She knew exactly what he meant by that. And she would risk getting savaged by hope every time, if it meant getting to be with him.
But as she looked at him, as she went willingly into his arms, she realized, it wasn’t hope with teeth. Not anymore.
This was hope with strong arms, with a steady smile and the truest heart she knew.
“This is a song,” she said.
“I can’t wait to hear it,” he said.
She grinned at him. “I can’t wait to live it.”
Chapter 13
He decided to go home for Christmas with Tansey. She called her mother and invited her to come from Palm Springs, and she had agreed to make the trek, which had surprised Tansey, since her mom was pretty wedded to her warm weather and palm trees.
But it also pleased her.
He would’ve done whatever he had to do to make sure they could do Christmas in both places, or maybe he would’ve had to disappoint his family.
He was willing to do that.
Because he was done performing. Done trying to do things to make up for what he thought he lacked.
But there was one thing he needed to do. And it was the thing that made Christmas so special this year.
Not just because he was going to be introducing Tansey as his fiancée, but he was pretty excited about that.
First, he had to give her the ring.
Which he intended to do at midnight on Christmas Eve. Then on Christmas morning she could wear it and show his family.
Yeah. He was looking forward to that.
But first, during a family board game, he sneaked into the kitchen to find his mother. “Hi, Mom,” he said.
She turned to him, smiling. “What is it, honey?”
He reached out and pulled her into his arms, hugging her. “I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And that I’m sorry. It’s been hard for me to say things like this. But... Things are changing for me. I’m going to try to change. I’m going to try to be different.”
His mother put her hand on his forearm, and patted it. “Flint, honey. You never needed to change.”
“I did. I think... I think in time you’ll see the difference.”
“Well, I love you all the same.”
He nodded, and walked out of the kitchen. The next person he needed to talk to was Boone. When he walked out into the hall, Tansey was there. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah. I’m just... You know. I’m doing what we talked about.”
“Yeah. It’s going to be fine.”
“I know it will be. Because I have you.”
“Good luck.” She squeezed him, and he went outside, where he knew his brother was, down at the barn.
Boone was facing away from him, on the phone. “Yeah, well, if you’re going to go on a bender on Christmas Eve, you might want to fucking call your wife and let her know where you’re at...No idea...She texted me, because she was looking for you. And I think you should be ashamed that your wife has an easier time getting a hold of me than she does you...Yeah. Well. Get over yourself. You’re drunk. And it’s not even 5:00 p.m., and your wife and your two kids are...Seriously. Whatever. I’m not going to lie for you. I’m going to tell her that you’re drunk. It’s your problem to sort out, Daniel.” He hung the phone up and turned around. “Oh. How long have you been standing there?”
“That Daniel Stevens?”
“Yeah. Fucker.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “It’s... You know, it’s Christmas Eve and he’s not home and Wendy texted me looking for him and... I can’t lie for him. And I’m not going to. She’s way too good for him. He’s such a dick.”
The ferocity on Boone’s face told a whole story. But Flint had a feeling his brother wasn’t in the space to tell it. Daniel was another rodeo rider, and a friend of Boone’s, and he’d gotten married ten years ago. Flint had met his wife on a few occasions. She was very pretty. He had to wonder if his brother thought so too.
“Well. Sounds like you should do the opposite of lying for him. You should probably tell on him.”
“Yeah. I have half a mind to.”
“Boone...” He cleared his throat. “This is going to seem like it’s coming out of the blue for you. But... You know I brought Tansey home.”
“Yeah. And the song was about you.”
“The song was about me. And she and I had a lot to work out. In regard to that. We had to address why I broke up with her in the first place. And I told her about...about the thing I am most ashamed of.”
“What’s that?”
He looked at his brother, and he could see that Boone genuinely didn’t know.
“When you were crying about Sophia. And I hit you. And I told you not to cry anymore.”
Boone looked away. “Hey. That’s not a big deal. We were kids. You were a kid.”
“Yeah. I was. But there was still... I was afraid. I was afraid of everything, and most of all, I was afraid of that pain never going away. Never ending. And your pain made mine worse. So I lashed out. And then... I have carried the guilt for that, and I use that guilt as an excuse. I used it to tell myself that I didn’t deserve to have relationships because I wouldn’t be able to be there for someone, because look at what I did to you when you needed me most.” He shook his head. “But that wasn’t it. I was just afraid of how much I felt. And I took it out on you. And I used it as an excuse my whole life.”
“There’s no guidebook on how to handle stuff like that,” said Boone. “And I’m not gonna claim I’m any less messed up than you.”
“Yeah. But some of the messed up you are might be my fault.”
“No,” said Boone. “Hell no. You were always there for me. And yeah, you’re kind of a stoic bastard. But you’re a good man, Flint, and you have been the whole time. Not saying you haven’t made mistakes. I’ve heard the song.”
“Well. She forgives me. I’m going to marry her.”
“Good,” said Boone. “You should. And hell, if she can forgive you, I certainly can. Even if I don’t feel like there’s much to forgive.”
“Thank you,” he said, and he meant it. Because whether Boone was willing to admit it or not, Flint knew that he needed that forgiveness.
And then he did something he knew his brother would be allergic to. He reached out and hugged him. Clapped him on the back. “I’m going to ask her to marry me,” he said. “Well. I already did. But I’m going to get down on one knee and give her a ring and everything.”
Boone looked at him long and hard. “Good for you.”
