The black sequined crop top goes well with it, so I pop that on. Then I scurry out of the closet to see myself in the full-length mirror in my bedchamber.
A smile stretches across my lips as I twist from side to side and make the skirt swish.
What should I do with my hair? Bunches, I think. I grab the hairbrush and some ties from my dresser and get to work. I wonder if Felford would mind if I grew my hair out even more? I’d love to have ponytails. I think they could look really cute.
My hands finish their work and fall to my hips. My reflection stares back at me. My true reflection. I’m seeing the real me and it is wonderful.
“Lucien! Why aren’t you answering your phone? Are you alright?”
Felford’s panicked voice bellows from my sitting room. My heart freezes and my mind stutters to a halt. There is no time. No time to hide. No time to do anything at all. This moment is inevitable. It feels like I have been hurtling towards it my entire life and there is not a thing I can do to stop it.
I whirl to face my bedchamber door just as Felford strides in. The wall smacks into my back as I scuttle backwards into it.
Felford falls as still as a statue. His eyes grow impossibly wide. His mouth drops open into a silent ‘O’.
There is nowhere for me to hide. No way I can deny a thing. My husband has discovered one of my deepest secrets.
My hands twist in my skirt. Shame and fear are fighting within me, and I have no idea which one is going to win.
“Are you a girl?” asks Felford softly.
Oh my. If the floor could swallow me up right now, that would be perfect. My hands reflexively cover my groin. Shame is going to burn me alive. It has won over my fear.
“No,” I croak.
I don’t need to say that he knows that, because surely I don’t need to remind him that he was playing with my cock a few hours ago?
Felford points at my cupped hands. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
Shock pulls my gaze up to his. He doesn’t look angry or outraged or disgusted. Simply surprised. But that can’t be right.
“Being born with one of those doesn’t mean…” he tails off, but I interrupt him anyway.
“I’m a boy!” I say, far too sharply. But the thought of him getting the wrong idea is just too awful to bear. Now that he has discovered me, he might as well know the full truth. “I…just like to look pretty.” Oh gods, could I be anymore presumptuous? “I mean, I like to wear pretty things!”
Felford’s gaze rakes over me. It assesses. It lingers. It makes me tingle all over.
“You do look beautiful,” he says.
My heart goes crazy and my knees go weak. I lick my dry lips, but I have no earthly idea what to say. He is acting like he wouldn’t care if I was trans. He is acting as if he is fine about the way I like to dress. More than fine. He is looking at me as if he wishes to devour me. In a good way. A very good way indeed.
This has to be a dream. Maybe I fell asleep in the bath and now I am drowning.
Felford clears his throat. “You may dress in any way you please. You don’t need to hide in here.”
“The staff!” I gasp.
“Won’t say a word,” assures Felford.
“But…but,” I stammer. I’m truly floundering now. Lost at sea. With no compass or stars to guide me. “My parents might find out!” I squeal.
Felford growls. He steps forward and his eyes darken. “You don’t belong to them anymore. You belong to me.”
Now my stomach has joined in with all my other organs that are trying to kill me. Everything is fluttering and thumping and twisting. I’m going to be nothing but goo in a moment.
I belong to Felford. He wishes to keep me safe from my parents. I cannot wrap my head around all of this. It is too big. Too life changing.
“What are your pronouns?” asks Felford.
And my eyes nearly pop out of my head. He keeps coming with the world altering statements. Did he really just say that? I never thought in a million years that he would know of such things, let alone be supportive of them.
“He. Him,” I whisper.
He nods his calm acceptance.
Is this really happening? It can’t be happening? Am I truly free from my parents? Is my husband allowing me to be myself?
“And your name?” asks Felford gently.
My cheeks are burning. I open my mouth. Close it. Lick my lips. Open my mouth again.
“Luci,” I say in a shaky and timid voice. It’s terrifying to say that name out loud, but oh so wonderful at the same time. It has existed only in the privacy of my mind up until now. Setting it free feels glorious.
Felford smiles. A big warm smile.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Luci.”
Oh, my. I think I’m going to faint.
