“Please, sir, you’re thinking I’m wee Bobby, but I’m not. I’m wee Tommy.”
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Father, I Think
Printed by Edward M. Wilson in “Some Humorous English Folk Tales, Part I,” Folk-Lore, XLIX (1938), 186, No.5, with the comment, “Told by my father, Mr. Norman F. Wilson, in March, 1936, who heard it about sixty years ago, probably from a Kendal nurse-maid.”
This is Type 1562, Think Thrice before you Speak (Motif J2516.1), sparsely reported from northern Europe. A Pennsylvania Dutch variant is reprinted in R. M. Dorson, Buying the Wind, p. 146.
THERE WAS A boy who was always making silly remarks and annoying his father very much. So one day his father said to him, “Tommy, you are always making silly remarks without thinking. Now, when you want to make a remark you must always think three times before you speak.”
The next day the father was standing with his back to the fire. Tommy looked at him and then said very slowly:
“Father, I think—
“Father, I think—
“Father, I think your coat-tails are on fire.”
“You silly boy! Why didn’t you say so at once?”
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King Edward and the Salad
Told to Katharine M. Briggs by Neils M. Lund, a Dane living at Hampstead, in Perthshire in 1912.
A variant from the preceding tale, Type 1562, Think Thrice before you Speak.
WHEN KING EDWARD VII was staying at Sandringham some of his grandchildren were staying with him and were brought down to lunch. The king had a guest to whom he was talking. Presently, one of the little grandsons said:
“Grandpapa!”
The King went on talking.
“Grandpapa!”
“Be quiet, David.”
“But, Grandpapa—”
“Little boys must be seen and not heard,” said the King. “Wait till I’ve finished talking.”
He finished the conversation, and then said, “Well, what was it?”
“Oh, it’s nothing, Grandpapa. There was a slug on your lettuce, but you’ve eaten it now.”
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The Rich Man’s Two Sons
Printed by Edward M. Wilson in “Some Humorous English Folk Tales, Part Two,” Folk-Lore, XLIX (1938), 284–85, No. 25, as told in March, 1936, by Richard Harrison who heard it from a farmer on Walney Island in Lancashire.
This is Type 1628*, So They Speak Latin, reported only from Sweden.
THERE WAS A very rich man who had two sons. He’d had them schooled very well, and they were clever boys. He wanted them to go to India to learn foreign languages. He gave them plenty of money to go with, and hoped they would progress.
So they sailed on the boat, and when they got to India, one said, “Let’s not bother about learning any foreign language. Let’s have a right good time, and see a bit of the country.” So they had parties and went about till a letter came one day saying that they had to come back again. So when they were coming on the boat, they were afraid what their father would say with not learning any language. So one said to the other, “Don’t worry, we’ll get out of it all right.” When they got to England they hadn’t very far to go home. They had two fields to cross, and one wall had some barbed wire across. So as they were thinking what to say, one of them spied a hen with all its feathers off its back. So he said, “I’ve got a fine word.”
And the other said, “What is it?”
So he said, “Hen-scot-a-back-bo.”
And his brother was quite delighted. So hurrying to get home to tell their father the word, the other tore his trousers with getting over the barbed wire.
So he said, “Ee! I’ve got a grand word!”
And his brother said, “What is it?”
So he said, “I-tory-en-to.”
So when they got in, their father and mother gave them a hearty greeting, and told them they were going to have a party, and the boys had to give a demonstration of what they’d been learning. So when they got into the room, they had supper first and then their father told the guests what his boys were going to do. So one got up and said, “Hen-scot-a-back-bo.”
And the other one stood up and said, “I-tory-en-to.”
And their father said, “Well, I’ll go to India an-shut-em-all.”
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