“But…but, why didn’t I see this when we were walking over?”
“A trick of architecture.” Captain Braddock said, getting up with difficulty from where he had been kneeling by one of the sea chests. Limping over to Sally, he held out a hand. “Captain Braddock. And you must be Sally?”
“Yes,” Sally said, shaking his hand with a guarded smile.
“Well, what do you think of the view?” Katherine asked, gesturing towards the windows overlooking the stormy harbor.
“It’s…” her voice trailed off as she stared out at the storm. “I can see why we got so wet on the way here.”
Captain Braddock turned to look at Katherine, his bushy eyebrows raised. “Well, now. What am I thinking? Here I am keeping you up here where it’s cold when you two have just been out in the wind and rain. Let’s get you downstairs and I’ll make some tea.” Glancing at Sally, he leaned toward Katherine. “Pu-erh Sheng?”
Katherine grinned. “Yes, I think that will be just right.”
“What are you talking about?” Sally asked with a puzzled frown.
“You’ll see.” Katherine called over her shoulder as she started down the spiral staircase.
* * * *
The storm had cleared by the time Katherine and Sally walked back across the downtown blocks to Miss Harriet’s, but an uncertain haze of grey still hung in the sky.
“I’m glad to see you’re back before dark,” Mrs. James said as they came through the door. “Did you enjoy your adventure?”
Sally nodded. “We got drenched on our way over. But Captain Braddock gave us the most wonderful tea I’ve ever tasted, and let us sit by the wood stove to get warm again. Oh, and when we first got there, we watched the storm from the little room at the top of the staircase.”
Mrs. James raised her eyebrows. “You went into the room at the top of the staircase?”
“Yes, and we could see waves crashing in the harbor.”
“Captain Braddock must be mellowing with his years,” Mrs. James said.
“Yes,” Katherine leaned over and explained to Sally, “I didn’t get to see that room until I had been here almost a year, and your aunt has never seen it.”
“Then I wonder why he let me come up there?”
Katherine shrugged, trying to brush off the unease tugging at her heart. “I don’t know. Sometimes the captain can be very private and reserved, but he also has an instinct about people. He must have thought you were the right kind of person.”
“Well, I’m glad, anyway,” Sally said, flashing another wide grin.
“Now, girls,” Mrs. James gave a sudden little clap. “Since you’re back, how about some help with the dishes?”
* * * *
After the dishes were done and the other two ladies had gone home, Katherine opened the door to her apartment and stepped inside. Dropping the keys into a bowl on the table by the door, she looked over at the pool of dim blue light streaming in through the window.
Crossing the dark room, she curled up on the window seat with a pillow in her arms. The nagging something had returned that day, and it wasn’t just fear of change. It was time. She needed to face whatever it was head-on instead of pushing it back into a corner of her heart.
Leaning her head against the cool windowpane, she closed her eyes. Lord, what is it? Show me, please? She opened her eyes and hugged the pillow tighter. She thought of seeing Mrs. James and her husband deep in conversation, and remembered the sting of—was it jealousy? Not quite.
At the Harborside, as she watched Sally experience the beauty and wonder of the little shop for the first time, she had been genuinely happy for her. But then there was that twinge of something as Captain Braddock told Sally the story of the Anne and the first Captain Jeremiah’s nearly disastrous encounter with pirates. And in the kitchen just now, as the three finished up the dishes and said goodnight, Sally had said something that made Mrs. James laugh so hard, and Katherine had felt—yes, there it was.
She drew in a deep breath and shut her eyes again, determined to face it in all its ugliness. It was jealousy, or maybe at its simplest, fear… the fear of being left out or left behind somehow, the fear of change.
Lord, she prayed as hurt and shame and humiliation swept over her, I know this isn’t right. It isn’t rational, but it’s there and real and…and it hurts. Forgive me for being jealous, and for being afraid. I know in my head that no one wants to leave me out. Help me to feel it in my heart as well.
A tear trickled down Katherine’s cheek, then another, as she leaned her head on the windowpane and, as Mrs. James often advised her to, she “told God all about it.”
9 No Fear in Love
Katherine drifted awake to the sound of driving rain against the window. She had fallen asleep in the window seat, with her head against the glass. Sitting up and stretching, she tried to ease the stiffness from her limbs. From the faint kitchen sounds rising through the heating vent, she knew that Mrs. James—and likely Sally, too—must be downstairs doing the morning baking.
She could go down and help, but it was Saturday, her day off. She considered crawling into her bed and going back to sleep, but decided to get dressed and make the most of being already awake.
Standing stiffly, she took the corner of a blanket and rubbed at the faint smudge her forehead had made where she leaned against the glass. She made a mental note to find some glass cleaner downstairs later, then looked beyond the glass at the dark, heavy clouds, barely visible through the pouring rain. A deep sigh welled up inside her. October had arrived.
* * * *
