Grandma had distracted me by yelling to get my attention while I looked through a magazine on our way to church. The church was on a seven-day corporate fast. I wasn’t, but Grandma, Grandpa, and some of the dedicated members were. We were headed to the sanctuary for a shut-in with some of the other members, including my grandpa, who was the pastor of the church.
I really loved spending the night in the church. It always made me feel secure and protected. I would always imagine the sanctuary filled with angels guarding and protecting all of us while we were there. I always thought the angels were there waiting patiently to take everybody’s requests back to the Lord. I laughed as I let my imagination run wild as a fourteen-year-old child. “Huh, Grandma?” I questioned.
Grandma covered my hand with her own hand, looked over at me, and smiled. “Something special for you today, baby,” she softly said. “I prayed earlier today and asked the Lord to fill you with Himself, Reese. I know your momma’s death is still painful but I’m asking God to show you that, even through horrible circumstances, He can and will give you peace in the midst of a storm.” She smiled. “And, baby, your momma’s death was the hardest thing me and your grandpa ever had to deal with, but—God! Woo—child, Jesus has a way to carry you through!”
I sat there for a second and thought about Momma’s murder, then answered, “I hear you, Grandma,” and smiled.
Grandma never said anything else. She just started humming one of her favorite songs she would sing to Jesus. I went back to reading my magazine and fantasizing about meeting the movie stars who were in there.
“Okay, Reese, we’re here. Get our stuff out the trunk and come on in,” Grandma said while she walked into the church and I did what I was told.
As soon as I opened the door of the church I could hear the members praying and could smell the sweet aroma from the candles that were lit coming from the sanctuary. I closed my eyes and sniffed in the linen smell and smiled. How beautiful it is to commune with God, I thought while walking into the sanctuary. I looked for a spot to put down my blankets and pillows to sleep, claimed a spot, and continued to smile while listening to the cries from the members unto the Lord. I looked up at the cathedral ceilings and the chandeliers and noticed they were barely lit. I then realized the candles were the source of light in the sanctuary. It was so pretty in there with the lights turned down like that, and it really set the atmosphere for Jesus to come and visit.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “Breathtaking.”
I heard prayer coming from the altar and turned to see Grandpa there on his knees, praying. I wanted to go to the altar and pray but I had never gone before. However, this day I didn’t care if the other kids would make fun of me. Today I felt a pulling to go to the altar and pray; it was as if Jesus were calling me there, sitting on the marble altar, waiting for me to come and talk to Him.
I grabbed my blanket and went, not caring who was looking at me. I just knew it was something I had to do. The pull from the Lord was greater than what some people would think.
As soon as my knees hit the ground I felt an overwhelming comfort and peace. I felt warmth in my heart and before I knew it my mouth was moving and words I couldn’t understand were flowing out. I imagined I stayed on the altar for a while, crying and speaking in an unknown language to man, only known to God. I knew my Redeemer had saved me and made me free. Free in my heart and free in my mind; I was free. The knowing of this was too powerful for me to be quiet or deny that God had given me a gift. So I worshipped Him and loved on Him as the others in the sanctuary watched and celebrated what God had given me: Him.
Chapter 4
A Broken Promise
I was in the tenth grade when this cliché of a boy walked by. Tall, dark, and handsome were his qualifications. Quite well by far the cutest dude at our high school and to top it off he was the star athlete: Mr. Julius Logan. I believed I noticed him before he ever laid eyes on me that day.
“Hey, man, wait up.”
This big ol’ boy ran by me in the hall. He had to be a football player, seeing the way he was dressed. One cleat was on and the other was in his hand, not to mention those tight football pants he wore. His school jersey had all kind of grass and dirt stains on it. The bell had just rung for the last period of the day. “You gonna be late to the field if you don’t come on, man. Get that chick’s number later!”
He hollered at another boy dressed identical to him, besides the one shoe on, one off. “I’m comin’,” he yelled back, but continued to walk and talk to Lan’. Lan’ was a cheerleader; a beautiful girl mixed with African American and Asian features, she had hair down her back, red flawless skin, and was very shapely. She was popular at our school, but, then again, so was I.
“All right, Lan’, I’ll see you after practice, right?” He smiled at her, showing his pearly whites. He had the kind of smile that would paralyze a girl, make her stop in her tracks like a deer in the headlights of a semi. He had the kind of smile that belonged on a Wheaties box. He had the kind of smile that if he was telling a lie, his smile would make it seem like the truth.
From that very moment I wanted him to be my husband. I had done good so far keeping my promise to Jesus that I wouldn’t have sex before I was married. I had managed to stay a virgin all the way up and through my ninth grade year and I wasn’t about to let Jesus down now. I didn’t think about Julius being my boyfriend; I wanted him to be my husband, of course when we got older.
I looked him up and down and thought how cute he was. He was six foot three, with muscles bulging out of his chest, back, and arms—OMG—like the Hulk! His skin was so beautiful and silky, like he had Indian in him. His hair was short and curly. I had to say this: he was dreamy!
He turned around to go in the gym and bumped straight into me, this big linebacker who carried the number eighty-five on the back of his jersey.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.” He smiled and grabbed my hand. “You all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I smiled back. I felt like melting right before him. Here I was talking and holding hands with Julius Logan, the highly scouted, most popular superstar athlete in Dayton, Ohio. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I knew my hand was clammy from being so nervous.
“You’re Reese, right?” he asked.
“I’m Reese. What’s your name?” As if I didn’t already know.
“I’m Julius, Reese.” He raised my hand, and then kissed the back of it.
We were so caught up in each other that both of us forgot about poor Lan’ standing there with her mouth hung open. I was sure she couldn’t believe she had just gotten her boyfriend stolen away from her in front of her face.
“Julius!” she screamed. “You don’t see me standing here?”
“Oh, Lan’, yeah, I see you.” He continued to look me in my eyes but he spoke to her. He never let my hand go until, finally, she walked off angry.
“Your girlfriend just left,” I said, laughing.
“She’s not my girlfriend. Not at all, but you on the other hand . . .”
He had me, caught in the headlights of love.
Julius and I were inseparable from that day forward. We finished high school and graduated side by side. The both of us headed to Columbus, Ohio for The Ohio State University with scholarships: his a football scholarship, and mine academic, studying electrical engineering.
My plan was working and God had gotten me out of tight spots without losing my virginity to Julius before we married. I was secure and happy, and we were headed for some great things.
It was when we were in our sophomore year of college that it happened. The football team was headed to the Rose Bowl and Julius was Ohio State’s man. He had all kinds of people pumping him up with promises, giving him money, and even giving him and me a car. But Julius was blinded by it all, and, to be frank, I was too. Who gives two college students brand new cars, money in their bank accounts, and hooks them up with a decked out condo? Alumnis do, that’s who! But there was no need for me to ask questions, I was just along for the ride. It was hard in school. My grandparents didn’t have a lot of money to give me so I considered it a blessing.
“Reese, do you know where my headphones are?” Julius asked. “I need ’em for the plane.”
I watched him, but continued to stay on the couch and study for my psychology test. He went through every drawer in the kitchen looking for them. Our place was pretty nice and we paid next to nothing in rent. It belonged to one of the alumni who moved away but didn’t wanna get rid of their property. It was way out in the suburbs of Columbus in a small city called New Albany.
The day we moved in, it had been completely furnished by every piece of furniture that I had ever pointed out to Julius in magazines. Not to mention he had someone go out and get new linens, new pots and pans, and new dishes. I was so shocked. All I remembered was thinking, this man loves me so much. He made sure I had gotten everything I wanted and needed.
“Baby, you don’t know what I did with my headphones? I just had ’em yesterday. If I don’t find ’em, it’s gonna be a long ride for me to Cal,” Julius proclaimed.
“Okay, I will find them.” I puffed. I needed to study, but Julius needed me. I hadn’t studied all weekend. I needed to keep my 4.0 for my scholarships and because I promised myself.
