“My wife is obsessed with that show,” Nat says. “But I think it’s a bore.”
But Suz doesn’t care. Suz will watch anything when the Little Worm is sitting quietly on her lap. “I literally watched seven hours of Wife Swap the other day because she had stopped crying and I didn’t want to move the Little Worm and get the remote.”
“The Little Worm?” Phoebe asks.
“That’s what Suz calls her child,” Nat says. “And why I, for one, am now no longer sure I want a child.”
“This whole time the Little Worm has been your child?” Marla asks.
“I should check on her, actually.” Suz reaches for her bag.
“How far are we?” Lila asks again.
According to Waze, they are only a tenth of a mile away from the wharf.
“I bet it’s a beautiful fucking wharf,” Suz says.
“If we ever get there,” Marla says.
“Of course we’ll get there,” Nat says.
“Waze says twenty minutes,” Phoebe says.
“But it’s right there?” Lila says. “How can that take twenty minutes?”
Suz looks up from her phone. “Shit. The Little Worm is sick.”
“Oh, no,” Lila says, but nobody in the car asks with what.
THEY SIT IN traffic for so long, Phoebe learns that each woman specializes in something. Suz, the trainer, specializes in celebrities. Nat, the musician, specializes in nontraditional plucking instruments like quarters and paper clips. And Marla, the lawyer, specializes in sexual harassment. She hears cases about whether something is or is not sexual harassment, and the women are intrigued.
“I didn’t know someone actually decided that,” Suz says.
“What did you think happened?” Marla asks.
“I don’t know, I guess I never thought about it.”
Then everyone starts wanting to know if they have been legally sexually harassed or not. Even Phoebe.
“On Monday, the Americanist in my department looked at me at the printer and said, ‘Woweeee! Nice dress!’” Phoebe says. “Is that sexual harassment?”
“If you think you are being sexually harassed, you are,” Marla says.
Phoebe didn’t think it was harassment at the time, because the Americanist was so old, in that abyss of age just beyond sex, but also because she agreed with him. Yes, the dress was nice. That’s why she bought it. That’s why she wore it. That’s what she wanted her husband to think! She wanted him to look at her and say, Woweeee, nice dress!
“So why would I be offended when the Americanist finally said it?” Phoebe asks.
“Of course the Americanist was the one who said it,” Marla says.
“What’s an Americanist?” Suz asks.
“What do you do?” Nat asks.
“I’m a professor,” Phoebe says.
“A nineteenth centuryist,” Lila says, sounding proud.
“My point is, Phoebe,” Marla continues, as if she were actually providing legal counsel, “if you weren’t offended, you weren’t sexually harassed. That’s how the law works.”
“That doesn’t sound like the law,” Suz says.
“The law is partially subjective,” Marla says. “Would you have complimented the Americanist’s outfit?”
“No,” Phoebe says. “Never. But mostly because the Americanist just wears the same thing every day. Dockers and some blue shirt. I mean. What do you even say about that?”
“I have a lot to stay about that,” Lila says.
All the women laugh. Phoebe picks up speed. They lower the top again. Suz turns up the music. Katy Perry. “Teenage Dream.” “I hate this song,” Marla says, and they all agree that yes, they kind of hate this song, yet listen to it anyway. They finally get to the sign that says WELCOME TO BOWEN’S WHARF. Everybody on the street looks like they’re on vacation. Khakis and Nantucket reds. Soft baseball caps. Maybe they are all on vacation, or maybe this is just how you dress if you live in Newport. Phoebe parks.
“Lila! I can’t believe you’re getting married!” Suz shouts.
AT THE WHARF, all the men are dressed in polo shirts and khaki shorts except for one: the man from the hot tub. He stands there in his jeans and windbreaker with keys in his hand. It’s weird to see him dressed, in daylight, out in the open. He is no longer a man in a hot tub. He is taller than she expected and looks very prepared to get on a boat.
“Gary!” Lila shouts.
He kisses Lila, and everyone claps like they did on the patio last night. He pulls away, smiling, until he sees Phoebe.
“Hello,” he says, giving her a puzzled look.
