"I know," she said, "but no matter what I choose I have to live with it. Forever. I haveto be able to go forward and not look back anymore. Can you understand that?"
He shook his head and tried to keep his voice steady. "Not really. Not if it means losingyou. I can't do that again."
She didn't say anything but lowered her head. Noah went on:
"Could you really leave me without looking back?"
She bit her lip as she answered. Her voice was beginning to crack. "I don't know.
Probably not."
"Would that be fair to Lon?"
She didn't answer right away. Instead she stood, wiped her face, and walked to theedge of the porch where she leaned against the post. She crossed her arms andwatched the water before answering quietly.
"No."
"It doesn't have to be like this, Allie," he said. "We're adults now, we have thechoice we didn't have before. We're meant to be together. We always have been."
He walked to her side and put his hand on her shoulder. "I don't want to live therest of my life thinking about you and dreaming of what might have been. Stay withme, Allie."
Tears began to fill her eyes. "I don't know if I can," she finally whispered.
"You can. Allie... I can't live my life happily knowing you're with someone else.
That would kill a part of me. What we have is rare. It's too beautiful to just throwit away."
She didn't respond. After a moment he gently turned her toward him, took herhands, and stared at her, willing her to look at him. Allie finally faced him with moisteyes. After a long silence, Noah brushed the tears from her cheeks with his fingers, alook of tenderness on his face. His voice caught as he saw what her eyes were tellinghim.
"You're not going to stay, are you?" He smiled weakly. "You want to, but you can't."
"Oh, Noah," she said as the tears began
again, "please try to understand " He
shook his head to stop her.
"I know what you're trying to say‐‐I can see it in your eyes. But I don't want tounderstand it, Allie. I don't want it to end this way. I don't want it to end at all. But ifyou leave, we both know we'll never see each other again."
She leaned into him and began to cry harder as Noah fought back his own tears. Hewrapped his arms around her.
"Allie, I can't force you to stay with me. But no matter what happens in my life,I'll never forget these last couple of days with you. I've been dreaming about thisfor years."
He kissed her gently, and they embraced as they had when she first got out of her cartwo days ago. Finally Allie let him go and wiped her tears.
"I have to get my things, Noah."
He didn't go inside with her. Instead he sat down in the rocker, spent. He watchedher go into the house and listened as the sound of her movements faded into nothing.
She emerged from the house minutes later with everything she'd brought andwalked toward him with her head down. She handed him the drawing she had doneyesterday morning. As he took it, he noticed that she hadn't stopped crying. "Here,Noah. I made this for you."
Noah took the drawing and unrolled it slowly, careful not to tear it.
There were dual images, one overlapping the other. The image in the foreground,which occupied most of the page, was a picture of how he looked now, not fourteenyears ago. Noah noticed that she had penciled in every detail of his face, including thescar. It was almost as if she'd copied it from a recent photograph.
The second image was that of the front of the house. The detail there was alsoincredible, as if she had sketched it while sitting beneath the oak tree.
"It's beautiful, Allie. Thank you." He attempted a smile. "I told you that you werean artist." She nodded, her face cast downward, her lips pressed together. It wastime for her to go.
They walked to her car slowly, without speaking. When they reached it, Noahembraced her again until he could feel the tears welling up in his own eyes. He kissedher lips and both cheeks, then with his finger softly brushed the places he'd kissed.
"I love you, Allie."
"I love you, too."
Noah opened her car door, and they kissed one more time. Then she slid behind thewheel, never taking her eyes from him. She put the packet of letters and thepocketbook
next to her on the seat and fumbled for the keys, then turned the ignition. It startedeasily, and the engine began to turn over impatiently. It was almost time.
Noah pushed her door closed with both hands, and Allie rolled down the window. Shecould see the muscles in his arms, the easy smile, the tanned face. She reached outher hand and Noah took it for just a moment, moving his fingers softly against herskin. "Stay with me,"
Noah mouthed without sound, and this for some reason hurt more than Allie wouldhave expected. The tears began to fall hard now, but she couldn't speak. Finally,reluctantly, she looked away and pulled her hand from his. She put the car in gearand eased the pedal down just a bit. If she didn't leave now, she never would.
Noah backed up just a bit as the car started to roll away.
He fell into an almost trancelike state as he felt the reality of the situation.
He watched the car roll slowly forward; he heard the gravel crunching under thewheels.
