“This isn’t what it looks like,” he said.
“Isn’t it? You’re going to be writing to her. Or at least she thinks you will be.”
“That’s not true. I told you before—she was flirting with me. I wasn’t welcoming it. I was trying to send her back to the women, and I suppose I wasn’t very successful. But I wasn’t encouraging her.”
“She gave you her address.”
“And I crumpled it and dropped it into my bag,” he said. “I meant to throw it out when I got back home.”
She looked down at the scrap and seemed to be considering.
“I’m telling you the truth,” he said. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Sarai. For anything. I’ve told you the worst of our family situation, haven’t I? I even told you about your father’s buggy. Why would I start lying now? If I was a liar, I’d have started long before now!”
She stopped just past the chicken coop and turned to face him. A tendril of hair slipped free from her kapp. She didn’t notice, and he liked it, so he didn’t say anything. The chickens were scratching in the dirt in their enclosure, their throaty clucks calling to each other.
She nodded at last. “Okay.”
He shook his head and closed his eyes. “Good. I’m glad. And you managed to get our grandparents together.”
“Are you upset about that?”
“No. I told you I’d support it if he wanted to get married. And he obviously wants it.”
“Yah. I’m glad they see it.”
He smiled faintly. “Look, it’s not easy for my family. I’m embarrassed we can’t make things easier for them ourselves. But all the same, I’m glad they’ll have your family’s support.” He looked over her shoulder, back toward the house. He couldn’t see them in the window, but he could remember how they looked together. “They’re happy.”
“Deliriously.” She looked over her shoulder at the house and then turned back to him. “No one expects you to impoverish yourself, Arden.”
“We could have provided for him if he came back with me,” Arden said. It seemed important that she know that.
She nodded.
“And we might figure something out yet. Maybe we’ll find a way to build a dawdie haus on our property and bring them to Ohio in a couple of years.”
“I suppose we could all share our time with them,” she said, but her voice still sounded sad.
“And you’ll tell me right away if they need to move in with someone, right?” he said. “We could bring them into our house easily. We’d make room.”
“I know.”
This wasn’t what he wanted to talk about, though. Not really. They could plan for all sorts of scenarios: it wouldn’t touch on this ache in his heart.
“I...will have to go home,” he said at last. “Soon.”
Sarai swallowed. “How soon?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Oh...” Her voice was flat. “That’s very soon. I was hoping for a few more days.”
But a few more days would only make this harder. He’d fallen for her, and time would only solidify that.
“I thought my grandfather would have a difficult goodbye. It turns out it’s me who will have a hard time walking away,” he said.
“Will you?” She swallowed.
“Walk away?” he asked. “I have to. My job is waiting. My family needs me—”
“I meant...” Her face pinkened. “I meant have a hard time doing it.”
He caught her hand and tugged her a step closer. “I hate it. I hate having to go and having to say goodbye. Yah, this is terrible. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yah. Exactly.” She smiled, but her eyes misted.
“Then you have it,” he said. “I came here on a mission, and I thought if I just stayed focused on that, I wouldn’t feel more for you. It didn’t work very well.”
“I’m sure you’re used to this,” she said.
“Used to what—loneliness?” he asked.
“Walking away. Cutting the strings. Turning your back,” she said.
“That isn’t what I’m doing,” he said.
“You’ll forget about me soon enough.” She felt the tendril of hair against her face, wound it around her finger and then tucked it up under her kapp. And then he saw in unflattering clarity exactly what she thought...
She thought she was another in a string of women he’d treated badly. He would never be able to get rid of his history, would he? Even when he’d fallen for a woman, she’d have trouble believing him because she’d seen him behave so badly in his youth.
