“I can’t go back,” Stranna whispers. “I can’t keep doing this.” Her hand holds her neck like she still feels the blade splitting the skin.

A noxior slit her throat in the Arena, and the mob probably cheered. Yet here she is, alive. Since somehow the death that happens to her in the Nightmare doesn’t carry over to real life. I already suspected as much from when I killed her, but it’s different witnessing it from this side.

Jules hurries to the other beds and checks the pulse of each occupant. Someone behind me steps forward, and I catch his face.

“Erik?” I probably shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but the last time I saw him, a tiro stabbed him in the chest. I watched him cough his way into the grave.

He grins, but it’s pained. “That was my second time.”

“Don’t tell him anything,” Jules snaps at Erik. “This was all his fault.”

I wince.

“Don’t.” Stranna seems to be catching her breath. “Don’t pin all the blame on Cain. He’s only searching. I don’t think he’s the enemy.”

Jules sniffs. “I’ll need the names of the kids who are captured.”

“Some are ours. Some are Jeremy’s. It all happened so fast . . . I’ll write them down. But, Erik, I have Heidi’s information. She’s close. You need to . . .” Stranna’s eyes go to me, and she changes the course of her words. “Jules, I can’t think. I need food.”

“Yes. Of course.” Jules flits from one end of the room to the other, flustered, then finally ends up in the doorway. “I’ll set some out. Take your time. You know how it always is—you’ll feel better in about an hour.”

Almost as an afterthought, she grabs a book from a shelf next to the door and hands it to Stranna. “Come down when you’re ready. We’ll talk. Meanwhile, I’ll prepare a message for Erik to take to Jeremy.”

Jules looks like she wants to say more. The panic of slipping time hangs heavy in the room. Every minute spent awake is five minutes in Tenebra. They’re losing ground. The kids are being sent to the Arena as we speak.

I have a feeling the kids don’t wake the same way the Adelphoi adults do.

Stranna was wrong. This is my fault.

Jules leaves, and Stranna and I are left in a tense silence. I can almost predict what’s coming next, and I’m not wrong.

“Cain, what did you do?” Stranna clutches the book to her stomach. She looks about to cry, the moment of embrace we recently shared is a thing of the past. “Did you betray us so quickly?” Her voice breaks.

I drop my head. “They followed me. I was a fool.”

“You couldn’t tell that an entire army was following you?”

“Neither could you from up on that phoenix,” I retort, though I regret it immediately because her face falls.

“You’re right.”

I don’t expect her to trust me. Not now, not ever. And she’d be right not to. I’ve been playing both sides since we met all because of Luc’s offer of a LifeSuPod. But the Adelphoi seem to have life that would keep my spirit alive.

This betrayal—all but handing Luc the Adelphois’ location—feels like I killed Stranna all over again. This time with a noxior’s hands instead of my own.

“He’s going to kill them all.” Stranna flumps back against her pillow and closes her eyes. “You shouldn’t be in here, Cain.”

“Why not?”

“Because already you’re learning names. Faces. You’ll compromise the rest of us. Maybe even try to kill us.”

“I’m not going to betray any of you.” Again. “I want to help.”

“How can you?” She looks at me. “This is your last Awake.”

The reminder jolts me. I don’t have a watch anymore, but I can already tell that ten minutes at least have passed. Yet something grounds me to Stranna’s bedside. Not roots from my soles, but a desire to stay.

“Are you okay?” I need to leave, but I want to hear her tell me yes before I do.

“It’s . . . a lot on the emotions.”

“Dying?” I try to joke.

She manages a wobbly smile. “Not much fun, but at least it’s fast.”

“What does it matter if the Emperor captures you or kills you? You all just wake up here, it seems.”

“If you were one of us, you’d understand.”

I gaze at her for a moment, then whisper, “I want to be.” Tell me how.

She gives me a sad smile, like she feels bad for me but knows I can never be a part of them. Something inside me crumbles as another hope for home and life is denied me. They dragged Erik into their ranks. At first I pitied him. Now I envy him. Why won’t they drag me too?

Stranna throws back the covers. “I’m hungry. Have you eaten?”

“No.” I offer my hand to help her up. To my surprise, she takes it. It’s comical, really, as we both wobble, but then Stranna lets go and keeps her feet. She wears blue-jean overalls and a white T-shirt similar to those I saw in the closet. I’m glad someone changed her out of her bloodied and torn clothes. I’m equally glad no one tried to do that with me.

“How did you get a message to Jules when she’s Above and you were in Tenebra?”

“Jules was dying in the Nightmare—she’d been stabbed trying to stop the Tunnel cart. I told her what you told me about the landfill and coordinates. When she woke up here, she was able to send help.”

“So if you’re a Spore, you just wake up in the Real World when you die?”

She shrugs. “Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes it’s our time to go.”

“So every time you die, it’s like Russian roulette. You don’t know which death will be your last?”

“Basically.”

“That’s sick.”

“That’s grace.”

I give her a side-eye and choke on another question. Grace? To never know which death will be your last? It’s a twisted game, that’s what it is.

“I don’t expect you to understand.”

There are too many questions to keep swallowing, especially right now when Stranna seems willing to give me answers. “Nole was like you, all . . . faithful. But he died in the Nightmare and didn’t wake up.”