My jewelry making was pretty much a disaster. I didn’t have the creative skill, or patience, for it. So, I gave up and started sketching instead. I liked doing pencil drawings, rather than color, because I enjoyed their simplicity. It was the perfect hobby for a snowy January.
Sketching also gave me peace. My mind had been going in a million directions lately. Nothing in my life was stable, as always, but in a constant state of unrest. My time with Dream at the commune was ironically probably the most stable time of my life.
At least things with John were at a standstill. I didn’t like him or trust him, but if he left me alone, fine. I wished I could cut off his friendship with Archie, but I didn’t know how. I still wondered if Dream was lurking around or if John had some connection to Listening Lark and was the one sending the strange gifts; but I couldn’t figure out how he would have such an intimate knowledge of my relationship with Dream. None of it made sense. How would he know about those personal things? Only Dream would know. But what did he want? Why drag it out like this? I wished he would just show up in person and get it over with; although as much as I wanted that, I felt sick at the prospect, and weirdly excited.
Archie was acting strange too. Standoffish, unlike him, and distant. I didn’t know why, but wondered if he could sense I was keeping secrets from him. I didn’t want to dredge up old memories from the past. What would he think of me?
I picked up my sketch book lying on the nightstand and walked over to my jewelry box. I lifted the top and stared at the gold locket found in my underwear drawer on Christmas morning. My thoughts traveled back to the other gold locket.
My heart hurt thinking about the intense love I’d had for Dream, different than I had with Archie. With Dream, it was as if we existed on another level of consciousness, the love fortifying every step of our day. Consuming. Intoxicating. Maybe even a little obsessive. Our craving to be with each other was our main purpose in life.
Until it wasn’t.
Over those three years, after Listening Lark, when I languished in Aunt Lou’s house sunk in such sadness, I played my days, our days, at Listening Lark over and over in my mind. Such contrasts, of sunshine and darkness, that in the end swirled together until everything broke apart. Part of me felt guilty because Archie and I didn’t have that sort of love, where you can feel it in your very core; but I was certain I’d never experience that kind of love again in my lifetime. My love for Archie was real, but it was steady and predictable. I guess it was an adult love. Not that what I had with Dream wasn’t real, but it certainly wasn’t based in reality. The whole Listening Lark idea wasn’t based in reality, but it existed. And when it was good, it was so good, all you could ever want. If I had the chance to go back to that time in my life and spend one day in that guesthouse with Dream before everything went wrong, I would do it in an instant. Even now, thinking about it, I don’t know how everything went so badly, so quickly.
How do you love someone so deeply and hate them too? How do you miss someone but never want to see them again? As much as I wished them gone, my feelings, and love, for Dream would never die.
And secretly, I hoped he was back.
The Winter Carnival at Poplin Elementary School was a big event. The gym, filled with various stands, coin toss games, dart games, guessing games, basketball games, basically, many games, plus a face painting booth and photo booth.
Outside the gym, in the cafeteria, were food stands. Typically, goodies like hot dogs, hamburgers, French fries, funnel cakes, and milkshakes. The PTA had a bake sale with various homemade offerings, including my cream cheese brownies.
Archie and I manned the photo booth. There were two sections to it, one an old-fashioned photo booth where you could pay a dollar for a strip of three pictures. And the second part was a designated area where people could take selfies in front of different backgrounds, like an ocean scene, a NYC street, and a scene in front of Poplin Elementary School. The selfie backgrounds were free and most popular. Children and adults both swarmed the various scenes to take a picture.
“Two for the photo booth, please,” a little girl requested. I grinned and took her money. She went into the booth with her friend.
“Make sure to smile, Clara!” Archie said.
“Okay, Mr. Greencastle!” The girl giggled.
“One of your students?” I asked.
“Maybe next year. She’s in second grade. Her sister, Leigh, is in my class this year,” he replied.
“Hey, let’s take a selfie,” I suggested, grabbing my phone.
Archie grabbed my hand. “Okay, NYC, ocean or school?”
“All of them!”
We posed at each background, smiling, then pulling surprise faces, then silly faces. We laughed with each pose and scrolled through the pictures on my phone together.
“Oh, that’s a good one.” Archie pointed to one of the NYC shots. “Send that one to me. I’m putting it in my classroom.”
“Mr. Greencastle!” A group of third-grade girls came over to our booth. “Will you take our picture?”
“Okay.” He took one of the girls’ phones. “You know this is a selfie station, right?”
“We know! We’re taking more than one picture. The rest will be selfies. And take a selfie with all of us, you too!”
“Okay.” He laughed and took the picture. “Me too?”
“Yes!” the girls said in unison.
I laughed and went back to the photo booth where a line was forming. I took the money and the line moved along.
“Hey, Aimee,” a voice said.
I looked up from the cash box and Margie stood in front of me. “Hi, Margie, good to see you!”
“Thank you again for inviting us to your New Year’s Eve party. We had so much fun.” She smiled.
“I’m so glad,” I replied. “Are you doing the photo booth?”
“We were, but Doug got distracted by something,” she said. “But that’s okay. I want to talk to you about something anyway.”
“Okay, um… do you want to talk now?”
“Probably nothing, but I wanted to mention it to you. Robin told you how weird John was when I wouldn’t go out with him, right? This was before I was seeing Doug.”
“She did.” I nodded. “She said he was… kind of stalking you?”
“Yes, it seemed like that, until I started dating Doug,” Margie said. “Anyway, I was driving past your house a few times the last couple of weeks. My aunt lives out your way. Last week, I noticed John’s truck parked on the dirt lane down the road from you, and he was walking out of the small woods across from your house.”
“Okay.” I stared at her.
“Then this week, I saw the truck again, parked in that dirt lane. I drove very slowly past the woods. He was in the trees, crouched down, and I swear he had binoculars pointed toward your house.”
“Really?” I raised my eyebrows. Anger flickered inside me. This guy doesn’t stop. “That is strange.”
“I thought so and that’s why I wanted to tell you. Maybe it’s nothing, I hope it’s nothing. At first, I thought he might be hunting rabbits, which he sometimes does there. That’s Robin’s parents’ land and they don’t mind if he hunts there, but I don’t think he had a rifle.”
“Hmmm… I’m glad you told me,” I said. “I really appreciate it and if you see anything else odd, please let me know.”
“Most definitely.” Margie looked around. “Now I just need to find Doug. He’s probably by the funnel cake stand.”
I lay on the sofa flicking through Netflix and found nothing I was interested in watching, despite the many, many choices. Archie was at school today and I felt lazy. Honestly, I’d barely got out of bed the last few days. Maybe having a few months off from the store wasn’t a good idea for me. Some of those old feelings resurfaced for me, and I did not want to be pulled down to a state where I couldn’t even rise in the morning. I needed to make an appointment with my psychiatrist in Philly and perhaps get back on the medicine that helped me clear the chaos in my brain. Things had been good for the last few years, and I’d stopped taking it. My life was such a whirlwind for a while, especially after meeting Archie, then Aunt Lou’s death, getting married, buying our little farm, and settling in Poplin. But now things had slowed. I had too much time on my hands. And too many worries.
I’d told Archie what Margie said about John, and he’d brushed it off. Shouldn’t he be concerned about this odd friend of his? How did he not see John’s strangeness? He should always take my side. I was his wife! Anger surged through me thinking about it now.
This perfect life I thought we were creating in Poplin suddenly didn’t feel so perfect anymore. Had I just been caught up in the idea of it? I thought this would be my second chance at happiness and I was happy, for a time. But I still held the hope of being happy again. I felt so out of sorts. I needed to focus on the facts. Those facts being John sneaking around in the woods across the road. What did he think he was going to see with his binoculars? It was a cold January with snow on the ground. The only time we were outside was to feed the chickens, walk to the car or shovel snow. Or was he waiting for the house to be empty, so that he could leave another unsettling gift for me?
I picked up my phone and called Dr. Daly. I needed to get back to feeling good, mentally, and physically, to stay on top of things.
FORTY-THREE2017
The Commune
