I huffed a small laugh. āYeah, me neither.ā
Now that my family was gone, the string of defiance thatād kept me upright collapsed. My shoulders sagged as adrenaline leaked from my pores, leaving me heavy and exhausted.
I stepped out of Xavierās embrace and sank into one of the chairs lining the hall outside Penās room. I stared blankly at the opposite wall, my emotions a wreck after the surprise encounter with my family.
Sometimes, I wished I were the type of person who could forgive and forget. If I swallowed my hurt and anger and pretended I was happy for Georgia, that might actually be true one day. Fake it till you make it and all that.
If my sister had been a good sister, and her betrayal with Bentley were a one-off, I could be tempted to consider that route, but Georgia had never been a model sibling. She was used to being the center of attention and getting whatever she wanted. Often, what she wanted was what she couldnāt haveāthe one-of-a-kind porcelain doll my grandmother had gifted me for my birthday, our motherās vintage dress for her debutante ball, and, of course, my fiancĆ©.
Sheād put up such a fuss about the doll and dress that my father āredistributedā them to her. As for Bentley, he bore a fair share of the blame. I believed in greater accountability for the cheater than the person they cheated with, but in their case, they could both jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.
I heard a small rustle of clothing as Xavier sat next to me. Heād let me process silently, which I was grateful for, but I couldnāt stay catatonic forever.
āThank you.ā I turned my head to face him. āYou didnāt have to do that.ā
āDonāt know what youāre talking about.ā He lounged in his seat, the position reassuringly familiar against the impersonal hospital walls. āI merely told the truth like I always do.ā
āRight. What did you tell the front desk to get them to let you up?ā
āNothing.ā Xavierās grin twinkled with mischief. āI let Benjamin do the talking. Five Benjamins, to be exact. I may have also told them I was your fiancĆ©.ā
āThat has to be illegal, and you have to stop walking around with so much cash. Itās unsafe.ā
āUnsafe?ā He shifted, his knee grazing mine. āDonāt tell me youāre starting to care, Luna.ā
āStarting, no.ā Iād passed starting weeks ago; I just hadnāt known it at the time.
A rush of anxiety shot through me. Admitting I cared was akin to getting my teeth pulled out with pliers, but heād been honest with me about his feelings. I should be honest with him (to an extent).
Xavierās grin dimmed as the implication of my reply hit. Surprise flashed through his eyes, followed by a slow, molten warmth.
āThen weāre on the same page,ā he said softly. Some of my anxiety abated. āI guess we are.ā
We sat in silence for a while, watching nurses rush past and strangers come and go. Hospitals bled tears, but it was comforting, in a way. It reminded us that we werenāt alone in our grief and that the universe wasnāt targeting us. Shitty things happened to everyone.
It was a strange comfort, but it was a comfort nonetheless. āIs Pen really okay?ā Xavier asked.
āYes. I got to see her for a bit before she crashed and I ran into my family.ā I picked a piece of lint off my pants. āMy father and stepmother were here. They left before you came.ā
āI saw them on my way up.ā His voice gentled. āHow was that?ā
āIt was how I expected it to be. The Kensingtons remain divided.ā My mouth twisted into a sardonic smile. āWhatād you think of my sister and her husband? Charming, arenāt they?ā
āThatās not the first c word that came to mind.ā
A small laugh sliced through my turmoil. I didnāt know how he did it, but Xavier had a talent for making horrible situations tolerable.
āThere seemed to be some tension between you and Bentley,ā he said. āBeyond your antagonism with your sister.ā
If he ever gave up the nightclub gig, he should join the FBI. Xavier was terrifyingly observant.
āThere would be,ā I said. āConsidering he was my fiancĆ© before he married my sister.ā
His shocked eyes snapped up to meet mine, and my smile grew more bitter.
āNot a lot of people knew about us,ā I said. āAt least not in New York.ā
Iād never told anyone the full story, not even my friends. They knew bits and pieces, but rehashing the memories was too painful. Iād rather lock them in a box and pretend they didnāt exist.
However, seeing Bentley again had ripped the lock right off, and I needed to share them with someone before I drowned in them.
āWe met when we were both studying abroad in London,ā I said. āI was a junior; he was a senior. He stayed there for a job after graduation, and we dated long-distance for a bit. He worked in investment banking at the time, and because he was always so busy, I often visited him instead of the other way around. Then they transferred him to the New York office, and he proposed a month before I started Kensington PR.ā
My father had been thrilled when we started dating. Bentley had a good job, knew all the right things to say, and came from a rich, āacceptableā family. He was George Kensingtonās dream son-in-law. Honestly, my father was probably happier now that the perfect son-in-law was paired with the perfect daughter instead of with me.
āMy plans for starting the company had already been underway, so it wasnāt like I could push them back to plan my wedding. Even if I could, I wouldnāt have wanted to. But those first months after the opening wereā¦stressful, and our relationship became strained. He accused me of prioritizing work over him; I accused him of wanting me to fail. We were both so busy we barely saw each other, and when we did see each other, we fought. But I loved him, and I thought the bumps would pass after I got the firm off the ground and we were married.ā
There was no one except Xavier within earshot, but that didnāt stop red, itchy embarrassment from crawling over my skin. Iād been such an idiot. I shouldāve known, if Bentley had been that unsupportive at the beginning of my career, that his resentment would only grow the more success I achieved.
āA few months after he proposed, I flew to London for work. Of course, we fought about it since it was over the holidays, but it was a crisis surrounding my biggest client at the time. I resolved it faster than expected and came home early. When I walked into our apartment, I found him having sex in the living room with my sister. On New Yearās Eve.ā
The scene was imprinted on my brain no matter how hard I tried to scrub it. Her bent over the couch Iād picked out, him behind her, their moans and gasps as I stood frozen, trying to process what the fuck was happening. Theyād been so caught up in each other, they didnāt notice me until after theyād finished.
A fresh wave of humiliation flooded me. Getting cheated on was one thing. Getting cheated on by your fiancƩ and sister was a new level of betrayal.
Even though Georgia and I werenāt close, I hadnāt expected her to be so callous. Sheād never even apologized.
āJesus.ā Xavier let out a string of Spanish curses. āIām so fucking sorry, Luna.ā
āItās okay. It was an important lesson,ā I said flatly. Donāt trust people, and donāt let them in. I couldnāt get hurt if I didnāt care. āThey barely showed remorse. I kicked Georgia out, but not before she blamed my overworking for why he strayed. After she left, Bentley and I got into a huge fight, and heā¦ā My knuckles whitened around the edge of my chair. āHe said I was too frigid. That Iād always been an ice queen and that I got worse after I started my PR company. He said I couldnāt blame him for hooking up with Georgia when she was so passionate and I couldnāt even show proper emotion. Needless to say, we broke up that night. He and Georgia started dating officially a week later.ā
If you werenāt such an ice queen all the time, maybe I wouldnāt have gone looking elsewhere.
My throat and nose burned. āThe worst part was my father took Georgiaās side. There was no way his precious perfect daughter wouldāve done that without good reason. He blamed me using the same reasons they did, and when I refused to let it go, he gave me an ultimatum. Get over it or get out. So I got out.ā
Recounting the story out loud carried the sting of fresh wounds, but as my words dissolved in the sterile air, the initial pain gradually transformed into a therapeutic numbness.
By locking away those memories, Iād given them power. Theyād festered over the years, sprouting horns and claws and morphing into a nightmare I constantly ran from, whether I knew it or not. By sharing them out loud, Iād stripped them of that power.
They were nothing but a small man behind a big curtain, trying to convince me they could hurt me.
They couldnāt.
It wasnāt my fault that Georgia was a terrible sister or that Bentley was an insecure, cheating bastard. Nor was it my fault my father was too blinded by his biases to see what was right in front of him. They were the ones who should be ashamed, not me.
āSloane. Listen to me.ā Xavier grasped my shoulders and turned me so I faced him. His eyes glittered like dark coals of anger. āYou are not fucking frigid. Youāre one of the most driven, passionate people I know, even if you may show it differently than others, and you built one of the best PR firms in the world in five years. You think someone without passion can do that? And even if you were quote unquote ācoldā to your asshole ex, he deserved it. If he doesnāt appreciate you for who you are, then he damn well doesnāt deserve your time or energy.ā
His expression was fierce, and his touch seared like it was trying to impress his conviction onto my soul.