🌎 🌎 “Path to Manhood” by Dane C. Hawkins

Christmas break begins and eventually all three of the fellas make their way home to spend time with family. Duc is really looking forward to being home because it’s going to be the first time he’s seen his sister, Jamie, in person in a while. He talks to her regularly to get advice and keep her updated on how he’s handling both promoting parties and managing artists. Jamie is big on him getting more into artist management because that will put him in the music industry with her. His sister and father have both spent years in the industry and watched as others used nepotism to get ahead. They are more than willing to do the same for their friends and family who are really willing to put in the work.

James is just as proud of Duc as Jamie is but doesn’t show it. He knows how difficult the entertainment business can be and he promised his wife, Doretha, that they will push their son to finish college so he will have options. Duc isn’t aware of that and continues to think he can never do enough to impress his father. He appreciates the financial help and gifts, but it doesn’t replace the emotions. After 21 years he’s used to how his father operates, just accepts him for who he is, and enjoys the time with his family. Plus, Jamie always gives him all the encouragement he can ask for. That isn’t what he came home for anyway. His family always goes all out for Christmas and nothing is going to get in the way of him enjoying the holiday.

This holiday ends up being especially memorable for the Martin family. On Christmas morning Jamie and her long-time boyfriend, Keith, announce she is pregnant with her first child. They have lived together for a couple of years, and she is 30, so it’s no surprise when it comes to the progression of their relationship. It’s just more cause for celebration for everyone. Duc is in total shock when she initially breaks the news. A part of him fears she won’t have the time to spend helping him like she always has after a baby. It is a fleeting emotion, though, as he is more excited about becoming the cool uncle and doing what he can to make sure the baby will be able to grow up knowing him well. His parents are in their early to mid-fifties so, although they prefer Jaime to be married, she was born before they were married so they understand. They are just eager to finally become grandparents and they have every intention of spoiling the child rotten. And they make sure Jamie and Keith know it. Doretha instantly says, “I knew it was going to happen soon. It’s about time you stopped making me wait for grandbabies” as she gives her daughter a huge hug with her eyes beginning to water. James is no different saying, “Y’all gotta give us twins so we can get a boy and a girl to spoil” as he begins to wear a huge smile he can’t contain. James is so happy he pulls Keith and Duc down to his bar later that evening to pour drinks for a toast with some of his best whiskey he never lets anyone have. It is the first time Duc has ever had a drink with his father and probably the most expensive alcohol he has ever had. He can’t help but hope he will do something one day to make his father this proud.

Jairus is home a little bit longer than everyone else for the holiday. He has gotten tired of listening to Angel go on and on about Rodney and after his drunken mistake with Tasha at the graduation party, he is happy to get away for a couple of weeks. He can’t wait for more of his mother’s home cooking for the holiday. He is also looking forward to spending time with his cousin Russell. He has felt like they really didn’t get a chance to hang out much the last couple of times he was home and plans to specifically address that on this visit. The feeling is mutual with Russell wanting to hang out, but Jairus quickly realizes that just because he is free with nothing to do every day doesn’t mean everyone else is. Russell has finally gotten a position as a mechanic after training for a year and a half after graduating high school, and as the new guy they are working him a lot. He has the least seniority at the shop since he’s only been there about a month so he’s the first to stay late when they are busy. It’s frustrating to Jairus, but he understands and he’s much happier seeing Russell being productive than sitting on the corner doing nothing.

During the day, when everyone else works, he spends time talking to Papa Tom to get his advice about many of the things he’s been dealing with lately. He still has what Angel said about him loving everyone he ever dated in the back of his mind, and he wants to bring it up to the wisest person he knows. Papa Tom listens to him explain what was said and how it makes him feel and then, to his dismay, tells him that Angel is probably right. “You have been looking for something to fill the void left by the absence of your father in any form of love you can find but there’s only going to be one solution for that.” Jairus doesn’t want his grandfather to agree with Angel. Now he feels like he can’t deny she is right. The conversation makes him anticipate going out to hang with Russell that evening even more, just to take his mind off it. He is even more irritated when it gets later and later, and he never hears anything from Russell.

Jairus sits at his aunt’s house all evening until Russell comes strolling in well after 9:30 P.M. Aunt Theresa tells Russell there is food in the fridge, but he says he already went and grabbed dinner. Jairus hears the exchange and can’t believe his ears. Frustrated, Jairus immediately says, “Dog, you couldn’t call and let me know not to wait around for you?”

Russell, who has likely had a drink or two, says, “My bad man. We worked late and then the fellas just went to grab some food. Brandon dragged me along.”

Jairus is infuriated when he hears the name Brandon. He only knows one Brandan back home and they have a bad history that Russell is fully aware of. “You blew me off to go hang out with Brandon? The Brandon I went through everything with? You chose him over me?”

Russell realizes he messed up saying the name and gets a look on his face that tells Jairus all he needs to know. “That’s how you gonna carry it with me? Seriously?” Jairus continues.

“Young, he’s my nephew's father. You gotta let it go. Everybody can’t keep sneaking around forever to save your feelings.”

Jairus gets a confused look on his face. “Everybody?”

Aunt Theresa then interjects, “How about you both lower your voices and we try to calm down and just talk.” Jairus looks around the room at everyone’s face and can see they all look like an uncomfortable secret has just been revealed. He looks at Aunt Theresa, who he knows will give it to him straight, and says, “What don’t I know?” His aunt Theresa doesn’t lie. “Tammy and Brandon are trying to make their family work…together.” The room is silent for a second so she then says, “Brandon tried to talk to you and tell you himself, but you wouldn’t talk to him.”

Jairus thinks to himself and remembers the interaction from Memorial Day weekend. That was seven months ago. They’ve been keeping this from him for that long. Now he understands why Tammy moved out, but he still hasn’t been able to see her place since he’s been home. They know he will have a problem being around Brandon. It also explains how Russell got the job as a mechanic so quickly. Brandon is a mechanic. That’s why his mother mentioned him letting go of their past problems. The end of his Christmas trip left Jairus confused and feeling betrayed. It also makes him wonder if Brandon is filling the space he left with his family while he’s been in Atlanta. He is hurt and doesn’t know who to talk to about it when the people he normally talks to are the cause.

In Atlanta, Mike’s Christmas vacation isn’t nearly as eventful as Jairus or Duc. It is basically business as usual for him and his family. The only thing even remotely annoying him is that his father seems to be waiting for him to pop up every time he goes to visit his paternal grandparents. In the past he will normally be out running the streets and Mike never has to worry about seeing him. These days Tony is a lot more settled in at home and seems to always try to talk Mike’s ear off when he sees him. After nearly a decade of barely talking to him, Mike isn’t interested in forcing conversations. Tony is unphased by his disinterest and acts as though he doesn’t notice the very one-sided conversations with short responses from Mike, when he can’t avoid them. Michelle doesn’t help in the matter. She is ready and willing to talk to Tony if she is present. She’s older now and has developed her own frustrations with him but can’t seem to be mean to him.

To Mike’s pleasure, his mother decides to have a large Christmas dinner for family and friends this year. It’s something she loved to do in the past but hasn’t been able to recently. This year is different though. Things have been looking up financially and she wants to get back to some of her normal routines. This is great for Mike because it means he will be surrounded by his mother’s side of his family and isn’t going to be bothered by his father on Christmas since he won’t be invited. It’s also a bit awkward since it means Brenda will be inviting her best friend Debra and her family over for dinner, as well. They used to come every year so he’s sure they will be present and accounted for, which means he’ll be spending part of Christmas with Shante.

Christmas morning arrives and Mike and his family get up and make a big breakfast together after they exchange a few heartfelt gifts with one another. His mother makes a point to get something a little extra for all three of her kids this year since she finally has more to give. Not only have things been going well financially, but everything has been going well with the family lately. Arthur has been clean for a year and working a pretty good job for the last eight months. Mike is a semester away from graduating from college with honors. Michelle is in her sophomore year of high school and looks like she’s going to be an excellent student, as well. Brenda is just happy with the way things in life are going now so it makes her even more cheerful for the holiday. She remains in that spirit throughout the day whether it is the morning spent with her children or the early afternoon when her mother and aunt show up to help her start cooking Christmas dinner. Eventually Aunt Deb shows up to help as well and she is alone. Mike hopes it means she is the only one that will be there for Christmas, but she lets them all know she came alone to help cook and the girls, Yolanda and Shante, will be there later that afternoon.

Around three o’clock distant family and friends start to show up to the house for the Christmas celebration. It is the responsibility of Arthur, Mike and Michelle to greet everyone at the door and take their coats and put them on the bed in the back room. It just so happens to be Mike who opens the door when Yolanda and Shante show up with their younger cousin, Cammy, tagging along. Cammy is close in age to Michelle and goes to the same high school, even though she is a junior. Michelle sees them and jumps up to run over and give everyone a big hug. The first person she goes to is Shante, who Michelle has always viewed like an older sister. Something she longed for with two much older brothers. At the same time Yolanda and Mike greet each other. “Merry Christmas Artie!”

Mike frowns at her and says, “I will call you Yo-Yo all day if you start.”

She giggles at herself and then says, “Okay, I just had to get one in.” They hug, then she pulls off her coat and gives it to him before going in to greet everyone else. Mike gives Cammy a big hug because he hasn’t seen her in a while even though his sister talks about her all the time. When Shante steps up, they have an awkward moment where she starts to go in for a hug, but he doesn’t then she pulls back as he tries to adjust. They instantly feel weird, and Shante just says hello and walks inside.

As the family and friends spend this time together, they catch up on life, reminisce about old times, joke and laugh, watch sports, and play cards or board games but the main event is dinner. While all of this is going on, Mike makes a point to continually move around and mingle to avoid getting stuck in an awkward moment with Shante. She tries to spark up a conversation with him to break the tension, but Mike isn’t interested. When she asks how he’s been doing he responds with a simple, “I’ve been chilling,” and casually moves on as if it’s no big deal. Although he has tried to move past the situation between them, he still keeps a certain distance. Mostly because he knows how to best govern himself rather than anger or disappointment with Shante. He doesn’t expect her to act like she owes him anything, so he doesn’t get close enough to get his feelings hurt.

To almost everyone nothing seems out of the ordinary, but Yolanda knows her sister better than anyone and she has always picked at her about her affinity for Mike. To see them seem distant in confined quarters is like waving a red flag to her, especially when they are at college around each other more than ever. She begins to observe their interaction and notices when her sister tries to ask how he’s been, but Mike gives her the short answer and quickly moves on followed by a brief look of disappointment from Shante. She sees all she needs to see to know there’s something up. At the first opportunity she abruptly says to Mike, “So, why you being rude to my sister?” Mike just looks at her with a confused look on his face, to which she replies, “Boy, you been short with her since we been here.”

Mike, surprised she noticed, tries to play it off. “We just don’t have much to talk about. We see each other all the time. I was just at her game the other day.” Yolanda doesn’t believe him for a second but can’t refute his claim and let’s it go simply saying “uuuhhhnn huh” like she speculates there’s more to it.

Yolanda is persistent and assertive, two qualities she gets from her mother, so she doesn’t stop with Mike’s answer. She later finds an excuse to get her sister to help her go into the back room and look for her coat in the pile on the bed. “So, what’s going on with you and Mike?” Shante tries to act like she doesn’t know what her sister is talking about, but Yolanda calls her out. “You normally chumming it up with him but tonight y’all barely said anything to each other. Something happened! Or…y’all trying to act like y’all not close on purpose.”

Shante realizes her sister is going to start drawing her own conclusions if she doesn’t tell her something. So, she started to tell her everything that happened between them in the last year until they had been gone so long that Michelle came and checked on them. Of course, she made Shante piece meal the rest of the story as they have moments where no one else can hear, making sure she gets an answer to all her questions and gaining a different view of Mike in the process. He has always been a rival for her. He is the annoying cousin she is secretly jealous of because he always overachieved, and everything went his way. At least from her perspective. She never thought he lost at anything but now she realized there’s a side of him she knew nothing about. She actually feels bad for them both once she knows everything and tells her sister she needs to stop playing it so safe in life and take a chance.

The week following Christmas Mike spends a lot of time thinking about the way things have gone for him in the last year. He thinks a lot about how things went with him and Shante. What he did wrong. What he could have done differently. He also thinks a lot about Carlos. He hasn’t talked to him in months at this point and wonders how things are going with him, but his pride won’t let him simply pick up the phone and take the first step to fix the friendship. He does a lot of reminiscing about Ovaughn and begins to realize just how many things didn’t go well this year. He tries to think of the positive moments. Any highlight, big or small. The one thing that comes to mind is the surprise call from Silly after no contact with her for over a year and he decides it’s time for him to give her a call again. He calls her a couple of days after Christmas and just as he hoped she is excited to hear from him. Once again, they spend a couple of hours on the phone catching up with each other. They talk about how their holidays were, how the semester went; they share rumors about their old internship coworkers, and Cecilia asks Mike if he has any job opportunities lined up yet. He doesn’t have anything set in stone yet and the fact that she is a year younger in school and already starting to look for jobs scares him into thinking he may have waited too long. He always figured after his internships with multiple companies that they will provide the job offers when he graduates, and he can just pick the one he likes the most. Talking to her made him consider how much better the companies he hasn’t seen can be. She also makes him question why he is so reluctant to move far away from home. The conversation was sparked by him having a lot on his mind and led to him having even more to think about. He appreciates that she still has the ability to make him raise his standards, just like when they worked together.

Before the New Year holiday, Duc returns to Atlanta from his trip home. He loves going back home but he can’t miss the biggest party night of the year. There is too much work to be done to create the best party and he now has multiple venues to prepare for the occasion as well as a band that will be performing. It also means he is going to be in Atlanta to celebrate Mike’s birthday the next weekend and he is making sure they will have the best time for that as well. This is going to be the first time he takes advantage of Malik’s strip club connections. He’s been waiting for the perfect opportunity, and nothing will be better than Mike’s 22nd birthday.

Jairus returns just after the New Year during the week leading up to Mike’s birthday party. But he has other things on his mind besides a party. He is dealing with the mixed emotions of what occurred during his trip home. He still feels hurt by his family keeping the secret from him and wants to get it off his chest, but doesn’t want to be vulnerable with his boys so he doesn’t bring it up. He eventually thinks of the one person he knows that can relate to their family keeping a major secret from them and calls Lucas for the second time. This time when Lucas answers the phone, he knows exactly who’s phone number it is. He enthusiastically answers. “Jairus! I was just wondering about you recently. I…I wasn’t sure if I should call over the holidays. I didn’t know if I would hear from you again.” Jairus, still a bit put off by the situation, snidely says, “My mother didn’t tell you to call when you talked to her over the holidays?”

Lucas pauses realizing this may not be the most pleasant of conversations after all but tries to break the tension. “Well, my wife is very understanding but she’s only going to be cool with me calling up exes regularly for so long.” He laughs at his own joke, but Jairus doesn’t.

Jairus is in thought trying to determine how to approach asking someone he doesn’t really know, but hopes he can trust, for advice on a personal situation. He decides to just go with the conversation until he finds an opening. “So how long have you been married? You said your daughter isn’t with your wife, right?”

Still wanting to be completely transparent with Jairus to build a bond, Lucas replies “Yeah, this is actually my second wife. Jasmine is 13 and I married her mother shortly after college. We were together for a long time but that didn’t end well. Now I’ve been with my wife for over four years, married for two. I made a much better decision this time around.”

Jairus isn’t fond of him making subtle jabs at his ex for some reason. Is this how he talked about all his exes? About Jairus’ mother when he was younger? Jairus gets defensive then says, “Huhn. So had you actually stayed with my mom you probably wouldn’t be together now anyway.”

Lucas doesn’t even have to pause in response to this comment. He confidently says, “I don’t dwell on what didn’t happen or on the decisions I didn’t make. I try to deal with the reality I am facing. No matter the decisions we ultimately choose in life, there will be ups and downs that come with them. When we think of the path we didn’t choose you generally only think about all the good things you’re missing out on. Then you’ll only compare that against the bad things you have to deal with because of the decision you actually made. Focusing on what could have happened doesn’t serve you well. Especially since we can’t go back and change the past. We can only make the best of our current situations. I had to learn that the hard way. Still am.”

Jairus can see that he touched a soft spot for Lucas with how quickly and directly he responded but it only intrigues him more. “What did you have to learn the hard way?”

In response to that question Jairus can hear Lucas take a really deep breath and then he says, “My career, family, money, fatherhood, marriage…Everything!”

“What did you have to learn the hard way about family?”

Lucas gets quiet for a second as he thinks about what to say. He doesn’t want to lay his burdens on Jairus, but he’s trying to connect with him the best he knows how. So he simply says, “I’m still learning that one.” That leads Jairus to get quiet. It isn’t the insight he is hoping to get but he can read between the lines and understands. The silence is noticeable so Lucas asks, “Is there something going on with your family? Is everything alright?”

“I mean, I guess everything is alright since I’m in Atlanta…but there’s a guy and I went through a bad situation because of him. It messed me up in high school. He and my cousin have a kid but he hasn’t been around for a while. Now all of a sudden everyone is fine with him again. But no one bothered to let me know about it. I had to find out the hard way.”

Jairus doesn’t like being this open and vulnerable. He just feels like he has to get it off his chest at this point. Lucas doesn’t really know his place with Jairus. He doesn’t want to overstep but doesn’t like hearing him sound like he’s in pain as he vaguely describes his issue. Lucas doesn’t press for more information or act like he knows how to fix the problem. He just asks, “Do you consider yourself a forgiving person, Jairus?”

“Probably not” under his breath as if he doesn’t want to say it out loud.

“That’s probably my fault” in the same muffled voice. Jairus says nothing to make him feel better. Lucas then continues, “I know it’s not the easiest thing to do but it helps. If you want to be successful in life handling a career, money, family, fatherhood, and especially marriage…you will need to learn forgiveness. It will help you let go of things, so you won’t be so ‘messed up.’ If not for forgiveness we probably wouldn’t be talking right now.”