I stayed in the halfway house for a bit longer to watch him paint. He even gave me a brush and let me try my hand at a section of the mural. I also got to meet the two kids that were living in the house. They seemed really nice and very appreciative, and they were both excited to start some college classes next week since part of the arrangement of living here in the halfway house was that they both had to and got to take classes. It was all just such a good thing we had going here, and I knew that I was right about my mother being proud.
When I left the halfway house, I hiked over to the auditorium. That was where Michael was building the stargazing observatory. The auditorium had an old attic at the top of it, which I think they used to use for storing costumes and props and things for the theatre performances. It worked out perfectly because Michael was able to cut a hole right up through the roof and add a rooftop level to the building that was accessible through the attic. He also installed skylights in the roof so that if it was raining and you didn’t want to go outside on the rooftop, you could sit in the attic level and watch the stars from there.
When I got into the auditorium, I walked over to where the pull-down ladder was and then made my way up the shaky staircase and into the attic. Michael had already made the attic a super cozy space and had used a lot of the old red velvet theatre stuff to make it seem like a magical land of nostalgia. Even more magical was the rooftop though.
“Hey,” I called up from the attic when I saw him walking around up there trying to figure out how to install a giant glass dome to put over the moveable telescope.
“Hey,” he said as he smiled and swung himself down into the attic with me.
“How’s it going up there?” I asked.
“Well,” he sighed. “It’s frustrating.”
“Frustrating?” I felt my lips drop into a pout because I didn’t want the project to be frustrating for him. I wanted Michael to enjoy it and create it into something truly special. “Do you need some contractors to help you out?”
“No, that’s not the kind of frustrating I mean,” he answered. “The mechanics are coming along great, come see.”
He lifted himself up onto the rooftop and then helped me up alongside him. It looked incredible. He installed a wrought iron railing that was wrapped with tiny little twinkling lights, spots to sit and little tables to set your drinks on. There were two giant telescopes that he had mounted to the rooftop that could turn to face any direction in the sky. He had Adam come paint the constellations on the floor of the roof so that it looked like you were walking among the stars, and was now installing a beautiful glass dome that could house and protect the telescopes when they weren’t being used.
“This looks amazing,” I said, astonished with how much he had already gotten done. “I don’t understand then, what is it that you’re frustrated about?”
Michael sat down right on top of one of the star paintings and looked up at the late afternoon sky. It was overcast and looked like it was going to rain before dark. There was a slight purplish hue beginning on the horizon.
“I’m frustrated that Julian isn’t here to give me crap about how I’ve spaced the telescopes too close together, and I’m frustrated that we aren’t back in the mountains making love under the night sky, and I’m also frustrated that I still have to wait another eleven months to find out if I’m going to lose you or be with you forever.”
I felt my heart thump against the bottom of my throat as I sat down on the roof with him. I reached for his hand and held it up to my chest.
“Julian is still here, remember? You told me that yourself. I’m sure that he will look down from the sky or wherever he is and still shake his head about your placement of the telescopes. Even in the afterlife, you can bet that he’ll still be giving you shit.”
Michael laughed out loud at that thought. “You’re right,” he said.
“Making love on the mountaintop under the nighttime sky was one of the single most wonderful moments of my life. And since we are here for now, and you have created this amazing space, then I would like to come up here one night with just you and me and make love to you right here among the stars.”
Michael leaned over to me and touched his hand to the side of my jaw as he softly pulled my mouth to his and kissed me.
“And what about the last thing?” he whispered as his tongue moved sensually inside of my mouth. “What about the thing that will happen in less than a year’s time? That, above all, is the single thing that matters most to me in the world.”
“I cannot be without you,” I said against his lips. “You and I both knew that from the moment we first saw each other. We thought that we hated each other, but it was so much more powerful, more devastating, and more precious than hate. You and I have known this entire time that we cannot be apart.”
Michael kissed me again and this time I felt the stars beneath us move as if we were sitting among the galaxy ourselves. I meant every word that I said to Michael, I couldn’t be without him. But I also meant every word that I said to Adam. And if Julian had still been alive, I would have told him that I needed to be beside him always and I would have meant every word of that as well.
I couldn’t choose between them because I needed them all.
However, what that meant just shy of a year from now, I didn’t know.
20
I suppose that I should have known from my life’s experiences that it always seemed to be when things were going perfectly that was when they calm to a halt.
I wondered if it was always like that in life, or if it was just like that for me. I wanted to believe that it was possible for things to be going perfectly and to stay perfect. I guess I just had never seen that happen yet.
There were nine more months to go before we would be done with our year here and our agreement in Charlotte. Nine months before I would turn the school over to someone else with the assurance that they would run the school in my vision and honor the special places and sanctuaries that Adam, Michael, and I had created. Nine months until I would have to choose one man over the other.
Rob and I were on better terms now and he came to hang out with us frequently. All three guys still got along well, and I was beginning to let my guard back down with Rob little by little. He still didn’t live with us, and that was good for now. Things were comfortable and peaceful and happy again…and then the notes started.
At first, I didn’t think anything of it at all. I saw a corner of paper siting in the garden and figured that it had blown out of someone’s backpack or notebook and landed among the leaves and flowers. I went to pick it up and throw it away. The square of paper was rough around the edges as if it had been torn off a larger sheet quickly because someone needed to jot a note to remember something. I turned the little paper over in my hand and saw that it said “sorry” on the other side. Maybe some couple had a disagreement and one of them had tucked this little note of apology inside the other person’s book hoping they would find it.
Hopefully, they would get another chance to apologize since this note had been read only be me and the flowers in the garden.
A few days later there was another note, though. This time it was taped to a mirror inside one of the bathroom stalls in the halfway house. This was probably the second note since the first one had gotten lost and never made it to the intended recipient. And since it was inside the halfway house, I wondered if it was the teen couple that Adam had first housed here. More kids had moved in since then over the last month, but I don’t think any of them had coupled up like the first two had. I hoped that they weren’t having too big of a fight because I really thought they made a good pair. Again, I thought nothing of the note.
Stupid me, huh?
It wasn’t until nearly a week later when I was sitting up in the stargazing observatory with Michael and savoring a glass of sparkling wine beneath the stars. There was one star that looked particularly bright and Michael said that it might have been a planet. I wanted to see it up closer and so I went to one of the telescopes to look up at the bright star, or planet, or whichever it was.
But when I put my eye to the telescope viewer, I screamed and dropped my wine glass which shattered all over the rooftop floor.
“What is it?” Michael asked as he jumped to his feet and ran over to me.
“There’s something in the telescope,” I said with my hands shaking.
“Like a bug?” Michael looked into the telescope and then went to the end of its cylindrical tube and pulled off the small square of paper that had been taped to it.
“Sorry” the paper said.
It was then that I finally pieced together what was happening. And it was then that I started seeing the notes everywhere and in greater frequency. The notes were always the same, but yet still slightly different. They were always small, torn squares of blank white paper that had the single word sprawled on it. Sometimes the pieces were crooked, sometimes they were a hair bigger or smaller than others, sometimes the writing was in blue ink and sometimes it was in black.
