When they took Tito to brunch together, and Felix blushed at the embarrassing stories his grandpa told about him—he loves me.
When he kissed her and touched her until she fell apart in his arms. When he called her a good girl and let her tend to him afterward—he loves me.
When she got her period and he brought her dinner, made her herbal tea, and cuddled with her and Merry on the couch to watch their favorite comfort movies—he loves me.
Jo never said it back. There was a part of her that wanted to, but her feelings for Felix were unlike anything she’d ever known. How was she supposed to classify them as love or lust or infatuation or just plain desperation if she had no point of reference for them? She knew Felix wouldn’t wait around for her forever, but she couldn’t say it. Not yet. Not until she was certain.
And then, of course, there was that deep-seated voice that still wormed its way in, trying to convince her that she was going to fuck it up. She talked things through with Aida more than once, but even her best friend’s reassurances never lasted long. More often than Jo cared to admit, that voice, a voice that sounded an awful lot like her own, clouded her happy, sunny days, coiling like a knot in her stomach.
It doesn’t matter if he loves you, Jo, it whispered, countering that lovely refrain. Jeremy loved you, and he got sick of you and your obsessions eventually. Felix has only known you for a few weeks, after all. It’s only a matter of time…
22
Behind the front desk at the library, Peggy swiveled her chair to face Felix. “Nervous?”
He paused mid-stride and chuckled. “What gave it away?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she mused, “maybe the endless pacing? Or the fact that you’ve run down to the room to check on ‘one more thing’ fifty times since lunch? Or, speaking of, maybe it’s that you skipped lunch, which I’ve never seen you do before.” She lowered her chin and put on her sternest mom face. “You need to eat something before people start showing up, kiddo. Can’t have you fainting in front of a dozen patrons.”
“I’m fine, Peg, really,” he said with a wave of his hand.
She gave an “mm-hmm,” opened her desk drawer, and fished out a granola bar. Without a word, she held it out to him.
Felix sighed and took it. “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” she said with a wink.
It only took a single bite for Felix to realize how ravenous he was. He swallowed his pride and dove into his own desk drawer for the sandwich he’d been too anxious to eat at lunch. This was it. Everything he’d been working toward for the last six weeks came down to tonight. Jo would be here any minute. Leni and Warren, too, followed by… well, hopefully enough people to run an MnM game. He choked down his sandwich, peanut butter sticking in his throat.
Keeping an eye on him to make sure he ate, Peggy asked, “Did I tell you my kids are coming tonight?”
“All the way from Kansas City?”
Peggy’s twins, Madison and Denver, both went to college at the University of Missouri.
“Yessir. They owed me a visit anyway, so I made them come for launch week. Mad’s excited. I guess she’s got some friends who play the game.”
That’s two more, he thought hopefully.
Moments after Felix finished eating, Jo and Leni arrived. They were each lugging a giant pink box, like the kind donut shops used. Felix spotted them through the windows and jogged over to open the door.
“Here,” Jo greeted him, shoving her box at him without even stepping inside. “Sorry, I probably should have asked, but I wanted it to be a surprise. I’ll be right back, I have more in the car.”
“More what?” Felix called after her. She merely grinned over her shoulder.
He looked helplessly at Leni, who shrugged. “I don’t know, hun. I just ran into her in the parking lot. She said to take these downstairs.”
By the time they made it back to the lobby, Jo had returned. Tito was on her arm.
“Tito! ¿Qué haces aquí?”
“You forgot about me, ey, Felix?” Tito retorted with a twinkle in his eye. “Your girl invited me to your big event, remember?”
“Sí, I remember.” Felix ran a hand through his hair. Now he remembered. How could he have forgotten the awkward conversation they’d had the day he ran into Jo at White Hills? And why hadn’t either of them said anything? He wasn’t going to worry about it now. Tito was here, and Felix was glad to see him. “Thank you for coming, Tito.”
“I wouldn’t miss it!” Tito crowed. “Whatever ‘it’ is.”
Jo laughed and guided him toward the elevator. “Do you want me to explain it again?”
“No, solete.” He patted her arm. “I’ll just be watching anyway.”
Before following them downstairs, Felix detoured back to the desk to double check that he wasn’t forgetting anything.
“We’ve got it, Felix.” Leni pushed on his shoulders, nudging him in the direction of the stairs. “Peggy and I will send people down as they show up. When foot traffic slows, I’ll join you to help you and Jo get people settled.”
Felix nodded, more to himself than to Leni. It was fine; it would be fine. Everything would be fine. With Peggy’s kids and Vanessa, that was at least three players—plus Jo and Tito to round out the headcount. They only needed a few additional people for the event to be well-attended. They might even end up with enough to split into two tables. Wouldn’t that be something? They’d planned for that, just in case. Jo was ready to jump in and GM a second table at a moment’s notice.
The front door opened as Felix hit the stairs. Leni called brightly, “Hi, hun. Are you here for Monsters and Mythology?”
“Uh, yeah,” the person replied. “I got this flyer at ACC?”
Felix’s heart stuttered and then skipped a beat. He couldn’t tell if he was more nervous or excited. Leni started chatting with the patron about MnM, and he sent her a mental thank you for buying him time to get downstairs and pull himself together.
Here goes nothing.
