She smiled, which was a good sign. She wasn’t running from my admission.
“I can’t say I know what it’s like for you,” Isay said quietly after another lengthened silence. “I’ve always had my mother, even though at times she can be incredibly infuriating. I never knew my dad, though. She used to talk about him, but then she stopped. I’ve forgotten most of the stories.”
I wanted to console her, but I didn’t know how. “Your mother is doing her best,” I finally managed.
“I know,” she sighed. “And she does deserve to be happy. I am glad she chose to be happy, but where does that leave me? Why couldn’t I carry the memory of my father with me longer? I didn’t want to let it go the way she did.”
“You do not have to let him go.”
She frowned. “But I do not remember him.”
“I don’t remember either of my parents. That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about them.” I’d rather keep the conversation light, but there was no way back from this confession, so I’d better just say it all. “Some days I don’t quite know who I am, and I wish they’d left me some clues I could follow.”
Isay’s mouth parted at my honesty. “But you’re… well, you’re you. You’re always so determined and confident.”
Warmth spread through my chest at her compliment. I was beginning to like our heart-to-heart more and more by the minute.
“That’s because I know what I want. It’s often simpler.” I made sure to keep our eye contact so that she’d know I wanted her and was determined and confident, as she put it, in my goal.
“I know it couldn’t be easy for you to have followed your mother to Vindica. I hope it hasn’t all been horrible.” A lot of it has been horrible. She has those tentacles to show for it, but I still wished she’d grow to like it here. After the conflict with Felroth was resolved, if not sooner.
Vindica hadn’t seen this many unpleasant encounters in one week during my lifetime. And while we did attract the occasional danger and were hated wherever we went, it was normally rather quiet in the reservation.
“No. Not all bad,” Isay confessed with a shy smile, and my heart leapt.
Chapter 28
ISAY
WHEN I WOKE UP THE ARMCHAIR WAS EMPTY. A FEW WEEKS BACK, the thought would have relaxed me after I’d had nightmares of someone observing my sleep, a horrifying thought. Now, Karmuth’s absence felt somehow worse.
Searching the chamber left me staring at Regar leaning against the wall right next to the door at the far side of the room.
“If you’re looking for your lover-boy, he hit the bed about an hour ago,” he drawled.
He’d left? My mouth pressing into a thin line, I refused to feel the disappointment staining the high of last night. After everything we’d shared, he’d left me. I should’ve known better than to just assume he’d actually cared for me. His words meant nothing.
Regar tutted, “Don’t look so grim. If it was up to Kar, he’d go through the rest of his life on no sleep if that meant he’d be right next to you.” He grinned brightly as if the idea amused him. “It took some supreme convincing to get him out of that chair. I’ve got strict orders not to move from this spot unless you’re in danger.”
I wasn’t grim. Not anymore. My lips tugged upwards, and I hid my smile with my hand as I pretended to yawn.
I still wished Karmuth was here; we had never discussed what had happened between us. I hoped I could thank him when I woke up, feeling more confident after the much-needed rest. I hoped he’d tell me he’d liked it as much as I did. I’d hoped we could do it again. Nervous flutters stirred in my stomach and I took a deep breath to compose my thoughts.
“So, I’m stuck with you, huh?” I teased good-naturedly.
I liked Regar; he wasn’t as serious as Sinister or as cocky as Hiko. He also never looked at me like I was something to conquer like Ferro, although he did enjoy taunting me.
“Just until he’s up and running again.” True to his word, Regar did not step deeper into the room, didn’t even look at the lounge area as if it’d be a perfect place to relax his posture. He kept standing by the door, fully alert despite the banter. “He warned me against watching you get dressed, but I’m willing to deny it if you are.”
My eyes widened, and I sputtered a laugh. “What? No!”
Regar chuckled. “Had to try.”
He did look away when I pushed the covers off and did not shift until I confirmed I was decent. I was sure it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his respect for Karmuth, but I appreciated it, nonetheless.
“Would you like me to have a maid bring some food?” Regar asked when I crossed the room to go in search of a bite myself.
My brows pinched. “Can’t we eat in the dining hall?”
“Of course, Princess.” He said it with a tightness in his voice that contradicted his agreement.
“You don’t sound happy about it,” I noted but still pushed the door open to see him following me out of the room. “You’d rather be confined to this tight corner?”
He hesitated. “No. But I would rather use the least amount of effort to keep you safe. The court is in disarray this morning. Furious with Felroth. The rumours about last night are spreading already.”
I stopped in my tracks, reconsidering my decision. “They wouldn’t take it out on me, though, would they?”
“Not intentionally. The fae have grown to admire you, Princess.”
I couldn’t help but make a face. “Stop calling me ‘Princess’.”
“Do you prefer ‘beautiful’?”
I blushed at the word Karmuth had chosen. Coming from Regar, it somehow sounded dirty. “Shut up! My name would be sufficient, thank you.”
Shaking his head light-heartedly, Regar agreed to stop calling me princess. He grew more sombre again when we neared the dining hall.
“You’re not seriously thinking I’m in any danger there?” He made me nervous with his tentativeness, especially since he didn’t seem like the careful type.
