She crossed her arms. “So you’re saying your first apology wasn’t real?”
Seemed she wasn’t going to make this easy. “Not in the sense that I realized what I’d done to upset you.”
“And you think you understand now.”
He nodded. “I told myself that by checking after you and going over the lists I’d made for you I was being helpful, that I was doing what I could to make things easier on you. And I thought I was being subtle about it. But I see now that I was being patronizing and I was ignoring your ingenuity. What you deserved was my confidence that you could carry on as you had the first week you were with us and confidence that you would ask for help if and when you needed it.”
Her expression softened and she leaned against the stall gate, staring down at the calf. “And you came to this sudden realization on your own.”
“I wish I could say jah to that. Levi told me I was a fool for letting you leave without telling you how I felt about you. Jesse told me about dyslexia and what he knew of how it works. Then Edna told me about how smothered you’d felt most of your life and how you’d just started to spread your wings in our home.”
This time she met his gaze, her eyes wide. “How you felt about me?”
“Ahhh, Phoebe, don’t you know? It’s why I told Frannie it wouldn’t work between us. I don’t want a woman who is organized and predictable. I’ve come to understand that I want someone who’s spontaneous and has the ability to surprise me. Who is stubborn enough to challenge me when she sees something amiss in how I deal with familye and with work. Who takes an interest in what I do, and not just for the income it provides. Someone who is observant and caring and inventive. Whose food may sometimes go wrong but is never boring, and jah, who is a little bit clumsy at times but that’s all part of her charm.”
“How important is her ability to read and write to you?”
“I’d say it’s fairly low on the list. As long as she doesn’t let it define her or hold her back.”
Her gaze searched his face with a wariness and afraid-to-hope look that almost broke his heart because he knew he was responsible for putting them there.
“Are you sure?” Her voice was almost a whisper.
“Absolutely. I know we met less than a month ago but I feel like I’ve been waiting for you all my life. You’ve turned my life all around and upside down and I now find the idea of facing a future without you almost unbearable.” He brushed the back of his hand lightly against her cheek. “I love you, Phoebe.”
He saw the fire blaze to life in her eyes a heartbeat before she closed them and leaned into his touch. Then she straightened and her gaze searched his face. “Have you really thought this through? I mean, you like to make lists and I’ll never be able to read them or write my own. You like to plan things out and I find myself acting as soon as an idea pops into my head. I’ll never be very organized or graceful or altogether practical.”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything—or anyone—in my life.” He straightened. “But you haven’t yet told me how you feel. If I’ve waited too long, been too much of a blind fool for you to want to have anything further to do with me, say so and I will call the car back, return home and never bother you again, no matter how much that will tear me up inside.”
“Don’t you dare.”
He was taken aback at the unexpectedness of her response. Then he smiled as he realized her meaning.
“I was miserable at the idea of never seeing you and your brieder again. But I also couldn’t bear to stay and have you look at me as someone who needs to be constantly monitored and who you have to let win a game of chess like you would a little child just learning the basics.”
“I am so sorry I made you feel that way. And I would like to spend a lifetime making it up to you. If you’ll have me.”
Phoebe felt the joy burst inside of her and overflow, coloring the world. He knew all her secrets, all her faults, and he loved her anyway. Was there ever a woman more blessed than her?
“Jah, oh Seth, with all my heart jah! I love you, Seth Beiler, and it would make me so wonderful happy to be your fraa.”
He smiled at that. “Even though I don’t deserve it, I promise that you will for sure and for certain never have cause to regret giving me this second chance to prove how much I love and trust you.”
“Even through all your misguided attempts to ‘help’ me, you managed to make me feel accepted and needed. You truly listened to my ideas and when you found merit in them you weren’t too proud to admit it. You trusted me to run your household in the way that made sense to me, and you put up with my food experiments without complaint. I have never felt more of an equal partner in my life than I have with you.”
Seth reached out, his hand gently cupping her cheek, his touch both warm and reassuring. “You’ve given me hope, Phoebe. Hope for a future I never even knew I wanted—one filled with love, laughter and shared dreams.”
Phoebe’s breath caught in her throat at the vulnerability and tenderness in his eyes, and her gaze never wavered from his. “You’ve shown me that true strength comes not just from being independent, but from allowing others to share in our journey.”
With a gentle touch, he pulled her to him, sealing their unspoken promises with a kiss in a commitment to face whatever challenges life may bring, hand in hand.
Epilogue
Two Months Later
Phoebe watched as Seth studied the chessboard between them. They’d been married almost a month now and she still hadn’t tired of watching him when he was tackling a problem like he was now—how his rugged features furrowed in concentration, how his denim-blue eyes focused on the board as he leaned forward, and how he absently stroked his thick beard. Every aspect of this man had become etched in her heart.
As if aware of her gaze, he glanced up and caught her staring. A smile tugged at his lips. “Are you growing impatient?”
His grin was infectious but she raised a brow in challenge. “Nee, but you do seem to be spending quite a bit of time deciding on your next move. Have your strategies abandoned you?”
He gave her a mock-frown. “Don’t think you can distract me with your sweet smiles and challenging tone. I’m still convinced that’s what happened yesterday.”
The memory of yesterday’s victory, her first in their daily chess matches, still gave her a little spurt of pleasure. “I won that game fair and square—if you were distracted it wasn’t due to any intent on my part.”
His expression softened and he reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “I was only teasing, not trying to take away from your well-deserved win. And don’t you know, even when you’re not trying, I find you irresistibly beguiling?”
She felt the heat rise in her cheeks but she couldn’t resist the urge to roll her eyes. “Now who’s trying to distract whom?”
Levi stepped into the kitchen just then and gave them a knowing look when he spotted their joined hands.
Phoebe started to draw her hand away but Seth’s reassuring squeeze kept it firmly in place.
“Don’t mind me,” Levi said, his amusement obvious. “I just thought I’d grab an apple to snack on.”
“Did I hear someone mention snacks?” Kish wandered in from the mudroom. It was Saturday so most of the Beilers, with the exception of Mark, were home today.
“We were talking fruit, not cookies,” Phoebe answered quickly and smiled at the way his nose immediately wrinkled at that. “But in another hour or so there just might be a pan of warm chocolate chip cookies making an appearance.”
