āWhat are you talking about?ā
āThe club. I did some quick calculations. Itāll take two months to clean up the damage, which throws off your initial design timeline, but if we scale back the interiors and focus on the experience, itās doable.ā
I couldnāt believe what I was hearing. āWeāre not scaling back anything because the club is done. Itās not happening.ā
Shock registered on Sloaneās face. āXavier, the vault is salvageable. Itāā
āNo, it isnāt.ā The loosened knot from earlier twisted into an unbreakable coil. āI gave it my best shot, and this is what happened.ā I gestured around us. āIf this isnāt a fucking sign to quit, I donāt know what is.ā
āThis isnāt a sign of anything.ā If I was stubborn, she was unyielding. āItāll be harder, but ifāā
āDammit, Sloane!ā A torrent of pent-up emotions punched through my numbness. Pain, fury, frustration, regretāthey all poured out, eating away at my rationality and restraint until I was nothing but pure, unadulterated instinct.
And right now, my instinct was to lash out at the closest target. āI donāt give a shit about the club or its design,ā I said, low and vicious. āPeople almost died because of me. Because of my oversight and decisions I made. I survived a fucking fire this morning, and you think I want to plan a fucking party? Thatās the last thing on my mind.ā
Sloaneās mouth trembled for a split second before she squared her shoulders and raised her chin. āI understand youāre upset, and youāre right,ā she said with infuriating calm. āNow isnāt the time to discuss business. We can do it later, after we get youāā
āWe arenāt discussing it later or ever.ā I couldnāt breathe past the pressure choking me. āI told you, the club is done. Do you hear me? As in, itās never happening. Why donāt you get it?ā
āBecause I know this is your emotions talking!ā Her composure finally snapped. āYou went through a lot today, and Iām not trying to downplay that. But you canāt make a decision about your entire future based onāā
āYes, I can!ā I stood, needing to move, needing to do something to feed the ugly beast prowling inside me. āTrying to secure my fucking āfutureā almost got people killed. This project was impossible from the start, and I canāt sit here and run business calculations when there are men lying hurt in a hospital because of me. Not all of us can go through life pretending they donāt feel, Sloane!ā
Unlike you.
I didnāt say it, but I didnāt need to; that was the problem with us knowing each other so well.
Sloaneās skin leeched of color. Sheād taken a step back when I stood, and she stared up at me with something Iād never seen from her before: raw, undisguised hurt.
Hurt Iād put thereāintentionally, callously, and maliciously. I knew her weak spot, and Iād attacked it without thought.
Emptied of fuel, the beast inside me deflated, leaving only regret in its wake.
Fuck. I reached for her, my throat clogged with the bitter residue of my words. āLuna...ā
āYouāre right.ā She shied away from my touch, her eyes still glossy with hurt. āNot everyone can.ā
āI didnātāā
āI have to go.ā Sloane turned away, her chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. āWeāll talk after things have calmed down.ā
Donāt go. Iām sorry. I love you.
Words I shouldāve said but didnāt. Couldnāt.
The only thing I could do was watch her walk away as my world went down in flames for the second time that day.
CHAPTER 39
Sloane
He hadnāt meant it.
I knew he hadnāt meant it because at his core, Xavier wasnāt cruel or malicious. Heād been upset about the fire and lashed out. In hindsight, I shouldnāt have pushed him so hard about rebuilding the club after the fire. Itād been the wrong time, but when I saw him sitting there, looking like a shell of himself, Iād panicked and defaulted to what I did bestāsolving crises. I hadnāt known how to assuage his guilt, so Iād tackled the concrete issue of his club instead.
Logically, I understood all that, but emotionally, I couldnāt dig out the barbs of his words. Theyād embedded themselves in old wounds, tearing through scabs and sutures to pour salt into raw flesh.
Not all of us can go through life pretending they donāt feel, Sloane!
If anyone else had said what Xavier said, it wouldāve stung, but I wouldāve brushed it off in short order. After all, Iād been accused of worse over the years.
But coming from him, the sentiment devastated me. He wasnāt entirely wrong, which was why it hurt so much. No one liked hearing the sting of truth from the person they cared about most, especially when it was delivered in anger.
Even a week later, even knowing he hadnāt meant it, it hurt so much I couldnāt breathe. That was what terrified me the mostā the fact someone else had that much power over me.
āMore popcorn?ā Alessandra nudged the bowl into my lap.
I shook my head, watching our fourth holiday rom-com of the day without really seeing it. My review notebook lay empty in my lap; every time I tried to write something, I pictured Xavier playfully teasing me about it, and I lost my words.
āThis movie is boring.ā Isabella yawned. āMaybe we should switch genres. Watch a thriller instead.ā
āThatās fine,ā I said without enthusiasm. I wasnāt in the mood to see fictional couples get their happily ever afters anyway. The concept of a happily ever after was a total scam.
My friends exchanged glances. It was the day after Christmas and a full week after the fire. The accident had made headlines, but everyone had been distracted by the holidays, and it hadnāt generated the same media storm it wouldāve had it happened any other week of the year.
Iād told my friends what happened and declined Alessandraās offer to spend Christmas with her and Dominic. The only thing worse than being alone on Christmas was being a third wheel.
Isabella and Kai had been in London, and Vivian, Dante, and Josie had gone to Boston to visit Vivianās mother, so the last thing Iād expected when my doorbell rang that afternoon was to see my three best friends crowded in the doorway, armed with enough popcorn and wine to fell an elephant.
Itād been the only bright spot of my week.
While Isabella searched for a new movie, Vivian regarded me with quiet concern. āHave you talked to Xavier since Saturday?ā she asked gently.
The question scraped against exposed wounds, and I shook my head, refusing to meet her eyes.
āDo you want to talk to him?ā
Again, I shook my head, this time with less conviction.
Xavier and I hadnāt talked or messaged since I walked away after the fire, not even to wish each other a merry Christmas. Part of me had been tempted to reach out first, make sure he was okay, and apologize for overstepping, but pride and self-preservation stopped me every time I picked up my phone.
Maybe our not talking was for the best. Obviously, I didnāt know how to comfort him properly, and my presence made things worse instead of better.
āYou have to talk to him eventually.ā This time, Alessandra was the one who spoke. āYour dating trial is expiring soon.ā
Pain cleaved through me. āI know.ā