I never liked Yellow because whenever he came around he would keep my mother high on that stuff that would make her turn into a zombie, never noticing me or what was going on. Not even caring if we ate, had lights or food, or if I had clean clothes or nothing; a zombie. Besides that my mother was too beautiful for that fool!
Yellow was notorious and known to be scandalous throughout our neighborhood. There were rumors about him committing murders and rumors that he came up on money and dope by robbing people a few years back. He was now known as the neighborhood dope man and whatever anyone in the hood wanted, from marijuana to crack cocaine, he could get his grimy hands on and into theirs; for the right price that was.
I didn’t like him coming around our house. I was afraid when he was at our house and I would think someone he backstabbed was gonna catch him one night while he was laid up with Momma. I knew from hearing people talk that in the hood, when they came to get even, they killed everything in their way, which meant everybody in the house.
Momma came out the door with her bathrobe on. She had her beautiful, long, black, curly hair wrapped up in a bun and her face was radiant. She was a beautiful woman. She was tall and slender like a model, with blue eyes, a very fair complexion, and skin smoother than butter.
She closed the door behind herself. Then, she smiled at me and said, “What is it, Reese?”
“Momma, did you remember I needed twenty dollars for tomorrow’s field trip?” I held up the letter while I asked, hoping she had miraculously saved some money for me to go. After all, I told her at the beginning of the month, so just maybe?
“I told you I wouldn’t forget, li’l girl. Now didn’t I?” She opened my hand and put the twenty in it. She gave me a kiss on my forehead, smiled, and started to open her bedroom door.
“Momma, I’m sorry,” I blurted out. I felt so bad because I didn’t think she remembered or had the money, and it made me feel guilty for all the stuff I said to myself under my breath before I got to her door.
She laughed at me, tilted her head and walked back over to me. She put her arms around me and gave me a big, warm hug. She whispered in my ear and told me how much I was growing into a beautiful young woman.
“Reese, you will accomplish anything you want in life, baby. I know you have been through a lot of difficult things, but our lives are going to get better, I promise.” She continued to hug me. Then, without letting me go, she looked at me and said, “No more drugs, Reese baby, I promise you. But more important, I promised God. Reese, I am so proud of you. You keep up the good work at school. You deserve to go on this trip.”
I nodded my head and whispered, “Yes, ma’am.” I wanted so desperately to believe things were gonna change, but it was a hard thing to do, and with Yellow being there I knew it was closer to impossible than possible.
Momma interrupted my thoughts. “Reese, I want you to believe me. Do you believe me? Do you believe things are gonna change, baby?”
I smiled and nodded yes. I didn’t want to lie to my mother, but I knew it wasn’t gonna change. We had been here with her empty promises so many times. I felt as though I was the parent and she was the little girl. I had to bathe her, feed her, and sit with her when she was high. I had seen too much too often, and frankly, at eleven years old, I was numb to the promises that my mother frequently uttered.
My mother was a drug addict. She was addicted to cocaine by the time I was five and that led her to prostituting when I was seven. I remembered hearing her and her friends in the living room partying every night. I would beat on the wall, loud as I could, and yell, “Stop!”
I hated it! Hated hearing what was going on in the next room while I was in my room trying to get my homework done. I imagined getting good enough grades to get us both out the hood when I got older. However, it was just a dream that faded into a nightmare.
I ran back to my bedroom and laid the money on the dresser. I was hype. I went to my closet and looked for something decent to wear for the trip. I found my blue jean mini skirt and decided to wear that with my pink sweatshirt that hung off one shoulder, and my Nikes with the fat pink shoelaces in them. I smiled at myself in my dresser mirror after laying the clothes on my bed. I was so happy to be going.
I decided to turn in early that night so morning would come faster for my field trip. I couldn’t wait! I was so excited to see the different art pieces and whatever else the institute held in there. I opened my bedroom door and went to the bathroom to run me a bath. As I passed Momma’s room I could hear Yellow hollering at her.
“Yellow, please, lower your voice. My baby is here,” I heard Momma reply.
“Listen, Sophia, I don’t give a care who in here, you better get my money! I had more than this in my pocket, woman!” Yellow proclaimed.
I didn’t think much about them arguing, ’cause he always had something negative to say. It wasn’t that serious. Yellow raved on, pouted, and complained about everything, so I went in the bathroom and took my bath. I put the Mr. Bubbles bubble bath, which my grandma brought me, in the tub. I got in the tub, closed my eyes, and laid my neck on the rim of the back part of the tub. I was relaxing and excited to be going somewhere new.
I finally got out the tub after being in there so long that my fingertips were numb and white. I dried off, still hearing Momma and Yellow arguing, and went to my bedroom.
“Sophia, where is my stuff? Huh? Why you always taken somethin’ that don’t belong to you?” Yellow yelled. I could hear him hitting the walls and throwing stuff around. To top it all off, he was calling Momma out of her name. “You want me to leave now? You so stupid!” he spat.
I heard Momma say, “Yeah, get out!”
Then he replied, “I don’t know why I keep foolin’ wit’ you! You ain’t nothin’ but a dope head and that’s all you gonna ever be!”
Yellow flung open Momma’s bedroom door to me standing right there. I rolled my eyes and passed him in the hallway. He didn’t want to look at me but had no choice, seeing we were both in the tiny hallway. We didn’t talk to each other, look at each other, or acknowledge each other. He probably hated me just as much as I hated him to tell the truth.
The hatred between Yellow and me started the end of the summer. Yellow had stopped by while Momma had gone to the grocery store. He pulled up, blasting his music in his ghetto-fabulous car. I knew it was him ’cause he was playing that same ol’ song he always played, “Bump N’ Grind”: “I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.”
(Ugh, I despised him, and after that day, I wished he were dead!)
I was in the bathroom putting my hair in a ponytail because my hair hanging down my back was making me hot. That day had to be the hottest day of the summer. I was gonna ignore Yellow when he knocked, but it seemed like he beat and knocked harder and louder as I ignored him.
“Come on, Reese baby, I know you in there!” He laughed.
I went to the door, looked out the peephole, and said, “What? What do you want, Yellow? She ain’t here!”
“Little girl, I know she ain’t. She sent me over here to leave somethin’ for her in her room. Open the door, girl. Stop playin’ wit’ me!” He huffed.
I wrinkled my nose, rolled my eyes, and then opened the door. I walked away, back toward the bathroom, and that’s when Yellow grabbed me.
“Ooowee, Reese, you shouldn’t wear shorts like that.” He pulled me close to him and started kissing me on the neck. I pushed him and tried to get him off of me but I couldn’t. I was powerless against him. Yellow was a big man with prison muscles. You know, the kind of body that looks like all he did was stay on the weight bench lifting weights.
“Yellow, stop it! I’m gonna tell my momma if you don’t,” I screamed.
“Um, Reese, you so tender and young. Umm, you need to let me take care of you. Yo’ momma don’t have to know nothin’. Come on, Reese. You smell so sweet, you so young.”
“No! Get off of me, you pervert!” He was touching my legs and my bottom, rubbing his big yellow hand up and down my thigh. He started backing me into my bedroom fast. My eyes were big and my heart was beating a mile a minute.
“You gonna be a woman today, little girl. I’ma break you all the way in, let you see what a woman is.” I begin to scratch his face, and I spat on him. I tried everything I could to get away. I cried and screamed but nobody came to help me; nobody could hear. I was so afraid he was going to rape me. Oh God, no! Don’t let him do this to me! I want my momma! Momma, please hurry home! I cried to myself.
He started whispering and he laid me on the bed and was on top of me. “Come on, Reese.” He kissed me on my lips.
I was so angry that if I had a knife I would have killed him, but I didn’t. All I had was my teeth. So, as he forced his tongue in my mouth, I closed my eyes and tried to bite his tongue off!
“Ouch, you li’l . . .” He jumped up off me; then he bent down and smacked me in the face. My face turned fast from the hit. I grabbed the side of my face and looked him in his eyes. But I didn’t care. I didn’t even flinch from the hit. I just wanted him out of there. He touched his mouth and looked at the blood from his tongue on his hand. “Okay, little girl, all I wanted to do is make you a woman. Show you how a man takes care of a woman.” He was out of breath.
