“You think so?” Arden demanded. “How is that even possible? If you think I’m playing games with you, you couldn’t be more wrong. Yah, I was a fool before. I toyed with girls’ feelings, but Gott has a way of teaching a man a lesson. He doesn’t leave us in our foolish mistakes. I was determined to do better in Ohio, but Gott wasn’t done with me. He taught me a lesson with Mary. He showed me what it felt like to be used and dumped. It hurt, but I learned from it. And with you? This isn’t pretend. This isn’t just biding time. This is real...for me, at least. You’re everything I’ve been praying for in a woman, Sarai. Everything. So maybe Gott is still showing me what pain feels like, because now I have to walk away, and it’s the last thing I want to do.”
Sarai swallowed, her breath caught in her throat. Arden stood so close, the heat from his chest emanating against her. His hands were rough, and he held her fingers firmly in his grip. She could see the sincerity in his brown eyes. This was no game...
The hens kept scratching in the dirt, and one settled down into a fluffy little puddle of feathers in a corner, clucking contentedly to herself. If only Sarai’s life were that simple.
“Really?” Sarai whispered.
“Yah...” He pulled her closer still and rested his forehead against hers. “It’s the honest truth. I love you.”
Her breath seeped out of her, and she stared at him in shock. Arden’s face colored, and he shrugged uncomfortably. Was that what this feeling was—the deep longing to be with him, the way he’d settled into a part of her heart that she’d never known existed before? The thought of going to Shipshewana didn’t make her excited anymore because it meant leaving behind Arden and whatever this was that was growing between them. Whether she was here in Redemption or in Shipshewana with her extended family, she’d be thinking about one man... Yet he was the man she’d only very recently suspected of bad behavior with Susie. She couldn’t just hand her heart over to him, but at the same time, he’d utterly ruined her adventure for her, and it made her want to cry.
Sarai had had a plan—she’d had Shipshewana, and now her grandmother would be happily cared for and Sarai wouldn’t be missed at all. It would be perfect, except that she’d now fallen for Arden! If only she’d managed to keep him safely pigeonholed as “handsome but unworthy.” Because now she was inclined to believe that he was worthy...
“Should I not have said that?” Arden asked. “But it’s true. I fell in love with you. You’re wonderful, and I’d love nothing more than to be the man who makes you happy.”
“You love me?” she breathed.
He nodded. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I know I’m not exactly the kind of man you were praying for, and I get it—”
“Arden!” She grabbed his hand again, and he squeezed her fingers hard. She couldn’t have him think he was the only one feeling this, even if it couldn’t work. But he was right—there was a word to describe all she felt. “I love you, too.”
“You do?”
“Yah.” It was simply the truth—whether it was wise or not. She loved him!
“Good...” His voice was low and gruff, and he pulled her into a kiss. She leaned into him, twining her arms behind his back. If she could have put everything she felt into that kiss, she would have, but she didn’t know how to say it. Arden had slipped past her defenses, and she’d fallen in love with him.
When they pulled back, she blinked up at him, her heart pounding. He looked at her, and they didn’t seem to have any more to say. They’d said it all—they loved each other, and he was leaving. What more was there?
“Then why don’t you stay?” she asked, pulling back so she could look up at him.
“Sarai...”
“You could,” she pressed. “Why not stay? I’m sure your family would understand.”
And if he stayed, there’d be more time for her to see him behave well. She needed that—the reassurance.
“Sarai, my family needs my income,” he said. “And I told you, I can’t come here unless I can pay back your daet. If I can’t come back and hold my head high, how can I court his daughter? I owe your daet a debt, and I promise you, I won’t stop working until it’s paid. I can even promise you I’ll wait for you...but I can’t ask you to wait for me.”
“Why not?” she demanded.
“Could you really make that sacrifice for me?” he asked.
“Maybe...” But uncertainty was already worming up inside of her. She had an image in her mind of Lizzie crying into a handkerchief, saying she was so sure that Arden had felt something more for her...something.
“What holds you back?” he asked, meeting her gaze.
“Arden...” It seemed cruel to say it out loud when he’d already told her he loved her.
“Say it,” he said. “I think it’s important that we say it all. Something is holding you back, too.”
He was right—something was. She was hesitant to trust her own heart on this.
“Because other women, better women than me, have cried their hearts out over you,” she said. “And I’m afraid to be just another one of them.”
He nodded slowly, pressing his lips together. “You aren’t. And I didn’t flirt with Susie.”
“I believe you about Susie. But the others thought they were special, too.” She cleared her throat.
He’d said many beautiful things today, and she believed him...didn’t she? Was she truly different from every other woman? Could she be the one to captivate his heart for the rest of his life?
“I get it. I understand. But I need you to hear what I’m going to tell you. You have my whole heart. I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t expect to again. But it’s more than that. I don’t think I deserve you. You’re miles above me, Sarai. Everyone knows it—even I know it. You’re kind, smart, beautiful, and you’ve never played the games I used to play. You’re untarnished, and I fully understand you not being sure about trusting me.”
“Because I can’t?” she whispered.
Was that his gentle way of letting her know he was just as unreliable as she feared?
“No, Sarai. You could trust me with your life,” he said earnestly. “But I’d have to prove it to you first.”
“I wish we had more time,” she said.
“Me, too...” He smiled sadly. “I wish I could just bring you home with me. But I’m going to pray that Gott will give me the ability to save up that money so I can pay your daet as quickly as possible. And when I pay it off, I’m going to come back and knock on your door.”
“How long will that take?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he said, his voice shaking. “Maybe years. Maybe decades. But I’ll come say hello, even if I’m talking to a married woman with five kinner. I’ll still come and tell you I paid him myself.”
“What about Shipshewana?” she asked.
