“Are you done, Rebekah?”
Rebekah stopped inching toward her and swiped at her face but did not answer.
“Listen, I know you are upset. I can see it. I would be wonderful scared if you could actually stand up without looking like you were going to fall over. That look you had…” Katie shook her head. “It looked as though you wanted to tear my head clean off and chuck it out the window there. And after what you just said, after what you thought I was doing with your husband, I cannot say that I blame you.”
The funny smile reappeared on Katie’s face and made Rebekah want to scream. But she did not dare make a sound and interrupt Katie’s monologue.
Katie took a deep breath and exhaled. “This is very hard to say, so be patient with me as I try to get it out.”
Rebekah raised an eyebrow.
“I guess I will just have to say it, even though I was sworn to secrecy not to tell you. It looks like our secret has done more harm than good.”
Rebekah opened her mouth, but Katie held up a hand. “It is your brother, Rebekah. Peter cannot read. Nor can he write.” Katie stared at her sister-in-law as her words sunk in. After a moment, she held up her hands in mock surrender. “Truce? It seems that we need to talk.”
Rebekah gave Katie a sideways look, not entirely angry but not entirely soothed, either. Whatever had taken control and urged her to advance on Katie had loosened its grip, thankfully, and it seemed her mind might be her own again. Still, she certainly did not want to do anything that Katie told her to do. But she did as she was told. “I am listening.”
“First things first. I did not write the letters myself, Rebekah. Well, I did write them, but I did not pick up a pen and decide to write awkward letters to your husband without your knowing about it. Also, I did not have any intention to correspond with any man without my mann knowing about it.” Katie kneaded her fingers together, as though for the first time in her life, she was self-conscious. “Is that truly what you think of me, Rebekah? That I would do such a thing?”
Rebekah did not hesitate. “Yes, Katie. Yes, I do think of you that way, and I do think you would do such a thing.”
Katie sat back as though Rebekah had slapped her with her words. Outside the window, a bug buzzed by. Had it not been so silent in Rebekah’s bedroom, they never would have realized its existence. “Is that the truly truth, Rebekah? And not just anger talking?”
“Yes,” Rebekah said just as forcefully and just as quickly. “That is more than the truth. It has been my truth as long as I have known you.”
Katie’s eyes shimmered a bit. “I, well.” She fiddled with her apron. “I suppose I deserve that. I am sorry, Rebekah.”
“Sorry for what?” Rebekah asked. “For continuously chasing after Joseph on the schoolyard, or for chasing after him even more when he began to show interest in me?”
Now it was Katie who sat in silence, which spurred Rebekah on. Years of pent-up emotions came rolling out of her mouth, unchecked. “Are you sorry for disappearing during your Rumspringa and making sure Joseph and Peter came after you, to rescue you?”
“You came too,” Katie whispered.
“Are you sorry,” Rebekah continued, “for completely and utterly disrupting our lives, just when Joseph and I start to find some sort of happiness, you come in and just…disrupt it? Are you sorry for that?”
“Yes. Yes, I am.” Katie stared into her lap. “About the letters—”
“Does Peter know about them?” Rebekah asked.
Katie nodded but did not look up. “It was Peter who dictated them, Rebekah. He did not want you to know, and he still does not want you to know. I believe he is afraid you may think less of him. We decided that it was safer that the letters were from me.”
Finally, Rebekah’s rage began to cool. “I had no idea.”
Katie continued with that mature look in her eye that Rebekah was growing to detest. “I respect your wedding vows, very much in fact. And I respect mine just as much. I love your bruder, Rebekah, and your bruder loves me. Even when I was completely and utterly undeserving of that love.”
Now it was Rebekah who was silent.
“I feel as though I need to say this out loud. I do not love Joseph. I never did.” The words hung there, filling the void between them before Katie continued. “Anyway, even if I did want him, which I do not, Joseph loves you and only you. Everybody can see that. Everybody but you, apparently.”
Rebekah knotted her hands in her lap and studied them. “Then, why?”
“Why what?”
Rebekah exhaled an exasperated breath. “Why everything over the years?”
“Well…” Katie gave her a sideways look. “I did thoroughly enjoy making you jealous.”
Rebekah’s jaw went slack. “You did all that with Joseph only to make me jealous?” She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, to be angry or relieved. “Why?”
“Well, it is going to sound incredibly simple and silly. But you were Annie’s friend, her best friend, and not mine. And I was jealous.” She shrugged. “I tried to make you jealous, too, lots of times. You just never noticed until Joseph came into the picture.” Katie giggled. “I suppose I owe you an apology for all of that. So, I am sorry, Rebekah. For all my many, many failings over the years.”
Rebekah blinked. Is this another one of those weird nightmares? It sure feels like it. She sighed, too tired of being angry to get angry again over something that did not even deserve to have been gotten angry over in the first place. “May I ask you something and get an honest answer?”
“All of my answers are honest, Rebekah, but yes. Ask me anything.”
“Why were you holding my mann in my kitchen?”
Katie answered as quickly as she had earlier. “You saw what you wanted. What you expected.” She looked up at her. “But rest assured, I was most certainly not holding your mann.”
Rebekah looked at Katie and sucked in her bottom lip. Have I been wrong about everything for my entire life?
Katie continued. “My bopplin was colicky, too. Just like yours.”
Rebekah furrowed her brow. “How did you know Lil’ Bit was unwell, colicky as you called it?”
“Well, I got to see it a bit downstairs, as you well know. But I knew before, too.” Katie pulled a letter out of her apron pocket. “You see? Joseph wrote us a letter the night Lil’ Bit was born.”
She handed it to Rebekah.
She read as Katie continued to talk.
Dear Family,
Today, Rebekah made me a fater, and I made her a mater. We have a sohn. He was born not breathing, he was even blue. An Englischer doctor came and told us he was dead and to tell him goodbye. But Rebekah, my miracle-making fraa, prayed for him, and he began to breathe! She named him Dawson Graber, but we will call him Lil’ Bit, like Thomas wanted.
Rebekah had a very hard delivery, and I almost lost her, I almost lost the love of my life. She and the bopplin are resting now, so I had to come out into the hallway to let the loves of my life get their much-deserved rest.
Do you have any suggestions as to how I can be the best mann I can be to Rebekah during this time? Lil’ Bit acts like his stomach hurts, and he cries hard all the time. Do you have any suggestions for this?
God bless you and keep you, my family. We both love all three of you and look forward to seeing you as soon as can be arranged.
Sincerely,
Joseph on behalf of all the Graber family
Rebekah had tuned Katie out as she read. When she finished reading, she began to listen again.
“So, you see, he told us about the way the bopplin acted. It is called colic. Joseph also told us that you were unwell after a hard delivery, needing your rest, and he asked for advice. He was worried and asking us for help. For help for you. So, I brought you a gift. I was helping Joseph put it on.”
