Figure out a way, the voice inside me laughs. As if you haven’t already decided what you intend to do.
I ignore that little voice inside my head, the one that seems intent on making me feel guilty for what Az and I have planned.
I’ve spent enough of my life feeling guilty, allowing shame to stake me to the ground, to fill my muscles with saltwater until I’m unable to move, bloated with indecision.
I’m done feeling guilty. I’m done not getting what I want.
As if what I want is so unreasonable, so evil, that the Fates refuse to grant me my wish. As if I long for power or domination or violence or to subject others to my will.
No. All I want is Nox. And I’ve about decided that’s not too much to ask.
I practically collapse onto the cot I dragged up here for Nox, curling into his side and tucking my ear to his chest. Each time I do, there’s a moment of dread when I fear I won’t hear a heartbeat. That I won’t feel the steady rise and fall of his chest.
That completing the tapestry truly killed him this time. Permanently.
I don’t know what will happen to Nox if he dies in another realm.
I don’t intend to find out.
Thu-Thum.
I let out a breath, though there’s no relief in it, and cling to the only person I’d set this world on fire for.
When I wake, it’s to the creaking of the door I haven’t bothered to lock in days.
I blink rapidly, uncomfortable with the idea of Az seeing me in such a vulnerable state. Usually I like to threaten his life in case he gets the idea he can double-cross me. It makes it much more difficult to be intimidating if you’re found cuddled up in the arms of your indefinitely unconscious loved one, wetting their sheets with your tears.
I bolt upward in bed, but when the speckled light from the stained glass windows illuminates my visitors, Az is not among them.
“Blaise?”
Concern lines Evander’s brow as he and Kiran step into a ballroom flecked with light that illuminates a pair of sleeping bodies.
And the vampire who will rip apart any seam it takes to bring them back.
“Blaise, what in Alondria…?”
Evander’s sea-green eyes scan the ballroom, taking in the emerald dais on the far end, the tapestries that outline Zora’s many lives.
Mostly, he stares at the two bodies, Nox and Zora laid across the cots I dragged up here for them days ago. Light speckles their faces, breathing life into Nox’s pale features, his sister’s warm ones.
Understanding clicks into his expression, and his gaze moves slowly to my mouth, searching for blood.
“I didn’t kill them, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I stutter, scrambling to my feet from where I was just tucked into Nox’s side. I suppose it probably looked like I was feeding on his neck, with the way I was lying across him. “They’re both alive. I wouldn’t hurt them.”
Evander’s shoulders slump in relief, but Kiran approaches Zora, placing two fingers below her jawline. I suppose he locates her pulse, because he steps away and nods toward Evander.
“You left,” is all Evander says, refusing to take his eyes off me.
“You don’t know how dangerous Abra is. The lot of you were discussing what to do about her, like all it would take to defeat her would be a few carefully placed political maneuvers. I was afraid you didn’t understand what you were getting yourself into.”
Kiran crosses his arms, his tanned skin betraying divots of muscle grooved into his forearms. “So you thought it best to take on the Queen of Mystral on your own?”
I find I can’t hold Kiran’s molten gaze, not when it seems it might bore a hole right through me, exposing my lies for what they truly are.
“I just…I just can’t lose anyone else.”
My hand instinctively finds my belly, because at least those words aren’t a lie.
“And these two?” Evander asks, still from the edge of the room. It hurts that he doesn’t approach as easily as Kiran does, but then again, I’ve never betrayed Kiran.
At least, I haven’t betrayed Kiran yet.
“I wasn’t completely forthcoming with you back in Othian,” I say, to which Evander hardly blinks. I suppose that by this point, he’s used to this sort of behavior from me.
Use what they already assume about you to your advantage, Az’s words echo in my ear.
“I wasn’t the only prisoner Abra kept. Nox was here before me. His sister too. He and I…we formed a bond.”
Evander works his jaw, clearly still hurt that I left with hardly a note, not trusting my friend enough to ask for help. “And are you and Nox involved?”
There’s a protectiveness in the way he says that word, involved, that makes my heart ache for another time, another life. One where I might have been content with my and Evander’s platonic relationship. One where I wouldn’t have gotten myself into this mess to begin with.
But I suppose if I never got myself into trouble, I’d never have found Nox. So there’s only so much I can bring myself to regret.
The best lies are layered into the rawest truths, Az’s voice reminds me from earlier today.
I might be a vampire now, but there’s not a drop of fae blood in me, meaning lies can spill from my mouth without consequence.
