Evidently, that was the signal for her to leave. With a wiggle of her fingertips in a way that resembled a wave, she walked out of the house and closed the door behind her.
My mind was spinning. That had been so improper! She'd all but thrown herself at him - but Zasen hadn't done anything. He hadn't tried to stop her either. Maybe this was the flirtation he'd mentioned before?
"So you're courting her?" I asked, trying hard to ignore the anger simmering inside me.
"No." Zasen grabbed the folded clothes from the table. Carrying them over to me, he then dumped them into my arms. "Dragons don't court, and if we did, I think it would be more true to say she was courting me."
"Women don't -"
He tilted his head. "Dragons aren't Moles, Ayla."
I pulled in a deep breath and nodded. "So, that's okay?"
"Yes. It's also okay that I've had sex with her. No one thinks less of her - or me - for it."
Those words were such a shock my arms went limp, spilling the clothes onto the floor. "What?!" I stared at him with my mouth open. "You and she…"
"And we’re not married."
"Oh." I knelt and began stacking the clothes again.
He joined me, helping to pick up the mess I'd made. "I also told her I'm not currently interested in doing it again."
"Why not? I thought men liked the act."
He chuckled. "Oh, I do. I'm just not interested in doing it with her right now."
With the stack of new clothing in my arms, I stood again, careful not to drop them a second time. I had a billion questions in my mind, but not enough sense to know which to ask. I wasn't sure I was even brave enough to say the words.
Instead, I headed into the bedroom to set my new things beside the rest. The problem was I no longer wanted to look through them, hating that Zasen's lover had crafted them all. The colors were vivid and beautiful, but I couldn't get the vision of that woman's posture out of my mind.
She'd stood so close. Her tail had touched him gently - maybe intimately? The way he'd laughed had sounded warm and friendly, and it hadn't made her tense up. No, she'd looked like she wanted to lean closer!
While I was staring blankly at the clothes, Zasen's hand lightly touched my shoulder. "I can't answer the questions you refuse to ask," he said gently. "Ayla, I'm trying to explain our culture, not be insensitive."
"I shouldn't have asked," I mumbled softly.
"No," he whispered. "This is exactly the sort of thing you should ask about. That's how we learn not to offend each other." He clasped my other shoulder and turned me so I was facing him. "I want you to be brave. I want you to ask what you want to know and accept that you won't always like the answer."
Nodding, I lifted my eyes to his face. "Do you love her?"
He smiled. "No." He waited a moment, letting the word hang between us before he went on. "She's a friend. I like her as a friend, and at times, we have made each other feel good. I also think you're jealous."
"Why would I be jealous?" Because the truth was, I didn't understand what I was feeling, and I was hoping his answer would help me.
He tilted his head, his face smug. "You seem angry." He leaned closer. "Just like I was when you said you like the color of my eyes."
When I met those pretty orange eyes again, he seemed overly pleased. Pulling in a deep breath, I convinced myself I should simply ask what I really wanted to know. All I had to do was get the words out there, and then I would at least know the answer. It would be a brave thing to do. Asking would be the sort of thing the Dragons did, and I really wanted to be a Dragon right now.
"If she's truly your friend, then why would you do that to her?"
His entire body flinched as my words hit him, and his eyes went wide. "Sex?"
"Yes."
Zasen's brow rose and he shook his head slightly. "There's nothing wrong with it. I'm confused."
I let out a grunt of frustration. "Zasen, she's your friend, why would you want to hurt her? Why would you want to do that?"
His expression would've been comical in any other situation. His mouth flopped twice as the air rushed from his lungs, and he stepped back, dropping his rump onto the bed. "That's what this is about? You think sex is painful?"
"The wives warned us." I lifted my chin and pressed my fists onto my hips, hoping it made me look strong instead of as scared as I really was. "The first time is so bad it makes us bleed. After that, it hurts less. Eventually, a woman can learn to tolerate it."
"Is this what your mother told you?"
"No. My mother died when I was young. I was the second child she had. The fifth killed her."
"Oh," he breathed, the word little more than a rush of air.
"But Meri made sure Callah and I knew. She snuck into the dining hall to tell us so we could be prepared! She told me all about how Gideon had held her down. How he'd hit her when she'd cried. She told us it hurt, Zasen! And Meri wouldn't lie."
"No, Ayla..."
"And maybe that's all you think women are good for, but I don't want to be a wife! I don't want to be hurt so a man can feel good. I certainly don't want to get pregnant!" My voice was getting louder, but I didn't care. "I will not have some husband breed me over and over until the next baby kills me. I want to get old! I want to live past thirty-five! Why even have children if I will never get to know them because they aren't my property anyway?"
"That's not - " he tried, but I cut him off.
"The only reason for sex is for children, but you don't want that with her! So you hurt her. You abuse her for your own entertainment, never caring about how long it might take her to recover after! You lied to me!"
