“Oh.” Three months more of non-stop crying. She could think of nothing to counter with. “Where’s Mike?”
“He took Bobby outside to play. We wanted to go to the Cape for a couple of weeks before the season starts, but I don’t have the desire or the energy.”
To her dismay, Jen heard her sister start to cry. Mostly about how tired she was and that she needed to get some sleep.
“I have an idea, Lis, and don’t react immediately. How about calling in a baby nurse for a few weeks, just so you can get back to yourself?”
“Now you sound like Mike! But Brianna’s my baby! I don’t want some stranger taking care of her. Mom never had a nurse for you or any of us, not even the twins.”
Jen stopped breathing for a moment. Her big, strong sister wasn’t immune to allowing the past ruin the present either. It felt too familiar. “Now you listen to me, Lisa Delaney-Brennan. Mom didn’t need help. None of us were colicky! We would have heard stories about it if we were. You are a wonderful mother, and you have to do what’s right for you and your precious family. And our mother would be the first to tell you the same thing. If it means getting a baby nurse for a couple of weeks or months, then do it! Mike loves you to pieces. He wants you healthy. Heck, we all want you healthy and happy.”
She ran out of steam but wanted to cry. Lisa had been the strong one, taking on responsibility no young woman should have had to face. Four younger siblings to raise—with Mike—but those days were tough.
“Jen?” Her sister’s voice sounded stronger now.
“Yeah?” Jen replied with caution. Was Lisa going to argue?
“Was this what you meant about the Delaney-Brennan clan supporting each other?” Somehow, laughter filled Lisa’s voice now. Jen didn’t want to question it.
“It certainly is. Sticking together by being truthful. We’re not only sisters, Lis, but we’re also friends. That’s the way I see it. I love you, and I trust you, and you can count on me, too. I’ll come over to babysit whenever you need me. We have each other’s backs. Mom and Dad would second my advice. Hire a nurse!
And don’t feel guilty about it.”
Lisa’s voice came softly. “When did you get so smart?”
“I’m not smart, Lis, but I-I’ve been thinking about things lately. I’m trying to process Liz and Matt moving away…and I’m working on other stuff.”
“I’m betting Doug Collins figures into all these new ideas you’re having.”
Her sister was sharp. “Could be.”
“Then all I’ll say is that he can’t take his eyes off you. Maybe this time around will be the right time.”
Maybe. “Do you want me to watch Brianna for a few hours so you can get some sleep? It’s now or tomorrow. Doug and I are going to Fenway tonight.” She couldn’t disappoint Doug. She had to show him she could balance family and their time together.
“Enjoy yourself, and thanks for the offer, but I’ve got it. Maybe I just needed some sister time. Some sister approval. You and I, Jenny, are the ones who share that memory bank of the early years with Mom and Dad. After Mike, you know you’re my go-to person.”
“And I hope I never let you down,” Jen replied. “Sometimes, I still feel I’m your lieutenant, handling the younger ones. But I’m not as concerned today as I was back then. Mike turned out to be one of the good guys.”
“I’ve always known that,” said Lisa, “and I thank God for him every day. But Mike’s not the last of the good guys. You might have found one yourself.”
“You may be right. How about I let you know as soon as I’m sure.” She disconnected, realizing she’d misled her sister a little. Doug was definitely one of the good guys. Just thinking about him made her smile. But he deserved a totally devoted partner.
Funny how her siblings thought she was so strong. She’d really been her sister’s right hand in the old days, and she’d always come through. But when it came to charting her own path, well…she didn’t feel that resilient.
She ambled over to the wall of family pictures in her living room, examining them one by one. The handsome twins with their sparkling green eyes towered over her six months ago! Emily’s smile blazed from the frame, a beautiful young adult. Lisa glowed with early pregnancy, her gaze on Mike’s beaming face while he held their son. Andy, Brian and Em were maturing into the people they would become. Lisa and Mike had a handle on everything. The younger ones didn’t need Jen to solve their little problems anymore.
She stroked the portrait of her parents, which hung center stage in her family
gallery. “Your children are growing up, my loves, and you are not here to see it happen, which is just too terrible to dwell on.” A kaleidoscope of images came to her mind: little Bobby, named for his grandpa, Emily playing her violin, Lisa finally receiving her law degree after dropping out of law school twice, Andy and Brian on a baseball field—it really was too much—her parents missing all of that.
Thank you both for getting us off to a good start. I know money was always tight
—I remember you celebrating every mortgage payment—but you gave us moresecurity that you can imagine. Singing while doing the supper dishes, Dad’scorny jokes and his energy. It worked! I still sing, Mom! We all do.
But no song emerged then. Her throat closed, her voice faded and her tears flowed. It didn’t matter. She took another breath and collapsed onto the sofa.
“Mom…Dad…I need to tell you something important.” She inhaled again. “I’ve met someone. He-he’s special. We’ve had a rough patch, but this guy — Doug Collins — he doesn’t give up. More important, I think he understands me. And my fear of letting go. I promise you that we’ll always be the Delaney family, but I have a feeling we’re all going in different directions. And that scares me. I-I just had to tell you.”
She hugged her stomach and let her tears flow. And she could just hear how her dad might advise her.
Everyone is scared, Jennifer. You’re not alone. Courage requires a leap of faith,but happiness requires taking that leap with the right partner. Is this Doug theone?
A weight lifted. She sat up straighter and listened harder. Her parents were only a conversation away. Maybe that’s why Lisa had filled journals in the beginning.
To communicate, to understand. To be more in touch with them… or with herself. Yes! That must be it. Maybe that’s why Doug wrote plays. He was always trying to make sense of a complicated, messy world. Always trying to find hope in dark places.
Finance was much easier.
She walked closer to the portraits again. If talking to her folks helped her to face her fears, she’d go to them a million times, and never chat with another shrink again. Which she hadn’t done in several years.
“I know you’re out there somewhere…” she sang softly, as the Moody Blues’
lyrics came into her head. Maybe she and Emily had more in common than she’d realized. She’d have to listen more closely the next time her sister played Amazing Grace.
##
“It’s a wonderful night for a baseball game.” Jen paused in their walk toward Fenway Park and pointed upward. “A clear sky, perfect temperature and …”
“…and we’re together,” finished Doug, clasping her hand. “Let’s get moving, and I’ll tell you a story about the oldest ballpark in Major League Baseball.”
There wasn’t much about Fenway he could tell her that she didn’t already know.
The Green Monster, The Triangle, The Lone Red Seat. And Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline in the middle of the eighth inning every single game.
“You’ve got a story for everything,” she said, “but I’ve been here many times—
whenever Andy and Brian ‘allowed’ me to take them!”
Holding hands with Doug felt so right, joking around felt right, too. With her free hand, Jen reached up to brush that stubborn lock of hair from the man’s eyes. He snatched her palm and covered it with kisses.
“That makes it official,” he said. “We’re finally on a real date. No interruptions.”
“Yeah. Just you and me…and thousands of others.”
This time he stopped walking and pulled her close. “I love you like this, Jen. So relaxed, so joking, so pretty. I knew we could find it again.”
She put her finger across his mouth. “No words. Just let the evening play out.”
