“You can put that in dry rice and it’ll be fine,” Lila says. “I’m sure Pauline can get you some from the kitchen. Want me to call?”
“No,” Phoebe says.
Phoebe is not worried about the phone. Phoebe is more worried about how Lila got in here. But Lila just starts talking.
“God, I don’t know how Gary is related to Marla,” Lila says. “Could you believe Marla today? Honestly, the Vacation in a Cup thing. I don’t even know why I bother being so nice to her. And Juice, too. It’s like they hate me! They probably do hate me. And fine, I get it. I’m really fucking rich. I know it’s annoying. But I’m not rude to people. I’m not a bitch like Marla! And I know I’m not supposed to call another woman that, but what am I supposed to do if she’s just a bitch?”
Phoebe stares in disbelief as Lila sits down on the tiny black bathroom chair, which suddenly looks like it was put there just so Lila could sit on it and call people bitches.
“She was even worse at the cocktail party tonight,” Lila says. “I coughed, because I got some vodka down the wrong pipe, and Marla looked at me and was like, I’m sorry, but you just can’t cough like that in public anymore. And I said nothing, of course. Because she’s going to be my sister-in-law. I am going to have to spend the rest of the week with her. I mean, the rest of my life, technically. Though we don’t have to spend every holiday together. Like, we get Halloween to ourselves, right?”
The tub is cold again. Phoebe turns on the hot water, but it’s too hot and burns Phoebe’s fingers. This is how it happens. She just lets people around her do what they want. She doesn’t call them on their shit. She pretends like she has no needs, like it’s just fine to walk into her room when she was in the middle of trying to have an orgasm.
“How did you get in here?” Phoebe asks.
“I have a key,” Lila says.
“You have a key?”
“Yeah, I got a key when I booked the room for the week,” Lila says.
“Okay,” Phoebe says. “But that doesn’t mean you can just walk in on me while I’m in the middle of taking a bath.”
“Oh, I don’t mind you being naked,” Lila says, staring directly at Phoebe’s breasts. “I lived in a dorm room all my life. Seeing a naked woman is basically like seeing wallpaper.”
“That wasn’t my point, either,” Phoebe says.
“Then what’s the point?”
“The point is, I was about to have an orgasm!”
“In the water? That actually works?”
“Now we’ll never know, will we?”
“And my life is not perfect. Have you even been listening to a word I’ve been saying?”
“I have, yes,” Phoebe says. “You have a sister-in-law who doesn’t want to get Covid. A mother who is not dead and in attendance at your wedding. Not to mention a fiancé who is really wonderful.”
“Oh my God, not you, too,” Lila says. “You sound like Nat and Suz.”
“Nat and Suz are right,” Phoebe says. “He’s wonderful.”
“What do you think is so wonderful about him?”
“Don’t you already know what’s wonderful about him?”
“Of course I know. But it’s more interesting to hear what you think is wonderful.”
Lila waits.
“Please?”
“He’s sincere,” Phoebe says, because if Lila wants honesty, she will get honesty. “He seems to accept that people are, well, human.”
“Okay,” Lila says, clearly unsatisfied. “But what else?”
“He’s smart. But he’s curious, too. A lifelong learner type.”
“A lifelong learner?”
“He’s engaged with the world. Like he’s on a mission to know it better. And he’s funny, but not in-your-face funny. Just in that dry kind of way that’s hard to notice at first, because he looks more friendly than funny, but once you do, you can’t stop seeing it.”
“But do you think he’s attractive?” Lila asks.
“You want to know if I think your fiancé is attractive?”
“I’m curious what you see.”
“Yes, I think he’s attractive,” Phoebe says, and it feels good to admit it out loud. Especially to Lila. “Very attractive, actually.”
This seems to please Lila, but then she looks momentarily doubtful. “Even with the beard?”
“The beard is maybe the best part.”
“But it’s gray.”
“A sexy kind of gray.”
