I laughed.

“Yeah, you’re right. But aren’t you the one who always makes sure we have whiskey and a blanket? You seem to always be prepared.”

“True,” Adam chuckled. “But I’ll tell you something that I was not prepared for.”

“What?” I asked out of curiosity.

“I wasn’t prepared for you to choose Michael.”

It felt as if my heart had gotten stuck in the bottom of my throat for a second. I thought we were over this. I thought that my decision was accepted now and that we were all just moving on. It wasn’t that I didn’t still have feelings for Adam, because I did. But I knew that it was Michael that I would be with and it was time for all of us to move on from the days of all being together—even if a part of me still wanted to stay wrapped up in those times.

“I mean, I was surprised at the beginning, when you first chose him,” Adam clarified. “I realize that there’s been some back and forth with all of the weird circumstances. But I really thought that when you went to make that choice, that it would be me.”

“You did?” I asked, acting as if I was completely shocked by it when in fact, I wasn’t. There had always been a small part of me that had teetered on the edge of choosing Adam. I had in my heart always known that it would be Michael, but I would have been lying if I didn’t admit to at least having considered the fact that the pull toward Adam was a strong one. I think that Adam knew it too. I think that’s what made it so hard for him to accept. He knew that it was almost him.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he said as he cozied up against my shoulder.

“If I hadn’t chosen anyone, if I had wanted to stay together with all of us, would you have been okay with that?” I asked.

Adam took in a deep sigh and then tilted his head against mine. It felt cozy, as if we were the oldest and best friends in the world. It felt like a place that I never wanted to leave. In the back of my mind, a thought echoed. I wanted him to say no. I wanted Adam to tell me that he would never have accepted the possibility of all of us staying together, because I knew that Michael never would. I wanted to know that it wouldn’t have ever been a possibility by any stretch of the imagination because I didn’t want to be tormented by the chance that maybe, just maybe, it could have been that way.

“Yes,” he said with a sweet certainty. “I would have accepted anything just to be with you.”

He closed his eyes as the whiskey started to take its soothing and sleep-inducing effect after a long and physically tedious trek through the mountains, and for a small second, I thought about it. But then I realized that there was only one answer that I needed to know, and that was Michael’s. He couldn’t have lived with it, and I couldn’t live without him.

Michael came back in with an armful of firewood and started a cozy fire. Before we settled in for the night, we packed our bags—one backpack each. This time, it wasn’t packed for just survival. This time, it was packed with the intention of never returning here again. We grabbed our passports, and I tucked my mother’s note into the interior pocket of my backpack. I had a couple of photos that I tucked safely inside as well; one of them was of Julian and I when we were in high school. Damn I still missed him so much. That stupid quote about time dulling pain and making things easier was obviously written by someone who hadn’t known real pain.

I looked over and saw Michael trying to shove one of the fur blankets into his backpack and it looked like it was taking up the entire space in the pack.

“Why are you bringing that?” I asked him. “I thought you said we should only bring the things that are the most important to us.”

“This is one of the most important possessions I have,” he said.

I smiled. “Because of the nights that we made love under the stars?” I asked as I reminisced about some of the most sensual moments that we had together.

“No,” he said. “Because it was the night that you left.”

My smile quickly reverted into a frown and I felt my eyebrows squeeze together until they hurt.

“Why would you want to remember that night?” I asked. “I try to forget about it on an almost daily basis.”

I tried not to beat myself up over that decision of having left them that night, but it does still continue to haunt me.

“Because that was the night that I truly realized that I couldn’t live without you. After that night, I vowed that I would never again let you go. This blanket reminds me of both how much I love you, and how close I was to losing you. It keeps me sharp and makes me feel.”

I wasn’t really sure how to take that explanation, or whether it was a good thing or not. But if the blanket was important enough for him to fill the space in his one bag with, then it was definitely important enough not to leave behind.

“Well, I’m glad you’re bringing it,” I smiled. “I love making love you beneath that blanket and I can’t wait to have countless intimate nights under the stars of whatever sky we end up beneath once we finally figure out where we are going.”

“Me too,” he said as he stopped trying to shove the blanket in and came over to kiss me lightly on the forehead.

“Alright, enough of the mushy shit,” Adam said as he came out of the bedroom with his bag packed. “You guys all packed?”

“Yeah,” I said as I looked around the cabin and felt fairly satisfied that I had gotten everything of utmost importance.

“You?” I asked.

“Almost,” he said as he shoved the last of the whiskey into the side of his backpack.

“Really?” I asked. “You can buy whiskey anywhere.”

“You’re assuming that we won’t be on the run and having to hide from sight every minute of this journey,” Adam said. “Besides, if things get too hairy and it doesn’t look good, the three of us are going to have a final shot together before whatever end we meet.”

“Damn, that was pretty dark,” I said. “Even for you.”

“Just keeping it real,” Adam grinned as he tried to lighten the mood a bit after delving deep into the depths of what a bad idea this might turn out to be. “What is he doing?”

Adam tilted his head toward Michael, who was still wrestling with trying to make the entire thick blanket fit into his backpack.

“Best not to ask I think,” I giggled.

When the bags were packed, we went into bed to lie down. There were only a few hours left until morning and I got the feeling that this was the last solid chunk of peaceful sleep that we would be getting for a few days. Our plan was as well thought out as it could be, but it was also completely crazy and ridiculously risky.

“Do you think we’re going to make it?” I asked in a quiet whisper as I laid curled up between them on the bed.

I liked this cabin and it made me sad to think that this was the last time that the three of us would ever lay here together again.

“Hard to say,” Adam answered honestly. “But no matter what happens, we’ll give it as big of a push as we can.”

“Michael?” I asked, searching from an answer from him too.

He laid quietly beside me for a few minutes. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest and hear his slow breathing as he thought before giving me an answer.

“I think it’s a good idea and a solid plan,” he said finally. “It’s smart to do something bold and brash, and there’s a decent chance that they won’t expect it and that it will work. Are there a million ways that it could completely blow up in our faces? Yes. But there’s at least a couple of very feasible chances that it won’t. None of the cops will be expecting it. Rob definitely won’t be expecting it. And that all works to our advantage.”

He rolled to his side and stared straight into my eyes as he continued to speak.

“Just promise me one thing, Lisette,” he said with a heavy weight to his voice. “If we don’t get back to you within the time frame that we discussed, you need to leave.”

“You know I can’t do that,” I said. “I won’t ever leave you again. If something goes wrong, then it goes wrong for all of us. I’m not leaving you guys behind.”

“Adam,” Michael said as he looked over my shoulder and tried to get Adam to back him up on this.

“Sorry, man,” he said with a shrug that I could feel against my shoulder. “I’m with Lisette on this one. It’s all or nothing with the three of us at this point.”

Michael’s gaze looked back at him as he sighed. I think he knew that was the answer he was going to get from me even before he asked it, but he had to give it a try anyway.