my mother when a man thought she had stolen from him.
“Well it’s too late to turn back now!”
I had to admit I was a piece of work, in my own right. I was really a good girl turned bad, and through all the fiascos I could still hear the voice of God telling me to turn from my wicked ways. As scared as I was of Jason, the pain and betrayal, the hurt and ambition rang over the voice I could clearly hear telling me to just stop, but I wouldn’t. I had gone way past the red light and now I was out of control.
“I know I shouldn’t be doing this, I hear you, Lord, but I’m tired. I just wanna start over with my boys. You always said you would be here for me, God, but you let Jason beat me for years! You let my son’s father cheat on me and embarrass me! That was so painful. I wanted to ball up in a corner and just die after Julius cheated. He was my high school sweetheart, my together forever, and I believed it.” I had to sit on my bed for a second because thinking about Julius brought me to some unresolved issues. I cried thinking about all the promises and dreams we shared together and how it never went that way. I jumped back up and continued talking to God.
“You let my momma get killed! I’m doing it my way, Jesus. It works for me!”
Chapter 18
Eighty Grand
“Hey, Toya.” I looked down at my watch while I waited for a response on the other end of the phone.
“Hey,” Toya answered.
“The flight leaves at nine tonight; it’s noon now.”
Toya was listening, but I knew she was concerned about the boys and me. She knew about all the drama and had witnessed the damages too many times. She had seen Jason knock holes in my walls and remembered bruises on my legs and arms, and even black eyes on occasion.
“Okay, you comin’ by here to say bye to the boys before you leave? They keep askin’ for you.” Toya was the only person who knew we were leaving for Atlanta. The plan was for Toya to take the boys to their father until I was settled in. It was the summer so Michael was out of school.
“Yes, of course. I will be by there in a bit. I need to take care of few more things; then I’m headed there.”
I shared where I was going with my friend and I even told her we wouldn’t be back, but I never told her about the stolen money and drugs. I knew Toya would tell me to return it. She wasn’t for all of that. She was saved and wouldn’t agree with getting even. Toya would have said something like, “Let God deal with him. You shouldn’t be living with him and y’all ain’t married anyway.” Toya had standards and always reminded me of them.
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll be fine. I know you’re worrying.” I tried to lighten up the conversation. “You are too young to be worrying about me. I’ll be fine,” I assured her.
“Reese, I don’t know what’s going on, but I got a bad feeling that something is wrong. You keep saying Jason isn’t dangerous but every time I turn on the news one of his friends is dead. Man, you better hurry up and get away from him. Sis, all the diamonds and furs in the world ain’t worth you losing your life over. Please get out of that!” Toya cried.
“I am. I will be out of it today, promise.”
“I’m praying for you and I asked the Lord to cover you and the boys with the blood of Jesus. The blood of Jesus is the answer.”
I closed my eyes. I could feel the emptiness in my heart. I almost felt like there was a black hole where my heart should be. The hurt of my life had given me an excuse to walk away from Jesus, but still I replied to Toya, “I hear you, sis,” then hung up.
I didn’t wanna think about Jesus, not with the things I had gotten mixed up with.
I knew I was messing up real bad, but I kept it moving in the house after I hung up with Toya. I made sure I had everything I was going to need. I ran back in my room with the cash, sat on the edge of my bed, and unraveled the money. I laid it all out on the bed, and when I was finished counting, I had taken over $80,000 from Jason. I jumped up off the bed, went to the window, looked out, then turned around and glanced at the money on the bed.
“Oh my God, what have I done? I gotta get this out of here!” I yelled while packing it all up.
I did one last once-over of my room and saw my Victoria’s Secret tote. I grabbed a shirt on my bed, bent down, and wrapped the money in the shirt and put it in the tote. I knew I had to get the money out of there, so I decided it was time to take it to the bank and put it in a safety deposit box.
I heard a ringing. I looked around the room until I found my cell in my purse. “Hello,” I answered.
“Hey, you all right over there?” It was Kev calling to check on me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I went over to my bedroom window to see if Kev was pulling up. “Where you at?”
“Out and about.”
“Where’s Jason?” I said as I peeked through the blinds, looking up and down the street for his Hummer.
There was a brief silence.
“Man, this dude left! He went out of town! The thing that’s messed up is he had a business trip to take and now I gotta go.”
I felt guilty. “Oh, Kev, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. It’s not yo’ fault. Just wanted to make sure you was all right. You sure you all right? Reese?” Kev asked with concern.
I was in a daze thinking about getting out of there. “Huh? What?” I looked down at the tote. “I don’t know,” I replied. “So, he went on a trip? Wow.” I cracked up laughing. Jason was a hot mess. Nothing stopped Jason from doing what Jason wanted to do. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure, Reese,” Kev replied.
I sighed nervously. “Anyway I’m good, Kev, but I gotta go.”
