“Because,” she said with a shrug. “Maybe it would be fun if you were the father. I don’t really get attention from anyone anymore. I think I’d like to believe that you are the father of my baby. Then maybe you and I could live happily ever after together.”
“Sarah,” Michael said slowly. “You know that I’m not the father, right?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I remember the guy that I had sex with, and he wasn’t you. But I think that now I’m going to decide that you are. This is all much more fun than I thought it would be.”
“You can’t just decide that I’m the father. That’s not how it works,” Michael said with disbelief and frustration at how crazy Sarah was acting.
I guess she wasn’t kidding when she said she was mental. She really was certifiable, and this proved it. All of a sudden, I started to feel like I was in way over my head here. What was I thinking when I thought I could run this place and help people without actually knowing what I was doing or having any tangible experience in the field of mental health? This was a disaster.
“Sarah, please,” Michael said as his tone changed to one of compassion.
He was still angry and frustrated, but I think he knew that Sarah was ill and that she had been manipulated without the cognitive ability to realize it. I was so angry at Adam, not only for lying to me, but also for using this poor woman. Granted, I was angry at her too. I was angry at everyone; everyone except for Michael. I owed him an apology. I shouldn’t have doubted him for even a second.
“You need to stop lying about this. We can get you all the help that you and your baby will need,” Michael offered.
“I don’t need help,” she said. “I need a father for my baby, and I’ll choose you.”
Michael was silent. I don’t think that there was really anything he could have said to her that would have made a difference at this point. Sarah was confused and she saw the opportunity to try to get the attention she needed and the affection that she wanted. She wasn’t going to budge. The only way to get this all cleared up was to get Adam to tell the truth. After what I just heard, I didn’t think there was any that Adam could continue to keep up the lie. I needed to talk to him and find out why he would do something like this; why he would lie to me and betray Michael. Surely, he should have known that the lie wouldn’t be able to be kept up forever. And surely, he would have known that when the lie came due, it would come crashing down gloriously. I was so angry with him, but also so sad.
Adam must have really been hurting to do something like this.
That night in bed, things are beyond awkward and uncomfortable. I was truly surprised that all three guys actually came to bed with me. After what happened today between Michael and Adam, I thought that at least one of them, if not both, would sleep in one of the other bedrooms rather than in the same bed with each other. But neither wanted to leave my side and neither would concede to be the one to leave, so here we were; all curled up together to sleep as if the things that happened during the day didn’t carry over into the night. Maybe we all deserved to be in this group home. Maybe we were all slowly losing our grip on our sanity.
In the middle of the night, Adam had a nightmare that woke me up. I opened my eyes and saw him twitching in his sleep and I rubbed the side of his temple and the spot right at the top of the bridge of his nose until he settled and calmed. Rob was sleeping soundly and didn’t seem to have even noticed Adam’s fretful sleep. I looked over my shoulder when I didn’t feel Michael’s body pressed up against mine as it usually was, and I noticed that he wasn’t there. He had probably gotten out of bed to take a walk because he couldn’t sleep; something that the two of us still had in common, maybe even more so now. I got up to go see if I could find him.
When I walked out into the living room, I saw Michael standing in front of one of the windows just staring out at the night. He was shirtless and had a pair of soft gray joggers on. Those were my favorite pants on him. The drawstring waistband hung just below his hips which gave a teasing taste of what was underneath and showed his muscular and svelte physique. I couldn’t see the front of them from here since his back was facing me, but I knew exactly how it looked when the cozy cotton fabric clung against the bulge that hung between his legs. Just thinking about it made me want to touch him in a way that was hard for me to push from my thoughts. I walked up behind him and gently put my hand on the back of his shoulder.
“Hey,” I said softly.
He didn’t flinch at all, so my presence there must not have surprised him. I guessed that he probably saw my reflection walking toward him in the glass window.
“Hey,” he said as he turned his head toward me and gave me a tired and gentle smile.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me carefully next to him as we stared out the window together.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“For what?”
“For doubting you, even for a second.”
“You never said that you believed Sarah and her lies,” he said.
“I didn’t.”
“Then you have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I should have immediately stood by you more strongly,” I said, feeling bad.
“No,” Michael said as he pulled me even closer to his hip. “You weren’t the one lying here. It’s okay; you and I are okay.”
“Why did he do it?” I asked with tears in my eyes.
It hurt to think that Adam would lie to me and try to hurt us. I never thought in a million years that he would ever lie to my face. I felt so hurt and so stupid.
“He’s hurt,” Michael said.
“You don’t sound as angry at him as you were before,” I said.
“I’m not. How can I be? Adam knows that he’s lost you, at least in terms of being able to have you all to himself and to make love to you. I don’t blame him for trying everything he could to try and get you back. I would have done the same thing.”
“Even if it meant betraying your friend?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Even if it meant lying to me?”
“No,” Michael said as he looked right into my eyes. “That is something that I would never do.”
18
Michael and I ended up staying together in the living room all night and eventually falling asleep on the couch. It was cozy being wrapped in his arms with my legs curled up against him. We talked for a while about things and then let our eyes close and waited to deal with all of the issues that would face us in the morning after getting some rest.
When we woke up in the morning, I wanted to go and confront Adam even before making a cup of coffee. In hindsight, I should have known that was a bad idea. I’m never a morning person, no matter how much sleep I have gotten the night before. I really shouldn’t attempt to talk to anyone or solve any problems before at least one cup of caffeine in the morning. But I couldn’t help wanting to get the matter resolved.
