Cugel cried out in fury: “There are too many passengers aboard! Four must take to the carriages! Meanwhile Doctor Lalanke and his troupe have taken my cabin!”
Varmous shrugged his ponderous shoulders. “Since you are captain, you need only issue the appropriate order. Meanwhile, remove the mooring lines all but one and prepare your magic.”
Varmous descended to the ground. “Wait!” cried Cugel. “Where is the steward to cook and serve our meals?”
“All in good time,” said Varmous. “You will prepare the noon lunch, as you have nothing better to do. Now pull up your gangplank! Make ready for departure!”
Seething with annoyance, Cugel tied his rope from the stem-head ring to the trunk of a cypress, then drew aboard the other lines. With the help of Doctor Lalanke and Clissum he pulled aboard the gangplank.
The caravan came along the road. Varmous loosened the rope from the cypress and the boat floated into the air. Varmous tied the rope to the back of the first carriage which was pulled by two farlocks of the bulky Black Ganghorn breed. Without further ado Varmous climbed aboard the carriage and the caravan set off along the river road.
Cugel looked about the deck. The passengers lined the rails, looking out over the countryside and congratulating themselves upon their mode of transport. A semblance of camaraderie had already come into being, affecting all save Nissifer who sat huddled in a rather peculiar posture beside the hold. Doctor Lalanke also stood somewhat apart. Cugel joined him by the rail. “Have you removed your wards from my cabin?”
Doctor Lalanke gravely shook his head. “They are curious little creatures, innocent and without guile, motivated only by the force of their own needs.”
“Surely they must obey your commands!”
Through some extraordinary flexibility of feature, Doctor Lalanke managed to seem both apologetic and amused. “So one would think. I often wonder how they regard me: certainly not as their master.”
“Most singular! How did they come into your custody?”
“I must inform you that I am a man of great wealth. I live beside the Szonglei River not far from Old Romarth. My manse is built of rare woods: tirrinch, gauze difono, skeel, purple trank, camfer and a dozen others. My life might well be one of ease and splendor, but, to validate the fact of my existence, I annotate the lives and works of the great magicians. My collection of memorabilia and curious adjuncts is remarkable.” As he spoke his eyes rested upon the scale ‘Spatterlight’, which Cugel used for a hat ornament.
Cugel asked cautiously: “And you yourself are a magician?”
“Alas! I lack the strength. I can grasp a trifling spell against stinging insects, and another to quiet howling dogs, but magic like yours, which wafts a ship through the air, is beyond my capacity. And while we are on the subject, what of the object you wear on your hat: it exhales an unmistakable flux!”
“The object has a curious history, which I will relate at a more convenient time,” said Cugel. “At this moment —”
“Of course! You are more interested in the ‘mimes’, as I call them, and this may well be the function for which they were contrived.”
“I am mostly interested in ejecting them from my cabin.”
“I will be brief, though I must revert to Grand Motholam of the late eighteenth aeon. The arch-magician Moel Lel Laio lived in a palace cut from a single moonstone. Even today, if you walk the Plain of Gray Shades, you may find a shard or two. When I excavated the old crypts I found a cambent box containing three figurines, of cracked and discolored ivory, each no larger than my finger. I took these objects to my manse and thought to wash away the grime, but they absorbed water as fast as I applied it, and I finally put them into basins to soak overnight. In the morning I found the three as you see them now. I used the names Sush, Skasja and Rlys after the Tracynthian Graces and tried to give them speech. Never have they uttered a sound, not even one to the other.
“They are strange creatures, oddly sweet, and I could detail their conduct for hours. I call them ‘mimes’ because when the mood comes on them they will posture and preen and simulate a hundred situations, none of which I understand. I have learned to let them do as they will; in return they allow me to care for them.”
“All very well,” said Cugel. “Now the mimes of the late eighteenth aeon must discover the reality of today, as embodied in the person of Cugel. I warn you, I may be forced to eject them bodily!”
Doctor Lalanke shrugged sadly. “I am sure that you will be as gentle as possible. What are your plans?”
“The time for planning is over!” Cugel marched to the door of the cabin and flung it wide. The three sat as before, staring at Cugel with wondering eyes.
Cugel stood to the side and pointed to the door. “Out! Go! Depart! Be off with you! I am ready to lie down on my bunk and take my rest.”
None of the three twitched so much as a muscle. Cugel stepped forward and took the arm of the maiden facing him on his right. Instantly the room fluttered with motion and before Cugel understood what was happening he was propelled from the cabin.
Cugel angrily ran back within and tried to seize the nearest of the mimes. She slipped sober-faced from his grasp, and again the room seemed full of fluttering figures: up, down, and around like moths. Finally Cugel managed to seize one from behind and, carrying her to the door, thrust her out on deck. At the same time he was thrust forward and instantly the ejected maiden returned into the cabin.
The other passengers had come to watch. All laughed and called out jocular remarks, save only Nissifer who paid no heed. Doctor Lalanke spoke as if in vindication: “You see how it goes? The more abrupt your conduct, the more determined their response.”
Cugel said through gritted teeth: “They will come out to eat; then we shall see.”
Doctor Lalanke shook his head. “That is an unreliable hope. Their appetites are slight; now and then they will take a bit of fruit, or a sweet-cake, or a sip of wine.”
“Shame, Cugel!” said Ermaulde. “Would you starve three poor girls already so pale and peaked?”
“If they dislike starvation they can leave my cabin!”
The ecclesiarch lifted high a remarkably long white forefinger, with knobbed knuckles and a yellow fingernail. “Cugel, you cultivate your senses as if they were hot-house plants. Why not, once and for all, break the tyranny of your internal organs? I will give you a tract to study.”
Clissum spoke: “In the last analysis the comfort of your passengers must supersede your own. Another matter! Varmous guaranteed a gracious cuisine of five or six courses. The sun has risen high and it is time that you set about your preparations for lunch.”
Cugel said at last: “If Varmous made this guarantee, let Varmous do the cooking.”
Perruquil set up an outcry, but Cugel would not relent. “My own problems are paramount!”
“Then what is our recourse?” demanded Perruquil.
Cugel pointed to the gunwale. “Slide down the rope and complain to Varmous! In any case, do not trouble me.”
Perruquil marched to the gunwale and raised a great shout.
Varmous turned up his broad face. “What is the difficulty?”
“It lies with Cugel. You must attend to the matter at once.”
Varmous patiently halted the caravan, pulled down the boat and climbed aboard. “Well then, what now?”
Perruquil, Clissum and Cugel spoke together, until Varmous held up his hands. “One at a time, if you please. Perruquil, what is your complaint?”
Perruquil pointed a trembling finger at Cugel. “He is like a stone! He shrugs off our demands for food and will not relinquish accommodations to those who paid dearly for them!”
With a sigh Varmous said: “Well then, Cugel? How do you account for your conduct?”
“In no way whatever. Evict those insane maidens from my cabin, or the Avventura no longer follows the caravan, but sails to best advantage on the wind.”
Varmous turned to Doctor Lalanke. “There is no help for it. We must submit to Cugel’s demand. Call them out.”
“But where then will we sleep?”
“There are three bunks in the crew’s forecastle for the maidens. There is another bunk in the forepeak carpenter shop, which is quiet and which will suit His Reverence Gaulph Rabi very well. We will put Ermaulde and Nissifer in the port cabins, Perruquil and Ivanello in the starboard cabins, while you and Clissum will share the double cabin. All problems are thereby solved, so let the maidens come forth.”
Doctor Lalanke said dubiously: “That is the nub of the matter! They will not come! Cugel tried twice to put them out; twice they ejected him instead.”
Ivanello, lounging to the side, said: “And a most entertaining spectacle it was! Cugel came flying out as if he were trying to leap a wide ditch.”
Doctor Lalanke said: “They probably misunderstood Cugel’s intentions. I suggest that the three of us enter together. Varmous, you may go first, then I will follow and Cugel can bring up the rear. Allow me to make the signs.”
