“I know. But he’s going to be raising them for the next six years.”
“So you’d give up someone perfect because his life took a shit turn and he ended up having to raise some kids.”
“Uh, I think you’re simplifying it a bit.”
“You are unreal.” She shook her head at me. “You’re just looking for a reason, any reason, to disqualify him.”
I scoffed. “So him having three kids isn’t a big enough reason? If I saw that on a dating profile, I would have swiped left. I’ve never dated men with kids, ever. That’s a conscious choice I make.”
“You don’t want anything that can’t fit in your luggage.” She stared at me like she’d just had an epiphany. “The lengths you will go to stay living in the chaos you’re accustomed to—”
I rolled my eyes. “What chaos?”
“The chaos you grew up in! This whole life you’ve made—the travel nursing and the constant moving—you’re reliving your childhood,” she said. “Doing it in a safe way you can control. You slap the word ‘adventure’ on it like lipstick on a pig, but it is what it is, just another way to keep you from ever belonging to anywhere or anyone.”
“Really?” I looked at her, amused. “First of all, there is nothing wrong with me liking to travel. It’s maybe the one thing my childhood set me up for that I don’t hate. And there’s also nothing wrong with me making practical life choices. I’ve known Justin for like five minutes. So I what? Give up my career and jazz hands my way into his fragile, grieving family hoping it works out between us? Me and this guy I just met? And if it doesn’t work out? How will that affect these kids, who just lost their mom on the tail end of losing their dad?”
“Keep it separate. Don’t go over there. Don’t mix your life with theirs until you’re sure.”
I laughed. “He is a full-time parent now. A full-time single parent. He’s not going to get weekends when the kids are off with their mom and we can go do things. If I’m not willing to be around the kids, I’ll never see him. What would even be the point of staying here? For the once or twice a month when he can get away? Anyone dating him is going to be doing soccer games and pizza nights in the breakfast nook while they help Sarah with homework. I mean, look at today. And honestly, he shouldn’t even be dating anyone right now, he should be getting adjusted.”
She jabbed a finger at me. “Not your decision to make.” She looked me in the eye. “That is a good man. You are going to fuck up if you let that go.”
“What exactly has Justin done to warrant this unwavering support from you? I thought you wanted him dead.”
“I think he might be The One.”
I cracked up.
“I’m serious,” she said. “You’re in denial. You’re blushing and acting like a lovesick teenager. I’ve known you half your life. I have never seen you look at someone like that.” She started ticking off on her fingers. “First he gets you to come to Minnesota, then you go over there when you’re small and you meet his family. At this point I’m convinced the man could sell you an MLM.”
“I had very rational reasons to do all of those things,” I said.
“He’s chivalrous,” she said, going on. “He stayed with you during the Amber/Neil Lobster Lovefest. He gives you butterflies. He’s awakened something inside of your cold, dead heart.”
“Oh wow, thanks.”
“You need to jump on this before it’s too late.”
“Too late for what? What’s going to happen? If I don’t find someone to love me I shall remain forever a beast?” I made a fake scared face.
She narrowed her eyes at me.
“Do I like him? Yes. Am I attracted to him? Also yes. Did he sort of ask me today to stay in Minnesota longer? He did. But his lifestyle is not for me. It’s not a fit. I can acknowledge that I like him while also being practical enough to know it won’t work out. That’s what dating is for, to see if you’re compatible. We’re not.”
She cocked her head. “He asked you to stay?”
“He asked me to sign another contract. Yes.”
“And you said?”
“The truth. That it’s your turn to pick and I had to promise you two turns just to get you to come here.”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh hell no. You’re not putting this shit on me.”
“Did I lie? It is your turn.”
She put a hand to her chest. “Let’s be very clear here. I am not the obstacle in the way of your happiness. That person is you.”
“Okay, Maddy. Noted.”
She studied me for a moment. Then she looked forward and put the car in drive. She drove out of the mall’s parking garage and started to navigate the streets without another word.
“Are you mad?” I asked.
“No.”
“You look mad.”
“I’m not. It just… sucks. He’s a nice guy.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He is. But it is what it is.”
And you know what? It really did suck. Because she was right. I did like him.
Maybe Justin was the right guy, at the wrong time. Maybe if I’d met him a few years ago, or six years from now, when his mom was coming home, it would be a different story. But it wasn’t.
In a few weeks I was going to leave. It was what we’d agreed upon. Four dates, one kiss, and a breakup. Just for the summer.
