For him to add it this morning must mean he had a plan for her to cook it in some form or another sometime soon. There was no way she would just be able to casually explain this away. Which left her with only one thing to do—she’d have to let Seth know she’d failed to purchase it.
And worse still, she’d have to let him know why.
Chapter 21
Phoebe squared her shoulders. Best to get it over with now.
Giving Edna a smile that no doubt looked more like a grimace, she turned and grabbed her coat from one of the mudroom hooks. Buttoning it with clumsy fingers, she slowly trudged across the distance between the house and Seth’s workshop.
The wind that had felt bracing and playful a few minutes ago now seemed to pound against her.
These next few minutes would change everything. She dreaded the thought of seeing pity and condescension in his eyes when he looked at her.
Or maybe something even worse.
“I have something to tell you.”
Seth could hear the seriousness in her tone. What had happened since he’d left her a few moments ago?
He turned and gave her his full attention, noting how distressed she appeared. “Is something wrong?”
“I didn’t get everything on the list like I thought I did. I missed one item—the rhubarb.”
He felt a flash of irritation—it would mean another trip to town this week. Next week would be too late, they needed to have it for Sunday. But getting angry wouldn’t serve any gut purpose. And she seemed to be berating herself more than anything he could say would. “That’s unfortunate. I’ll go into town tomorrow and pick it up.”
She was still wringing her hands, so he tried to soften his tone. “It’s an annoyance but not anything to get distressed over. You just need to be more careful in checking the list in the future.”
She didn’t seem to have heard him. “Apparently you added that item sometime after breakfast and before we left for town.” Her voice still had that flat, defeated tone.
“Jah. I added it while I waited in the kitchen for you to join me.” Was she trying to shift the blame to him? “But I don’t understand why that would matter.”
She let out a long breath. “It matters because, with Edna’s help, I spent thirty minutes this morning memorizing what was already on the list.”
He sat up straighter, studying her in surprise. “Why would you do that?”
She looked down and brushed at her skirt, and he noticed her hands trembled slightly. “Because I can’t read or write very well. Actually, barely at all.”
It took a moment for her words to register. “Of course you can.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized how ridiculous it was of him to argue with her. Memories of her going her own way rather than referring to his lists, of her having Edna jot down notes when there were lists to be made, of her ignoring the menu at King’s all flashed through his mind. How had he missed the signs?
“I’m sorry, I know I should have told you as soon as I arrived.” She lifted a hand and then let it drop. “I know it’s vain of me and I should accept the way Gotte made me. But I just wanted to pretend to be normal for a little while—to be someone without these shortcomings. Besides, I’ve developed ways to compensate. Like memorizing the things I need to know.”
But how could this be, she seemed so bright, so independent? “And you say Edna knows about this?”
“She does.” Then her eyes widened and she rushed to add, “But she didn’t think it was her place to speak of my problems. She told me that the choices of if and when I told you were up to me. So please don’t blame her.”
Still trying to wrap his mind around what she’d confessed, he nodded. “Don’t worry, I understand her discretion. I just wish you’d come to me sooner and not waited until you were backed into a corner.”
She nodded, her expression even more miserable than before if that was possible.
Seeing her distress, he tried to clamp down on his annoyance over the fact that she hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him earlier. He supposed he could understand her reluctance to admit such a thing. “What’s done is done. There’s no need for us to dwell on it. It’s gut that you’ve learned ways to work around this issue. And now that I know, I can make allowances and help make things easier for you.” He was surprised to see that his words, rather than ease her distress, only made her stiffen.
“That is wonderful kind of you,” she said, her tone anything but relieved. “But I’m not looking for any special treatment. I’m the same person I was before I walked in here and I’d for sure and for certain appreciate you continuing to treat me the same. If I need help, I’ll ask for it.”
He was taken aback, as much by the firmness of her tone as by her actual words. How could he not see her differently given what he knew now? It was brave and admirable of her to want to do this on her own, but since she was in his care while she was in Sweetbrier Creek he had a responsibility to keep her safe. Perhaps he could strike a balance. “I will try.”
She gave a dignified nod. “Danke. And again, I apologize for not getting the rhubarb. Are you sure it’s not something that can wait until next week’s shopping trip?”
“Nee. Jesse’s birthday is Sunday and strawberry rhubarb cake is his favorite.”
Her jaw dropped slightly. “Jesse’s birthday is Sunday?”
“Jah. He got a card in today’s mail, that’s what reminded me.”
She placed a hand on her hip. “And this is another thing you were going to wait to tell me.”
“As I said, I only remembered myself when I saw that card this morning.”
“This morning, before we went to town. Didn’t you think I might want to get him a little gift?” Then she threw up her hands. “Of course you didn’t.” With an audible huff, she turned and walked away.
How had she so quickly managed to turn this around so that he was the one on the defensive?
As Phoebe slowly walked back to the house her irritation with Seth faded to the background. Instead, an uneasy feeling settled in her chest. Seth had said he would try to treat her as he always had but there was something about the way he’d said it that made her wonder if it was even possible. Things would change, she didn’t doubt that for a minute. But to what extent?
Which brought up another question. Since Seth now knew the truth, should she tell his brieder as well? Did she even have a choice or would Seth feel it was his place to tell the rest of the household?