Julius began to take our son everywhere he went. He was a great father. He loved Michael so much. Julius didn’t have any family besides me and the baby. His mother had abandoned him from birth. He lived with different family members until he was in high school, then the coach at our high school and his wife took him in to stay with them.
Being faithful and loyal was a huge thing to him. He never wanted to feel betrayed or lost. The problem was Julius didn’t know how to be that to his family, meaning me.
I began to sink myself deeper and deeper into the things of God. I was afraid that I was going to lose him. So like I did when my mother died, I called on Jesus and allowed Him to keep this boat afloat.
Two more years went by and marriage was getting harder. I found myself with another baby. We named him Gabriel.
Julius never wanted to name his sons after himself. His mother had named him and he hated her. He didn’t want her to have anything to do with a name for his seed.
At this time things were pretty come and go between us. When I came in, he left, and when he came in the house, I left. We only saw each other at night when it was time for bed, because I was out all day shopping or with some of the other players’ wives goofin’ off somewhere and Julius was in training season.
Julius’s football career was booming. He had just signed a contract with Nike and done a couple of commercials. He had also signed a new contract with the Browns. Money wasn’t a problem, but his lack of loyalty and faithfulness seemed to finally catch up with him.
I was out one day alone. The boys were with the nanny when I get a phone call from Julius telling me to meet him at one of our favorite Italian restaurants.
“Babe, where you at?” He sounded so sad when he called.
“I’m downtown, why?” He knew I didn’t have anything to say to him because of his behavior as of late. Julius had been turning out. Not only neglecting me, but drinking, smoking weed, and using cocaine. He knew I didn’t approve of it. I always thought he was so much more than a superstar athlete. Julius was incredible to me. His mind was brilliant and I always wanted and saw so much more in him than I think he even saw in himself.
“We need to meet now. Reese, I love you. I promise I do.”
“Okay, you are scaring me. What’s wrong?” Tears started coming out of my eyes and my stomach felt sick because I knew something had gone wrong.
“Babe, it’s okay. We gonna get through this, just meet me there. I’m pullin’ up now. How long before you get here?”
I was walking down the street, going into another retail store when he called. I had gotten used to shopping. That’s all I did to pacify me and fill the time I spent alone. “I’m headed to my car now. I should be there in ten minutes.”
I wasn’t being as polite or nice to him as he was to me. I was tired of Julius. All he did was party like a rock star. The most time I spent with him was late night and early mornings when he came in smelling of alcohol and weed, thinking he was bionic from the coke. He would force himself on me, and, as he called it, make passionate, heated love to me. I often lay there thinking of the seed I had sown by losing my virginity to him. I will never vow to you again, God, and not hold to it.
Remembering his voice softly whispering in my ear all those years ago, “Reese, I will always cherish you,” now I laughed as I thought how foolish I was to listen to his sweet-talk and invisible dreams that had turned to disaster.
I walked up to the nice restaurant and smiled back at the waitresses and waiters who frequently had waited on us.
“Your seats,” the host said, guiding me to the seat with her arm and hand. I smiled back but wondered what I was walking into. Nowadays who knew when it came to Julius? He was so unpredictable. He lied so much and by now had had so many affairs with different women I lost count.
“He’s back here in you guys’ favorite seats.” She smiled. “Haven’t seen you in a while, Mrs. Logan.”
I grinned and continued to walk. I turned the corner and saw Julius sitting there. It didn’t matter what that man did, what drugs he was hooked on, he was still gorgeous. The wild life hadn’t lain in the bed with him yet and impregnated him with the drug or alcohol look.
He was sitting there with his elbows on the table and his hand on his forehead as if he was deep in thought. He never saw me walk up.
“Hey, what’s goin’ on?” I said softly, and then sat down.
He got up from the table and let me in my seat. I noticed he had put his wedding ring back on. He hadn’t worn it in over four months so that was a surprise to see.
I figured he was going to tell me how sorry he was for all he had done—all the embarrassment, all the affairs—and how he was ready to clean himself up and be a great husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had heard that one a time or two.
“Reese, I’m so glad you came.” His eyes were bloodshot, and before he could say a word, tears began to fall from his eyes.
I sat there and waited. My heart was already speaking to me and telling me this was going to be bad.
“Baby, please don’t leave me. Please.” He held his head down while he spoke to me.
What has he done? He can’t even look me in my eyes. Oh, Jesus, please don’t let him have a disease! Please! I thought.
“Reese, I messed up. Somebody is pregnant.”
I looked away. I could see the waitress smiling and coming over to take our order. I waved her away, then looked at him, speechless. I didn’t know what to do. I was stuck for a moment, in between thoughts of what to do next. Should I punch him in his head? Spit on him? Should I just get up and walk out of here, never to see him again? What should I do, Jesus?
I could see Julius’s lips moving, crying and trying to tell me what happened, but I couldn’t hear him. I grabbed my heart and began to cry too.
“Baby, baby, please say somethin’. I am so sorry.”
I couldn’t say a word. It felt like someone had stuck a knife in my heart. I sat across from him and watched him try to explain.
“She couldn’t have been any older than twenty. She was walking, carrying a newborn baby. I drove by her and thought about approaching her, then I turned around. I offered her a ride home and it started from there.” I’m sure the expression on my face let him know I was ready to ask him questions about this. He reached his hand over the table to touch mine, but I pulled my hand back when he touched me. He then hit the table as if he was upset.
I couldn’t just leave it alone. I wanted to hear it all. I gave him a mean look and told him to finish the story. He took a deep breath and continued. “Babe, please, I don’t wanna tell you anymore. Please don’t ask, just leave it alone.”
“Within a few days I was meetin’ up with her at motels.” He said it so quick, so easy. I knew then his love for me was not equal to the love I had for him. He continued, “It was just sex. I am so sorry I did this.” He held his head down and blurted into a hysterical cry. “She had a newborn already so I didn’t think . . .” He grabbed the top of his head like he was deep in thought. “I was going to end it with her, Reese, I swear. I texted her and had her meet me at the motel, but when I got there, it was gonna be the last time.”
He then whispered, “I had sex with her again thinking that would be it. That was two months ago and I haven’t seen her or had any contact with her since. She called me today and said she was pregnant.”
I couldn’t hold my peace for another second. “You are an idiot. You’re a professional athlete, and you don’t even think enough about yourself, your wife, and family to protect yourself? Really? What if you have a STD?” I sat back in my seat.
To be honest I wasn’t surprised. I sat there watching the other people in the restaurant while they talked to each other, held hands, and ordered their food. I watched the waitress take orders and I even looked at one lady’s shoes as she dangled them while talking to her date. Then I looked back over at him. His eyes were bloodshot red, a little snot was coming down his nose, and such desperation was on his face. However, even though he displayed all of this, I was not moved, not at all. I put my hand on my chin and tuned him back in.
